Author: Don McMinn

Friends,

Three weeks ago Mary and I returned from a 17-day trip to Europe. We left from Ft. Lauderdale, crossed the Atlantic on Celebrity Reflection, and then visited Portugal, Spain, France, and Italy, ending in Rome.

Once again, I was reminded why traveling is so enjoyable and beneficial. We unplugged from our daily routines and experienced a deep rest. We also learned more about the world we live in and more about ourselves.

Mark Twain once said, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”

Saint Augustine proffered, “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”

Cruising is my favorite mode of traveling because it is:

A win-win scenario 

I like scenarios in which everyone wins. The opposite is a zero-sum situation in which someone must lose for someone else to win (ex. football game, chess). Cruising is a win-win scenario for the cruise company and the customer. When I’m on a cruise ship I often think, “How in the world are they providing this level of luxury service for the price I have paid? Free meals and drinks, nightly entertainment, luxury environment, transportation to incredible places.” But the cruise company is making money or they wouldn’t be in business, and I’m a more than satisfied customer. We’re both delighted.

The best value in traveling

Because cruising is all inclusive, it’s a great value. For instance, when we recently completed our 14 day cruise we stayed an extra two days in Rome. As soon we stepped off the boat we were no longer in the all-inclusive bubble that cruises offer. Our taxi from the port to the center of Rome was $140, lunch was $60, dinner was $100, our hotel costs $300 per night. The two days on land costs 1/3 of what our entire 14 day cruise cost.

Convenient

The ship transfers you from one port to the next—during the night—which saves time and money. We went to sleep in Palma Mallorca, Spain and woke up in Toulon, France. The next morning the ship was docked in Florence, Italy. It would have taken days to travel from one country to another via ground transportation, but with cruising, the ship travels while you sleep.

On our fall Travel with Friends trip to the Greek Isles we’ll visit Rome, Sicily, Athens, Istanbul, Santorini, Mykonos, Ephesus, and Naples, without having to fly or drive from one destination to another.

Another convenience is not having to move between different hotels, constantly packing and repacking. On the fall trip you’ll unpack your suitcase the first day on the ship and not bother with it again for twelve days.

Trip to the Greek Isles – September 23-October 7

Please join me this fall 2022, on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the cradle of Western civilization. There are only two cabins available.

We’ll visit Rome, the eternal city; Athens, the birthplace of democracy; Istanbul, where East meets West, Ephesus, where we’ll visit the famous Celsus Library; three Greek isles (There are 6,000 islands in Greece; we’ll visit two of the best: Santorini, Messina, and Mykonos.); and Naples, Italy, where we’ll visit the ruins of Pompeii and the beautiful Amalfi Coast.

Travel takes time and money, but it’s worth the investment. You’ll be stretched and challenged, and you’ll learn more about the world in which you live and the life you live in the world. 

I hope you’ll join me on this memorable trip to southern Europe.

Here’s a brochure with all the details.  Travel with Friends – 2022-Brochure

Questions? Email me at [email protected]

“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf. I have followed that advice assiduously, and not only at home through 56 years of a marital partnership nonpareil. I have employed it as well in every workplace, including the Supreme Court. When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.”  –Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg [This excerpt from Ginsburg’s new book My Own Words appeared in a New York Times article.]

Your spouse, friend, colleague, or total stranger makes a silly, unnecessary, provocative, or dubious statement. It may be, at best, trivial, inaccurate, vague, or unfair; at worst, it’s tacky, wrong, even hurtful.

When is it okay to just let verbal flatulence slowly dissipate without addressing it, and when is response compulsory?

As Ginsburg advises, sometimes no response is the best response.

Granted, there are times when unwholesome words should be addressed, particularly if someone is a repeat offender. Chronic verbal abuse is inexcusable and should not go unchallenged.

So the question is: when should you ignore and when should you respond to an off-putting statement?

In the coming days, exercise the “Ginsburg-restraint.” It is a tool we all need in our relational toolbox.

There is a difference between a biblical absolute, a spiritual conviction, and a personal opinion. It’s important to know the difference and not misapply them. This chart defines the three terms and explains how they differ.

There are several ways to misapply these terms.

1. Sometimes, we call something a biblical absolute when it is not. Ex: “Christians should not drink alcohol.” There is no biblical prohibition for drinking alcohol. It may be your spiritual conviction, but it’s not a biblical absolute. We misrepresent God and confuse people when we label something as sin that the Bible doesn’t. 
2. Sometimes, we erroneously elevate a spiritual conviction to the level of biblical absolute. Ex: “You must have a daily quiet time.” This is certainly a good idea, but it’s a spiritual conviction, not a biblical absolute. Don’t suggest that God will be displeased at me if I don’t have a daily quiet time.
3. While it’s good and normal to have personal preferences, at times we may need to hold them loosely and yield to the preferences of others. We should acknowledge and accept other people’s preferences.

Consider each of these statements. Is it a biblical absolute, spiritual conviction, or personal preference?

1. Do not speak unwholesome words.
2. We should sing only hymns in church.
3. Forgive one another.
4. I like living in the country.
5. We should sing only praise choruses at church.
6. I’m going to read my Bible every morning before I go to work.
7. I would rather spend my extra money on nice clothes than a nice car.
8. It’s important for a church to have Sunday night services.
9. Be completely gentle.
10. We feel strongly that our children should attend public school.
11. Encourage one another.
12. I’m going to participate in the anti-abortion rally.
13. On my day off, I enjoy solitude.

Numbers 1,3,9 and 11 are directives from the Bible, so they are nonnegotiable. Numbers 6,10 and 12 are spiritual convictions. The remaining statements are preferences.

Know when to hold tight to your persuasions and when to hold them loosely.

In a now-famous article titled “Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?” (Harvard Business Review, November, 1974), authors Oncken and Wass created a clever and memorable illustration on how a person can unwittingly accept responsibility for activities that should be handled by others.

In the illustration, the “monkey” is simply the next move. It is not the problem, or the project, or the goal, or the desired result; it is the next step.

Read the three scenarios below and picture a monkey leaping from the back of the direct report, teenager, and repairman to the shoulders of the boss, mom, and homeowner. Once you visualize the long-tailed primate jumping from one person to another, you’ll never forget the illustration. Since becoming aware of this phenomenon, sometimes in conversations I can almost feel the weight of a monkey as it jumps from my back onto someone else’s or from their back to mine.

• Imagine that you’re walking toward your office when one of your direct reports approaches and says, “I’m not sure how to handle a problem we’re having on a project.” You reply, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back with you.” The monkey is now on your back.
• Imagine that your teenager approaches you and says, “Mom, I can’t find my baseball shirt.” You reply, “I may have put it in the washing machine, let me check.” The monkey is now on your back.
• Imagine that you’re having some repair work done at your house and the repairman says, “I’m not sure this repair will meet city code.” You reply, “I’ll call the city and ask.” The monkey is now on your back.

I fall into this monkey-on-my-back trap often because 1) I like to do things myself, 2) sometimes I think I can do a better job at certain things than others can, and 3) I’m a people pleaser so I’m inclined to do people’s jobs for them.

When we allow employees, children, workers, and friends to handle their own monkeys, they will grow, acquire new skills, become more responsible, and more work will get done. And we’ll have more time to do those things that only we should do and more discretionary time to enjoy life.

Here’s a copy of the article.