Don McMinn

Ecclesiastes chapter three offers good advice on the importance of timing. The first sentence says: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Then it lists 14 situations in which we often must choose between two legitimate but opposite actions. For example, there’s a time to plant and a time to uproot, mourn and dance, pursue peace or make war. There is a proper time for each action.  

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the following phrase and I’m trying to incorporate it into my life: There’s a time to be silent and a time to speak.

It’s an important life lesson and necessary people skill. When obeyed it brings peace; when ignored it creates problems.

There are at least two ways to disregard this advice.

Sometimes we speak when we should remain silent.

Do you filter your thoughts before they become speech? Some people don’t. They assume that just having a thought is reason enough to verbalize it. When left unchecked, they feel free to say everything they think. This is not good. 

Before you speak, ask yourself:

• • • Is this the right time to speak?
    • Is this the right place to speak?
    • Have I considered my audience?
    • Is what I’m about to say true? Necessary? Beneficial?
    • Will my words contribute to the conversation?
    • Will my words be redundant?
    • Are my words necessary?
    • When I speak, am I succinct or verbose?

Incorporating these eight filters would greatly reduce and refine our speech. 

Sometimes we don’t speak when we should.

Remaining mute when we should speak is also problematic. Often, it takes both discretion and courage to speak up.

• • • When you see injustice or unfairness, speak.
    • When an important decision is being made, contribute your thoughts.
    • Don’t be mute when your silence could be construed as agreement and you don’t concur with what is being said. 
    • If someone is dominating the conversation, start talking and pursue equal time. (I dislike unbalanced conversations.)
    • When someone is being dogmatic about his opinions (politics, religion, current events), express your own. 
    • When someone says something that is verifiably wrong, correct him or her.

If it’s not obvious whether you should speak or be silent, it’s probably best to remain mute.

To speak or not to speak… When you’re unsure, it’s better to err on the side of silence. It’s hard to retract words spoken, and you can always speak later.  

Personal assessment — Do you struggle more with speaking too much or not speaking enough?

When I was young I was out of balance in that I was too quiet. Then I went through a phase when I talked to much. Knowing when to speak and when to be silent is a never-ending challenge that we must calibrate and fine-tune for the rest of our lives.

Direction is more important than speed.

When you’re heading in the right direction, every step you take is progress. If you’re going in the wrong direction, every step is counterproductive. So whether you’re going slow or fast, direction trumps speed. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Make sure that first step is in the right direction.

When making important decisions that have long-term implications (career move, major financial decision, long-term relationship), slow down and carefully evaluate your options before starting.  

Movement is better than inactivity.

If you’re inordinately passive and/or you’re stuck, just start moving. Often, movement is better than inactivity, even if you’re not sure you’re going in the right direction. Several false starts will be better than doing nothing.  And when you start moving but soon realize you’re heading in the wrong direction, you can change course. It’s difficult to steer a stationary bike. 

Do you sense the tension between these two statements? One says “Don’t move until you know you’re going in the right direction.” The other says, “Stop being passive, just do something.”

Of course, correct direction and speed is optimum.

There is a scene in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland where Alice is talking to the Cheshire Cat, who is perched up in a tree. Alice is a bit confused about her direction, so she asks the cat:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a great deal on where you want to go,” replies the Cheshire Cat.

“I don’t much care where,” says Alice.

To which the feline replies, “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

Some people face the same predicament as Alice. They don’t really know which way they want to go in life, so they just wander aimlessly and soon become stagnant and stale, or, they don’t move at all.

Maintain a healthy balance between right direction and movement.

Anchoring (also called focalism) is a cognitive bias in which we become inordinately influenced by initial information (considered to be the “anchor”). Once we accept the anchor, all future judgments, decisions, negotiations, arguments, estimates, etc. are made in relation to the anchor. And we become reluctant to embrace information and facts that challenge the initial information. 

In short, we tend to rely too heavily on the first piece of information we’re given. It unduly influences our thinking.

For instance, anchoring is used by businesses and organizations to manipulate the perceived value of a product or service. The retail price of an item is listed (anchored) at $450, but it’s now on sale for $215. Naively, we may think the product is really worth $450 (though it may be worth only $50) so we believe the lower price must be a good value. To make matters worse, we may not even be interested in the item, but the “good deal” seems too good to pass up so we buy something we don’t need at an inflated price.

We can also become anchored to a plan of action, our first impression about an individual, a political persuasion, or the first comment we hear about a current event. 

Do not underestimate how gullible we humans are to this effect. In a study by Dan Ariely, an audience is first asked to write the last two digits of their social security number and consider whether they would pay this number of dollars for items whose value they did not know, such as wine, chocolate, and computer equipment. They were then asked to bid for these items. The audience members with higher two-digit numbers submitted bids that were between 60 percent and 120 percent higher than those with lower social security numbers. The number had become an anchor. When asked if they believed the number was informative of the value of the item, quite a few said yes. Even though everyone’s social security number is a random series of digits, those numbers had an effect on their decision-making. [My social security number ends with 00, so I probably would not have even bid.]

It’s very hard to totally avoid anchoring bias. Like all cognitive biases, it happens subconsciously, and it’s hard to identify, much less challenge subconscious thoughts. Here are some suggestions.

1. Be skeptical of first impressions. Challenge all thoughts and statements, but be particularly doubtful about first thoughts and statements. Develop counterarguments to primary thoughts.
2. When making a decision, always consider alternative options.
3. When making decisions as a group, designate someone to be the devil’s advocate—someone who will intentionally oppose and challenge the group’s ideas.

Mary and I love to travel and we especially enjoy traveling with friends.

For the past 15 years we’ve hosted an annual international trip limited to 50 people. We’ve explored Alaska, Western Europe, Russia, Israel, Peru, the Mediterranean, Baltic States, Greek Isles, British Isles, North Africa, and more.

Here’s a brochure about the upcoming October 5-18, 2027 trip to Italy, Greece,  Croatia, and Montenegro.    Adriatic-Trip-2027-Brochure-091926

Questions? Email me at djmcminn@msn.com

Don