Don McMinn

 

David Whyte, Anglo-Irish poet, tells a story about losing and finding his favorite pen, a Mont Blanc given to him by a friend. It is his favorite pen, not because it’s an expensive instrument, but because for decades it has been his constant companion and he uses it to write poetry and sign books.    

He was on a red-eye flight returning to Belfast. Moments before the plane landed, as he started getting his belongings together, he realized he must have dropped his pen. He was sitting in first class, so his seat was not the simple, straightforward kind; it was highly mechanized and hard to access. He tried in vain to find his pen.

When all passengers were off the plane the stewardess helped him look for it, but to no avail. She finally said, “Mr. Whyte, the only thing left to do so is ask an engineer to board the plane and take the seat apart.” He gently said, “Please do.”

Twenty minutes later, with the seat torn apart, there it was…his pen.

Whyte says that from that moment on, he valued the pen even more, for it had been lost but now was found. 

He uses that story to teach an important truth: Sometimes losing something and then regaining it enhances our appreciation of it. Whyte even suggests that we should periodically play a mind game with ourselves in which we “experience” the lost/found/increased-value scenario, but without having actually suffered the loss. 

Try this:

• • • Close your eyes for a few minutes and imagine that two years ago you lost your sight. The world is now dark 24/7. Then imagine that through a medical procedure, or miracle, your sight has been restored. Now open your eyes and savor the sight of objects, people, colors, and shapes. The color red. A sunset. A loved one. You can drive a car again. You’ll have a greater appreciation for something you have taken for granted—sight. 
    • Imagine that you have lost someone you love: a child, friend, or spouse. Think deeply about what life would be like without him or her; feel the sadness. But then remind yourself that you haven’t lost them, it’s just a mind game. 
    • Imagine that you’re confined to solitary confinement. You’re in an 8×10 cell (slightly bigger than the average bathroom). You’re by yourself in the cell for 22 to 24 hours a day. But your confinement is only a daydream. With a new sense of gratitude, enjoy the rest of your day as the free person you really are.

Whenever I play this mind game, I become more grateful, less ill-tempered, more mindful and humbler, and more aware of God’s goodness and the joy of living life.

An Eastern monarch asked his wise men to invent a phrase that would apply to all times and in all situations. After careful deliberation, they offered this statement: “And this too shall pass away.”

When Abraham Lincoln heard the story, he mused: “How much it expresses. How chastening in the hour of pride; how consoling in the depths of affliction.”

When you’re going through tough times, don’t be overly discouraged because “this too shall pass away.” And when you’re going through times of prosperity, don’t be smug and proud because “this too shall pass away.” Events are seldom as catastrophic or fortunate as we think. This truth, if embraced, will give us ballast and stabilize our emotions.

In my early forties I had several career leaps that catapulted me up near the top of my profession. The rails were greased and the momentum strong. But the high times were soon tempered by the challenges of life. Good times don’t last forever.

In my late forties I became clinically depressed. I thought my life as I knew it was coming to an end. If you’ve never been depressed, it’s hard to understand the feelings of hopelessness and confusion that torment the mind. I told my wife that we needed to liquidate our belongings and go live with her mother out in the country. But that season of my life passed. With the help of medications, I climbed out of the dark abyss and resumed normal life.

Winston Churchill touched on this thought when he said, “Success is not final…failure is not fatal…it’s the courage to continue that counts.”

Life is a series of ups and downs, but the peaks and the valleys seldom last. So don’t be too discouraged by the low points nor too emboldened by the high points in life. Remind yourself and others of the transitory nature of life. Try to achieve a balanced perspective on life.

I’m teaching my grandson how to have a good work ethic. There are many aspects to consider; recently we talked about volunteering to do hard tasks. Some jobs are easy, others are difficult; when given a choice, choose those that are challenging. Most people avoid them.

You earn a good reputation by volunteering to do hard things and doing them well. Also, it’s usually the right and noble thing to do.

Sometimes it involves doing simple but unpleasant tasks.

• • • When my year-old granddaughter went ballistic in a restaurant, I volunteered to skip my meal and babysit her.
    • Boxes—heavy and light—needed to be moved. I went for the heavy ones.

Sometimes it means committing to complicated challenges.

• • • Starting a graduate degree later in life.
    • Working a second job to get out of debt.
    • Becoming the caretaker for an invalid friend.

Some people only do easy things; they stay in the path of least resistance. At work they do the minimum required to keep their jobs; they don’t want to be inconvenienced in life; they seldom volunteer for optional tasks. Don’t be like that.

Leap at the chance to do things that other people don’t want to do. When others hesitate, act. Volunteer to do things you’re not responsible for or required to do.

Potential benefits?

• • • You’ll garner a reputation for being an action-oriented, get-it-done person.
    • You’ll be a source of momentum and positive direction.
    • Difficult tasks develop strong “muscles”; you’ll grow in wisdom and ability.
    • You’ll benefit from the fact that accomplishing hard things is usually more rewarding than doing simple things.

I work with a man, I’ll call him Pete (because that’s his real name) who personifies this mentality. He’s eager to work, he’s low maintenance, he volunteers for extra assignments, and he does more than he’s paid to do. Thanks, Pete.

Hope is a vital resource for living in a challenging world. Without hope we can become discouraged and  end up in a quagmire of despair, depression, and passivity. So pursue, embrace, and benefit from hope. 

But understand the limits of hope. Hope is necessary but at times insufficient. The need for hope implies that something is off kilter, uncertain, and potentially harmful and that our future may be compromised. In which case a plan of action is needed. 

I should also mention that while hope needs a plan, a plan is also necessary but insufficient. It’s simply a strategy describing a better future. But you can have both hope and a plan without anything improving because a third element is needed: action. Peter Drucker once said, “Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work.” [Here’s a post I wrote titled Have a Bias Toward Action.]

Two years into marriage, Mary and I had just bought our first house and had our first child when I lost my job. On day one of unemployment I was sitting on the back porch thinking of our uncertain future, praying and searching for hope. Before the day ended I devised a business plan for starting a power-washing business. Within a week I had purchased a truck, installed a power-washer in the bed, and was making sales calls. That small business kept us financially afloat for about a year until I could secure a permanent job in my field. Hope + a plan + action led us to a good place.

Without action, hope and plans are just wishful thinking.