Don McMinn

 

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead

Prior to War World 2, the US military produced fewer than 3,000 planes annually. Then came war. In the next five years Americans built 300,000 planes. That’s 6.8 planes an hour, 24 hours a day. Our industrial complex also built five ships per day for four years.

Several years ago I wrote a post highlighting the fact that in 2016, the Queen Mary 2 (which at 148,528 tons and 1,132 feet long, is one of the largest passenger ships in the world) was totally remastered in 26 days. It was totally rebuilt—engines overhauled, cabins redesigned, painted inside and out, technology updated—in less than a month. Try to imagine the complexity of that project. But it got done by a focused, motivated group of people, no doubt led by a determined leader.  

Leaders, your greatest opportunity and greatest challenge is to harness human potential. Begin by creating a vivid, viable vision that will activate and focus dormant human resources and motivate people to achieve things they could never imagine doing on their own. 

“Charm is deceptive” (Proverbs 31:30). 

“Though their speech is charming, do not believe them” (Proverbs 26:25).

Some people are unintentionally charming. For instance, my grandson, Benjamin. He’s endearing, likable, funny, adorable, and appealing. He doesn’t try to be charming, he just is. This is the adjective form of the word.

But some people intentionally try to charm people, often to manipulate them. This is the verb form of the word. Beware of these people.

For instance:

• • • We may be overly influenced by someone’s good looks; but just because someone is attractive, doesn’t mean she or he is competent, or possesses good character. Yet, studies indicate that attractive people are more likely to get hired for a job. Why is that so? 
    • We may be attracted to someone who talks a lot. But does verbosity imply anything other than…verbosity? 
    • We may be inordinately impressed by someone who has overcome a major obstacle. But is that single, valiant act reason to be entranced? 
    • Some people are overly impressed by professional athletes or movie stars. These individuals obviously excel at something, but does their narrow expertise make them an authority in other areas?

Leaders, when choosing team members don’t be misled by factors that don’t relate to job performance. Don’t be enamored by looks, talk, or bravado. Focus on qualities and experience that indicate competence and good character.

I started this post with Bible verses; I’ll end with one. 

“Don’t judge by his appearance or height… The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7, NLT).

“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf. I have followed that advice assiduously, and not only at home through 56 years of a marital partnership nonpareil. I have employed it as well in every workplace, including the Supreme Court. When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.”  –Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg [This excerpt from Ginsburg’s new book My Own Words appeared in a New York Times article.]

Your spouse, friend, colleague, or total stranger makes a silly, unnecessary, provocative, or dubious statement. It may be, at best, trivial, inaccurate, vague, or unfair; at worst, it’s tacky, wrong, even hurtful. Is it okay to just let verbal flatulence slowly dissipate without addressing it, or should we respond?

As Ginsburg advises, sometimes no response is the best response.

Granted, there are times when unwholesome words should be addressed, particularly if someone is a repeat offender. Chronic verbal abuse is inexcusable and should not go unchallenged.

So the question is: when should you ignore and when should you respond to an off-putting statement?

In the coming days, exercise the “Ginsburg-restraint.” It is a tool we all need in our relational toolbox.

A man without a smiling face must not open a shop. —Chinese proverb

Dale Carnegie’s terrific book, How to Win Friends and Influence People is a must-read. Though written 90 years ago (1926), it is so rooted in basic human psychology, it still speaks to our modern age.

He taught seminars based on the book to large audiences in New York City.

Carnegie devoted an entire chapter— A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression— to the topic of smiling. When he taught this chapter at his seminars, he gave his students a simple assignment: Smile at someone every hour of the day for the next week and then come back to class and talk about the results. The positive results of this simple exercise were profound. His students learned that a smile is one of the most potent people skills and that it can dramatically improve human relationships.

Richard Wiseman, in his book Quirkology: How We Discover the Big Truths in Small Things, said, “People smile when they feel happy. However, evidence suggests that the mechanism works in reverse; that is, people feel happy simply because they have smiled.” He refers to a 1988 research project conducted by Fritz Strack in which participants in one group were asked to hold a pencil between their teeth, but to ensure that it did not touch their lips which forced the lower part of their faces into a smile. Another group was asked to support the end of the pencil with just their lips, not their teeth, which forced their faces into a frown. The results revealed that people actually experience the emotion associated with their expressions. Those who had their faces forced into a smile felt happier.

Carnegie concluded his chapter on the power of a smile with these words:

The Value of a Smile

• • • It costs nothing, but creates much.
    • It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.
    • It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
    • None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.
    • It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends.
    • It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.
    • Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.

It’s helpful to consider the difference between our resting face and our engaged face.

Resting face – the way your face looks when you are at ease, with facial muscles relaxed. 

Engaged face – the way your face looks when you are consciously manipulating your face to appear more engaged, approachable, and friendly. I’ve also heard this called a “yes face.”

To display an engaged face, raise the eyebrows, open up the eyes, smile, and raise the forehead. To exhibit a resting face, do nothing. 

Let’s accept the same assignment Dale Carnegie challenged his students with: Put on you engaged face and smile at someone every hour of the day for the next week and then come back to class and talk about the results. Or, in our case, respond to this blog post.