Don McMinn

A man without a smiling face must not open a shop. —Chinese proverb

Dale Carnegie’s terrific book, How to Win Friends and Influence People is a must-read. Though written 90 years ago (1926), it is so rooted in basic human psychology, it still speaks to our modern age.

He taught seminars based on the book to large audiences in New York City.

Carnegie devoted an entire chapter— A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression— to the topic of smiling. When he taught this chapter at his seminars, he gave his students a simple assignment: Smile at someone every hour of the day for the next week and then come back to class and talk about the results. The positive results of this simple exercise were profound. His students learned that a smile is one of the most potent people skills and that it can dramatically improve human relationships.

Richard Wiseman, in his book Quirkology: How We Discover the Big Truths in Small Things, said, “People smile when they feel happy. However, evidence suggests that the mechanism works in reverse; that is, people feel happy simply because they have smiled.” He refers to a 1988 research project conducted by Fritz Strack in which participants in one group were asked to hold a pencil between their teeth, but to ensure that it did not touch their lips which forced the lower part of their faces into a smile. Another group was asked to support the end of the pencil with just their lips, not their teeth, which forced their faces into a frown. The results revealed that people actually experience the emotion associated with their expressions. Those who had their faces forced into a smile felt happier (page 205).

Carnegie concluded his chapter on the power of a smile with these words:

The Value of a Smile

• • • It costs nothing, but creates much.
    • It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.
    • It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
    • None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.
    • It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends.
    • It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.
    • Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.

It’s helpful to consider the difference between our resting face and our engaged face.

Resting face – the way your face looks when you are at ease, with facial muscles relaxed. 

Engaged face – the way your face looks when you are consciously manipulating your face to appear more engaged, approachable, and friendly. I’ve also heard this called a “yes face.”

To display an engaged face, raise the eyebrows, open up the eyes, smile, and raise the forehead. To exhibit a resting face, do nothing. 

Let’s accept the same assignment Dale Carnegie challenged his students with: Put on you engaged face and smile at someone every hour of the day for the next week and then come back to class and talk about the results. Or, in our case, respond to this blog post.

Greek Isles Cruise – only one cabin is available

In three months a group of travelers and I will be visiting some of the great cities of the world: Rome, Athens, Ephesus, Istanbul, Naples; and some of the most beautiful geography on planet Earth: Santorini, Mykonos, Sicily.

There’s room for two more people.

Here’s a brochure with all the details.  Travel with Friends – 2022-Brochure

Questions? Email me at [email protected]

 

Routines are beneficial because they identify and organize helpful actions and create an efficient system to accomplish them. It’s amazing how much we can accomplish through well-planned routines.

My morning routine includes: 

• Get out of bed
• Put on casual clothes
• Let Buddy outside
• Start the coffee (French-press style)
• Drink a glass of water (including Benefiber)
• Read for 30 minutes
• Review my priorities for the day
• Get dressed for work
• Start my day

This week I’m adding a new element: When I get out of bed, as soon as my feet hit the floor, I’m going to say out loud, “Thank you God, I am grateful for this new day.” I want my first waking thought to be an expression of gratitude. I want it to set the tone of the day. Regardless of how I feel—emotionally or physically—I am grateful for another opportunity to experience life. Even on a bad day, I’m fortunate and blessed. Every day is a gift. 

Expressions of gratitude are powerful. They set your mental path, ward off negative thoughts, produce hope and peace, and establish perspective.  

At the beginning of each new day, 24 hours of life appear before us like a blank sheet of paper. Thoughts of gratitude will help steer us in a positive, hopeful direction.

My grandson, Benjamin, is seven years old. This year we started memorizing poetry together. We’ll continue to do this for as long as I’m alive. The first poem we memorized is a hymn: For the Beauty of the Earth. It mentions 22 things for which we can be grateful. I hope the song will guide him throughout life.

For the beauty of the earth
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies.

Chorus
Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the wonder of each hour,
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower,
Sun and moon, and stars of light.

For the joy of ear and eye,
For the heart and mind’s delight,
For the mystic harmony
Linking sense to sound and sight.

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth and friends above,
For all gentle thoughts and mild.

For Thy Church, that evermore
Lifteth holy hands above,
Offering up on every shore
Her pure sacrifice of love.

For Thyself, best gift divine,
To our race so freely given;
For that great, great love of Thine,
Peace on earth and joy in heaven.

Words by Folliott Pierpoint

Friends,

Three weeks ago Mary and I returned from a 17-day trip to Europe. We left from Ft. Lauderdale, crossed the Atlantic on Celebrity Reflection, and then visited Portugal, Spain, France, and Italy, ending in Rome.

Once again, I was reminded why traveling is so enjoyable and beneficial. We unplugged from our daily routines and experienced a deep rest. We also learned more about the world we live in and more about ourselves.

Mark Twain once said, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”

Saint Augustine proffered, “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”

Cruising is my favorite mode of traveling because it is:

A win-win scenario 

I like scenarios in which everyone wins. The opposite is a zero-sum situation in which someone must lose for someone else to win (ex. football game, chess). Cruising is a win-win scenario for the cruise company and the customer. When I’m on a cruise ship I often think, “How in the world are they providing this level of luxury service for the price I have paid? Free meals and drinks, nightly entertainment, luxury environment, transportation to incredible places.” But the cruise company is making money or they wouldn’t be in business, and I’m a more than satisfied customer. We’re both delighted.

The best value in traveling

Because cruising is all inclusive, it’s a great value. For instance, when we recently completed our 14 day cruise we stayed an extra two days in Rome. As soon we stepped off the boat we were no longer in the all-inclusive bubble that cruises offer. Our taxi from the port to the center of Rome was $140, lunch was $60, dinner was $100, our hotel costs $300 per night. The two days on land costs 1/3 of what our entire 14 day cruise cost.

Convenient

The ship transfers you from one port to the next—during the night—which saves time and money. We went to sleep in Palma Mallorca, Spain and woke up in Toulon, France. The next morning the ship was docked in Florence, Italy. It would have taken days to travel from one country to another via ground transportation, but with cruising, the ship travels while you sleep.

On our fall Travel with Friends trip to the Greek Isles we’ll visit Rome, Sicily, Athens, Istanbul, Santorini, Mykonos, Ephesus, and Naples, without having to fly or drive from one destination to another.

Another convenience is not having to move between different hotels, constantly packing and repacking. On the fall trip you’ll unpack your suitcase the first day on the ship and not bother with it again for twelve days.

Trip to the Greek Isles – September 23-October 7

Please join me this fall 2022, on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the cradle of Western civilization. There are only two cabins available.

We’ll visit Rome, the eternal city; Athens, the birthplace of democracy; Istanbul, where East meets West, Ephesus, where we’ll visit the famous Celsus Library; three Greek isles (There are 6,000 islands in Greece; we’ll visit two of the best: Santorini, Messina, and Mykonos.); and Naples, Italy, where we’ll visit the ruins of Pompeii and the beautiful Amalfi Coast.

Travel takes time and money, but it’s worth the investment. You’ll be stretched and challenged, and you’ll learn more about the world in which you live and the life you live in the world. 

I hope you’ll join me on this memorable trip to southern Europe.

Here’s a brochure with all the details.  Travel with Friends – 2022-Brochure

Questions? Email me at [email protected]

“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf. I have followed that advice assiduously, and not only at home through 56 years of a marital partnership nonpareil. I have employed it as well in every workplace, including the Supreme Court. When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out. Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.”  –Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg [This excerpt from Ginsburg’s new book My Own Words appeared in a New York Times article.]

Your spouse, friend, colleague, or total stranger makes a silly, unnecessary, provocative, or dubious statement. It may be, at best, trivial, inaccurate, vague, or unfair; at worst, it’s tacky, wrong, even hurtful.

When is it okay to just let verbal flatulence slowly dissipate without addressing it, and when is response compulsory?

As Ginsburg advises, sometimes no response is the best response.

Granted, there are times when unwholesome words should be addressed, particularly if someone is a repeat offender. Chronic verbal abuse is inexcusable and should not go unchallenged.

So the question is: when should you ignore and when should you respond to an off-putting statement?

In the coming days, exercise the “Ginsburg-restraint.” It is a tool we all need in our relational toolbox.