Don McMinn

 

This is a picture of me teaching my granddaughter, Claire, how to turn a light switch on and off and what happens when she does. Every time she throws the switch she looks at the light fixture. She’s learning that there’s a connection between her hand moving the switch and the light being on or off.

I’m introducing her to the immutable concept that all actions have consequences. Cause and effect—the direct relationship between an action or event and its consequence or result.

In the coming years I’ll expand this lesson to include:

• • • All words have consequences. 
      • • When I spoke harshly to a direct report, it created a breach in our relationship.
        • When I said “I love you” to my daughter, it strengthened our relationship. 
    • All thoughts have consequences. 
      • • Daydreaming about my granddaughter brings me joy and motivates me to be a better grandfather. 
        • Critical thoughts about people sully my mind.  
    • All commitments have consequences. 
      • • I committed to spend my life with Mary. I’m so glad I did. 
        • In 1984 I invested in a land syndication in Houston. It took decades to recoup my money.  
    • All decisions have consequences
      • • In college I decided to major in music.
        • We moved back to Dallas 33 years ago.
    • All financial transactions have consequences. 
      • • I started investing in the stock market in the mid-70’s when the Dow Jones average was 844. Today it’s at 43,000. 
        • In the early 80’s I withdrew $10k from my retirement fund to buy a car. If I had not done that the $10k would now be worth $51k. 
    • Neglect, passivity, and procrastination have consequences. 
      • • Years ago I didn’t change my home HVAC filters regularly and the motor burned out. 
        • For about 10 years, as a young adult, I did not read any books. 

Every cause creates an effect. Positive actions will lead to positive outcomes, and negative actions will lead to negative outcomes.

Once Claire understands the law of cause and effect, I’ll teach her about the domino effect—when one event sets off a series of similar or related events, a form of chain reaction.

For instance, having turned off the light in a room, you might then trip over a toy and sprain your foot, which will prevent you from participating in the family ski trip. Having turned on a light in a room you may see an object that you thought was lost, which will save you from buying another one, which will allow you to spend the money on a book, which when read may change your life. One thing leads to another which leads to another.

“Claire, the primary lesson you must learn is: before you do anything, think about the potential consequences. Always be thinking of consequences.” 

The Bible says is succinctly; “What a person plants, he will harvest” (Galatians 6:7).

At the end of the day, we typically begin casual conversations by asking “What did you do today?” Another good question is, “What did you learn today?” 

Everyone has a quick answer to the first question, even if it’s just “not much.” But most of us would stumble over the second question because we seldom consider learning to be a daily function. We’d be confused by the question and hard-pressed to answer. 

But if asked regularly, the question can serve as a reminder and a prompt, that all through life and in all settings,  we can, and should, continually learn.

We have much to learn.

“We all differ in what we know, but in infinite ignorance, we are all equal.” Karl Popper

Few things will stifle learning more than intellectual arrogance accompanied by a false sense of knowing-it-all. Sadly, some people live as if they have maxed out their learning—there’s little more to learn, do, or become. Instead, we should view ourself as unfinished—a work in progress. We all live in what Popper calls the realm of “infinite ignorance.” A healthy, proper approach to learning is predicated upon a deep humility based on the fact that we know and understand so little.

Imagine a grain of rice inside a five-gallon bucket. The grain of rice represents what you currently know; the space in the bucket represents what you could learn.

Develop an enquiring mind; be curious.

But admitting that we have a lot to learn is not enough, we must have a curious, inquiring mind. 

Albert Einstein once said, “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.” I think he was being excessively modest in the first phrase, but notice his emphasis on curiosity in the second. An engaged, curious mind is supple, eager, and insatiable.

Learn from other people.

Secondhand knowledge allows us to benefit from what others have learned. What may have taken someone years to learn (and often through formidable adversity), we can learn quickly and painlessly. One way to do this is to read other people’s thoughts—read 15 minutes a day and think about what you read. Another way to learn from others is through observation and intentional conversation. Lean by listening to and observing others. We can learn from anyone, regardless of their background, education, age, or occupation. 

Learn from your own experiences.

Firsthand knowledge comes from personal experiences. Every day, life offers the opportunity for continuing education. But we’ll only learn if we’re attentive and wanting to learn. The next time you go shopping or eat at a restaurant, or mow your lawn, anticipate that you’re going to learn something and you will. 

Years ago I developed a simple equation to express how we can learn from experiences: the 10/60/30 concept. This notion suggests that in all of life’s experiences you should devote a certain percentage of your time to three elements: anticipate (perhaps 10%), experience (perhaps 60%), and reflect (perhaps 30%). The percentages can be adjusted for different activities.

For instance:

• • • When reading a book—spend a few minutes anticipating what you hope to learn from the book, read the book, and then reflect on what you have learned. This ration might be 5/60/35.
    • Prior to a business appointment—think about what you hope to accomplish in the meeting, have the meeting, and then reflect on what transpired and the next steps of action. These percentages might be 15/65/20.
    • Prior to a vacation—research where you’re going, bon voyage, and at the end of each day codify your thoughts in a journal.  These percentages might be 10/70/20.

Tonight, during dinner, ask everyone to share what they learned today. It will prompt interesting conversation.

Let me ask you, “What did you learn today?” Try to have a new answer to that question every day.

 

Last Friday Mary and I hosted a dinner for 42 people who are going on our trip to Alaska. Wonderful things happened during the three hours we were together. New friendships were formed, old friendships were strengthened, and a spirit of camaraderie developed. We’ll host another dinner with the same people before the trip.

During these meals we experience what the Spanish call sobremesa.

Sobremesa is a Spanish word that describes the time spent around the table after lunch or dinner, talking to the people you shared the meal with; time to digest and savor both food and friendship.

There is something profoundly satisfying about sharing a meal with other people. Eating together is one of the oldest and most fundamental unifying human experiences. It can simultaneously fulfill physical, emotional, and relational needs.

It will help establish and deepen friendships

If I share my food with you it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it. (That’s a joke.) Seriously, I can’t think of a better way to solidify friendships than sharing a meal together. It slows down our pace, narrows our space, focuses our attention, and creates a relaxing ambience—all of which are beneficial for deepening friendships.

It’s good for business

Since humans first walked the earth, we’ve known that sharing a meal can be good for business. For instance, a recent study revealed that it doesn’t take much to get a doctor to prescribe a brandname medication—just a free meal. The study found that U.S. doctors who received a single free meal from a drug company were more likely to prescribe the drug than doctors who received no such meals. [Even Cheap Meals Influence Doctors’ Drug Prescriptions, Study Suggests, Peter Loftus, WSJ, June 20, 2016].

I’ve never understood why some organizations are stingy with the amount of funds allocated for business meals. I once worked with a group of six senior executives at a $75 million dollar a year business. They were frustrated that the CEO, in order to save money, eliminated their budget for business meals, which saved the company a whopping $24k a year. I suspect that poor decision cost the company a lot of revenue.

It engenders good will

Treat someone to a $15 lunch and they’ll be your friend forever. Well, that’s an exaggeration; but it’s true that even a small amount of money and time will generate a lot of relational capital.

A weekly family meal can become a wonderful family tradition

I enjoy watching the sitcom, Bluebloods (on CBS). It follows the lives of three generations of New York City police officers. In most episodes, there’s a scene showing their weekly, Sunday afternoon family meal in which they gather around the dinner table to talk, argue, laugh, and pass the potatoes.

Every family would benefit from this tradition. My family has started eating a meal together every Friday night at the Lakehouse, followed by games. Last week the game was, Get in groups of three people, grab one of the dogs, and teach it to dance. In a moment, choose a song you want to dance to and let it rip. We laughed so hard our sides ached.

I double-dog-dare you: initiate and host meals and enjoy the sobremesa.

 

We can’t control most things in life. We can’t control the weather, other people, our DNA, our family of origin, etc. But in most situations, there are things we can control that lead to health and happiness. We need to embrace and do those things.

I am impatient with people who are unhappy and think there are no solutions to their problems so they become passive; they do nothing. They refuse to do even simple things that could improve their life.

I saw this poster (above) in the psychiatric ward of a hospital. It was for the benefit of patients who are suffering from depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other psychological disorders. My heart goes out to those who suffer from these debilitating ailments. I have struggled with depression so I empathize with these types of challenges.

I like this poster because it implies an encouraging message: “You may feel trapped in a mire of mental dissonance. Our physicians will do all they can do to help you. But here are 10 things you can start doing immediately that will help. You can do these, so do them.”

Don’t use circumstances that are ostensibly out of your control as an excuse for inactivity. Take responsibility for discovering and doing things you can do—regardless of how small or insignificant they may seem—that will contribute to a desired outcome. I’m advocating initiative, engagement, and action; not acquiescence, passivity, or capitulation.

In life, don’t focus on things you cannot control; concentrate on things you can do and do them.

The image of the poster is small so the words may be hard to read. Here’s what it says.

Manage your time — Flexible little routines lower stress by increasing daily predictability. Remember that your schedule doesn’t need to be rigid. Create short lists for today and not beyond the weekend. Say out loud what you are grateful for each day.

Prepare for the day — Take 10 minutes each evening to prepare for the next day. Write down meal plans and pack lunches ahead of time. Pick out clothing, set out shoes and put items you need in one place. Call or arrange meetings of your everyday activities.

Enjoy little things — Slow down and enjoy the moment you’re in. Focus on the details of your everyday activities.

Move often —  Regular exercise reduces stress and improves health. Small spurts of activity work well even if you can’t schedule a workout. A 10-minute walk can be just as effective as a 45-minute workout to relieve anxiety.

Laugh often — Laughter releases endorphins that improve mood and immune health; lowers levels of stress hormones, cortisol, and epinephrin; and improves management of physical pain.

Enjoy nature and creativity — Spending time outdoors is a natural antidepressant. Natural scents and sights have a calming effect. Take time to enjoy art, music, and dance.

Breathe deeply — Take 5 minutes to breathe slowly and deeply when you feel anxious. Slow breaths reduce stress hormones in the body and lower heart rate and blood pressure. 

Meditate daily — Meditation is about finding inner peace. Find simple ways to calm your mind, like taking a bath or listening to soft music.

Keep a joy journal — Journaling promotes reflection and organization of thoughts. Entries can be long or short. Journal positive situations, achievements, and the little things of life. Record what you are grateful for.

Sleep well.