Acknowledge and be grateful for, how other people have helped you get where you are

gratitude-2If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants. Isaac Newton

Alex Haley, the author of Roots, used to keep a picture in his office of a turtle sitting atop a fencepost. He kept it there to remind him of a lesson he had learned years before: “If you see a turtle on a fencepost, you know he had some help” Haley remarked. “Anytime I start thinking, ‘Wow, isn’t this marvelous what I’ve done!’ I look at that picture and remember how this turtle—me—got up on that post.” —Maxwell, Developing the Leaders Around You, p. 171

We all stand on the shoulders of those who have preceded us. Yes, we have worked hard and been diligent, but we didn’t get where we are without help. When we’re unaware of the contributions of others, we’ll have an inflated perspective on our successes and may become proud and arrogant. When we embrace the fact that our lives have been buoyed by the generosity of others, gratitude and humility will prevail.

There’s something about being a grandparent that helps one see the full circle of life. When I babysit my 2-year-old grandson, I often think of the unheralded sacrifice my parents made just getting me through the early years of my life. (Back in the 1950s, there were no disposable diapers.) Did I ever thank them for their constant sacrifice?

As I look back on my career, I should applaud the people who supported me in ways large and small. I am here, now because they were there, then.

As I consider my current state of being, I realize my life and career would collapse without the steady support of many friends and colleagues.

But we must do more than be grateful, we must express our gratitude. William Arthur Ward said, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Express gratitude directly to those who have helped you. Acknowledge them publicly. If someone has positively impacted your life, raise a glass and make a toast to honor their contribution.

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Learn the slow “yes” and the fast “no”

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A clear “no” can be more graceful than a vague or noncommittal “yes.” Greg McKeown

Think carefully before you make commitments. Don’t be impulsive. Your time, energy, and resources are being requisitioned, so respond slowly. When pressured to make a quick decision, make no your default answer. Only say yes after you’ve had the opportunity to fully analyze the situation and come to a wise decision.

If your answer is not a definite yes, then it should be no.

We all keep either a physical or mental to-do list (at least, I hope you do). That’s how work gets identified, organized, and prioritized. We also need to maintain a fictitious “not-to-do-list” which will help us avoid the trivial many. For every one item placed on your to-do list, there might be two opportunities which you should decline.

In Greg McKeown’s terrific book, Essentialism: The Essential Pursuit of Less, he wrote, “Nonessentialists say ‘yes’ automatically, without thinking, often in pursuit of the rush one gets from having pleased someone. But then comes the pang of regret. Eventually they will wake up to the unpleasant reality that something more important must now be sacrificed to accommodate this new commitment. Of course, the point is not to say no to all requests. The point is to say no to the nonessentials so we can say yes to the things that really matter.”

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Close the knowing-doing gap

knowingProblem: We often know what to do, but we don’t do it.
Solution: Err toward action, and measure results.

Knowing what to do is not enough; we must do. In some cases, the gap between knowing and doing is more inhibiting than the gap between ignorance and knowing. Competitive advantage comes from being able to do something others can’t or don’t do.

To avoid the knowing-doing gap, realize that:

  1. Talking is not a substitute for action. Talking about something is not the equivalent of actually doing it. Rhetoric is often an essential first step, but eventually something has to get done and someone has to do it.
    Beware of people who:

    1. Talk too much. Sometimes there is an inverse relationship between how much a person talks and his ability to get things done.
    2. Use “smart language” or technical jargon. Complex language and ambiguous terminology confuses people and inhibits action.
    3. Are critical. Some people try to sound smart by criticizing other people’s ideas.
  2. Making decisions is not a substitute for action. By itself, a decision changes nothing.
  3. Preparing documents is not a substitute for action.
  4. Planning is not a substitute for action.
  5. Just because something is easy to understand doesn’t mean it will be easy to implement.

How to close the gap

  1. When possible, learn by doing; “If you do it, then you will know it.”
    When you learn by doing, there is no knowing-doing gap. Knowledge that is actually implemented is much more likely to be acquired from learning by doing than from learning by reading, listening, or even thinking. Surgeons “hear one, see one, do one.”
  2. Always err toward action. This creates opportunities for learning by doing. It helps to establish a cultural tone that action is valued and that talk and analysis without action are unacceptable. Use rapid prototyping to see if things work and then modify them on the basis of that experience.
  3. Fear fosters knowing-doing gaps, so drive out fear. Setbacks and mistakes should be seen as an inevitable, even desirable, part of being action oriented. Action-oriented people make mistakes so provide a “soft landing.” “Learning is an extension of the word trying.” Nanus and Bennis
  4. Measure results, not actions. “The foundation of any successfully run business is a strategy everyone understands coupled with a few key measures that are routinely tracked” (Dean Tjosvold). Often, measuring many things is counterproductive; measuring more things will not necessarily get more of the right things done; but do measure important metrics. Don’t measure activity; measure results.
  5. As a leader, adopt an apprenticeship approach to managing your team members; be a coach, not just a teacher or mentor. Unfortunately, knowing by doing is, initially, a less cost-effective way of transmitting knowledge and changing behavior (it is counterintuitive to much of our Internet-driven culture), but ultimately, it is the best way.

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[The Knowing-Doing Gap: How Smart Companies Turn Knowledge into Action by Pfeffer and Sutton is the best book on this subject.]

Take responsibility for your choices

take-responsibilityLife is a sum of all your choices. Albert Camus

In his book, The 8th Habit, Steven Covey says, “Fundamentally, we are a product of choice, not nature (genes) or nurture (upbringing, environment). Certainly genes and culture exert strong influence, but they do not determine. Next to life itself, the power to choose is your greatest gift. This power and freedom stand in stark contrast to the mind-set of victimization and culture of blame so prevalent in society today.”

Covey shares three sentences that underscore the power and importance of our freedom and ability to choose:

  1. Between stimulus and response there is a space.
  2. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
  3. In those choices lie our growth and happiness.

Throughout each day, and life itself, you continually receive both negative and positive stimuli. Often, you have little control over what comes your way.

  • Someone at work unleashes an angry tirade on you.
  • You are given an incredible opportunity at work.
  • You see a billboard with a seductive picture on it.
  • You hear disappointing news.
  • Someone compliments how you look.
  • Your car breaks down.
  • Your child becomes ill.
  • You are seriously injured in a car accident.
  • You get a raise at work.

Immediately following the stimulus there is a space—a period of time—during which you choose your response. And herein, Covey says, is your opportunity to control and shape your life and destiny. You have minimal control over what comes your way, but you have ultimate control over how you respond to it.

Some people don’t want to accept responsibility for how they respond. When battered by difficult events, they assume the role of the victim and begin to blame others. When good things happen, instead of being grateful, they feel entitled. When you acknowledge your power to choose how you respond to life’s events, you assume control and responsibility for your life.

We not only make choices in response to stimuli, we are also responsible for the stewardship of our lives—how we spend our resources of time and talent. This is primarily an issue of initiative or lack of it. How many years have you been an independent, self-regulating adult and what have you done with your life during those years? If we assume that the first 17 years of your life were orchestrated for you and you are now 35 years old, you have been solely responsible for the majority of your life (18 years), and that percentage is growing every day.

Amazingly, our capacity to choose is so powerful that we are not even restrained by our past choices; we can choose to change our decisions and/or correct our mistakes. For instance, perhaps you’ve never developed any marketable skills; you can choose, today, to change that. Perhaps you’ve been in the wrong career; change careers. You are not a tree—move.

Here’s a list of some important areas in which you have or can make choices. Carefully consider how your decisions in each area have shaped who you are and how they will impact your future.

Skill development—relationships—values—beliefs—virtues—attitudes—habits

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Run at problems

run-at-problems-001All leaders can become good problem-solvers. To do so, they must do four things: Anticipate problems before they occur; maintain a positive attitude while they occur; use all their resources to solve them as quickly as possible so they cease to occur; learn from them so the same problems do not occur again. —John Maxwell, Developing the Leaders Around You

The biblical story of David and Goliath pits a giant against a young man in an epic confrontation between good and evil. My favorite part of the story is when the duel begins: “Then it happened when the Philistine rose and came and drew near to meet David, that David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine.”

David ran at Goliath.

It wasn’t a display of youthful hubris or stupidity; it was considered aggression and confident courage. David’s pugnacity must have thrown Goliath off balance. The giant was used to frightened, tepid foes, but here was a young man running towards him.

In your personal and professional affairs, run at your problems.

The alternate approach is procrastination or avoidance. Most problems do not resolve themselves; they must be aggressively and tenaciously pursued.

Identify at least two problems in your business or personal life that need to be addressed. Schedule a time to deal with each one.

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Leaders: measure what you manage

measurement-cartoon

 

What gets measured gets managed. Drucker

A car’s dashboard offers a quick assessment of key systems: engine temperature, speedometer, odometer, fuel level, amps generated—important information that is constantly monitored and clearly stated.

Every organization should have a “dashboard”—a system that identifies and consistently measures key indicators of health and growth.

What does your organization’s dashboard include?

For-profit organizations are better at tracking key indicators than non-profit organizations. Non-profits often rationalize their lack of monitoring by thinking, “The mission of our organization is too ethereal to track; we deal with intangibles that can’t be expressed using numbers.” That’s a lame excuse. Every organization can identify key metrics that are quantifiable.

Metrics not only benefit  organizations; they are also advantageous for individuals. Track your finances using a budget (Quicken software is an easy system to use). Track how often you exercise. Weigh yourself every day and try to stay within five pounds (+ or -) of your ideal weight. Keep a record of how many books you read. Track how many social encounters you have each week.

It’s difficult to manage something unless you measure it.

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Be curious; embrace the interrogatives

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The important thing is not to stop questioning… Never lose a holy curiosity.  Albert Einstein

I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.   Kipling

Curiosity is simply a strong desire to know or learn something. It is a wonderful trait. It is the antidote for a passive mind; it takes you to new places; it adds zest to life; it is the key to learning. I can’t think of any downsides.

Brian Grazer is the poster child for curiosity.

In his must-read book, A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life, Grazer delves into the value of being curious. He dedicates the book, “For my Grandma Sonia Schwartz. Starting when I was a boy, she treated every question I asked as valuable. She taught me to think of myself as curious, a gift that has served me every day of my life.” What a great grandmother.

Early in life Grazer (who is a Hollywood movie producer) channeled his curiosity toward what he calls “curiosity conversations.” He contacts interesting people, requests a meeting, and if it happens, spends the time asking them questions. He’s had conversations with Muhammad Ali, Jeff Bezos, Jay Z, Steve Jobs, Condoleezza Rice, Ted Turner, Andy Warhol, Oprah Winfrey, and hundreds of other well-known people. What a wonderful expression of a curious mind.

The sixty-four-dollar question is: are you curious? Here’s a short self-assessment.

  • Name three things that you are currently curious about and actively pursuing.
  • What have you changed your mind about, lately?
  • What have you learned, lately?

“CQ stands for curiosity quotient and concerns having a hungry mind. People with a higher CQ are more inquisitive and open to new experiences. They find novelty exciting and are quickly bored with routine. They tend to generate many original ideas and are counter-conformist.” Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic

Samuel Johnson said, “Curiosity is, in great and generous minds, the first passion and the last.”

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Beware of listening to your own voice

talk-to-yourself

Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you?—D. Martin Lloyd Jones

The voice you hear the most is your own. Question that voice because often you cannot trust it. My unfiltered, unchallenged voice is often random, paranoid, pessimistic and feeds on assumptions. Self-talk can get us into trouble.

Let’s make this practical. Right now, before you click to the next email, identify two or three thoughts that you’ve had in the last 24 hours that came out of nowhere, from an unidentified source, that you have, nevertheless, entertained and perhaps become anxious about.

Take control of your inner conversations.

We can’t control all of our thoughts (for instance, we have no control over our dreams: we don’t pick the topics and we can’t choose to stop) but we can control our conscious self-talk. Even though we often don’t initiate self-talk (as Jones asked in the opening quote, where do those first waking thoughts come from?) we do have control over whether or not we continue to coddle those thoughts. An old Chinese proverb teaches: “That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change; but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.”

Constantly analyze your thoughts: identify who’s talking and reject suspicious thoughts from dubious sources. Simply change the conversation and start thinking of something else.

For more thought on this topic, see my posts Control your thoughts and Be careful of making assumptions

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Here are answers to last week’s puzzles:

SEQUENC_ – complete this word—sequence—using any letter other than E – Insert the letter F; when put on top of _ it creates the E vowel.

Using six pencils, create four equilateral triangles. Place three pencils on a flat surface in the shape of a triangle; then position the other three pencils on top of the triangle, vertically, to create three other triangles.