Author: Don McMinn

“One day at a time sweet Jesus, that’s all I’m asking of You. Just give me the strength to do everyday what I have to do.” lyrics by Meriam Bellina

Currently, I have friends and family members who’s lives are in turmoil. Every day brings a new wave of stress and distress. There’s seldom a break in the fray and the future looks dim. Depression is often a bedfellow. Paranoia and paralysis h are closing in.

How do we respond to friends and family members when they’re going through hell on earth?

First, we empathize with them. As deeply and sincerely as possible, try to feel as they are feeling, and offer words of comfort.

Secondly, we pray with them when we’re together and for them when we’re away.

Thirdly—and this must be said at the right time and in the right way—I give this advice: “Do what’s in front of you and then do the next thing.”

Elizabeth Elliott, Christian author and speaker, said it this way, “Sometimes life is so hard you can only do the next thing. Whatever that is, just do the next thing. God will meet you there.”

The next thing might be something simple and ordinary: unload the dishwasher, get out of bed, read a book, take a walk. Or, the next thing may be more strategic: apply for a job, go to church, tackle a problem head on, initiate a difficult but necessary conversation.

Just keep moving in the right direction; even baby steps are helpful. You can’t steer a bicycle unless it’s moving, so keep moving.

Often, you will be the one who is stuck, so say to yourself, “I’m going to do what’s in front of me and then do the next thing.” It’s a simple, almost simplistic strategy, but sometimes it’s just enough to get us unstuck and moving in the right direction.  

One of my favorite leadership mantras is: All of us are smarter than one of us. There’s wisdom in a multitude of counselors. Any idea, plan, or decision will be improved upon when we get multiple opinions. It’s good advice for leaders and it also applies to our personal lives. 

As a leader I always try to follow this advice, but in my personal life I have failed miserably. I’ve made major career moves without seeking advice. On my own, I decided which colleges to attend and what to study. When Mary and I were considering marriage we didn’t ask for input. Recently, when I purchased a car, I didn’t seek counsel.

I’m not proud of my Lone Ranger approach to life and I’m trying to figure out why that has been my default setting. I suspect at least two reasons: in the early stages of my life I was emotionally alone, and, I am self-reliant and over-confident. 

How about you—do you struggle with this issue?

The Quakers have  a wonderful solution to this problem: the Clearness Committee. It is a well-structured approach to allowing others to have input into major decisions. This article by Parker Palmer—The Clearness Committee – A Communal Approach to Discernment—is worth the five minutes it takes to read.

Proverbs 11:14 teaches: “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.” (NLT) Personalize this verse by substituting “a person” for “nation.” When making decisions, ask for help and advice. There’s no downside to doing so. 

One day, the famous Bible scholar Matthew Henry (1662-1714) was attacked by a thief who stole his wallet. That evening he wrote these words in his diary.

“Lord you have taught us to be thankful in all things. Today I was robbed. I am grateful for that experience for four reasons. First, I am thankful because it was the first time I have been robbed. Second, though he took my wallet, he did not take my life. Third, though he took all my money, it wasn’t very much money. Fourth, I thank you because it was I who was robbed and not I who robbed.”

How did Mr. Henry adopt and practice this life-enhancing attitude? I suspect that for most of his life, Mr. Henry took seriously and lived 1 Thessalonians 5:18: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Thankfulness is an antidote for unhealthy and troubling thoughts and emotions. When you’re struggling with feelings like frustration, envy, hurt, or aloneness, take a moment to recount your blessings, and gratitude will help take the sting out of the painful emotions. Consistently and continually, live a life of gratitude and eventually your thinking and feeling will be recalibrated. Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out. 

Thankfulness is an attitude but it takes on special meaning when it is expressed. Keep a gratitude journal in which you write about things for which you are grateful. Send a gratitude letter or email to someone and express thankfulness for their influence on your life or a kind deed they did. Make a gratitude visit for the sole purpose of expressing thankfulness to someone. 

Be thankful.