Most of us are overly concerned about what people notice about us and what they think of us. For instance, we may spend an inordinate amount of time choosing what we wear, convinced that most people will notice. We’re worried that we didn’t talk enough or talked too much at a business luncheon.

To some degree, this is to be expected. Because each of us is the center of our own universe, we focus on ourselves and think other people do too. Because we are so focused on our own behavior, it’s hard for us to assess how much or how little our behavior is noticed by others. Tom Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell University, has studied this issue for years, and his research helps us think clearly about this.

In a 2000 study, Gilovich conducted an experiment in which he asked students to enter a classroom, filled with their peers, while wearing a Barry Manilow T-shirt. At the time, this was not a cool thing to do; the students were embarrassed to be seen wearing that T-shirt. After the encounter, the students participating in the experiment estimated that 50% of their peers noticed the Manilow shirt and probably talked about it to others. But when questioned, less than 20% of their peers had noticed.

Gilovich demonstrated the same exaggerated misperceptions in other studies, such as group discussions about social issues. In one study, Gilovich reported that students also overestimated how well their own gaffes and clever arguments were noticed by others in discussion groups. 

The bottom line is: We’re not as interesting as we think and other people don’t notice us nearly as much as we think they do.

This fact will either disappoint you or give you peace.

If you delight in being the center of attention, if you have narcissistic tendencies, if your sense of value and self-worth come from the attention and admiration of others…you’ll be disappointed to learn that most people don’t even notice you or care what you are doing.

But this insight should actually give us peace. We don’t need to live our lives feeling like we’re constantly walking down a model’s catwalk. We can cease worrying about what people think of us because they seldom do.

Years ago I had a mustache for about 10 years. The day I shaved it off I anticipated a lot of comments. My wife and children didn’t even notice. I should have learned this lesson that day. 

At my work at the church, we always pursue excellence, but sometimes we make mistakes. There was a typo on one of the worship slides; I brought the choir in a measure early; we missed a deadline. When boo-boos happen we thoughtfully say, “We made a mistake, but no one died.” The phrase helps put things into proper perspective.

There are environments in which mistakes can be fatal: emergency rooms, airplane flights, military engagements. But for most of us, our mistakes are less impactful and certainly not fatal.

Don’t use this phrase as an excuse for mistakes and don’t be dismissive or nonchalant about failures. Own up to your mistakes, analyze them, and learn from them. But don’t exaggerate their impact, shame the person responsible, or carve the incident in tablets of stone. Let it pass.

Extend this grace and generosity to yourself. When you mess up, don’t reach for the proverbial hammer and pound your head. Learn all you can, then drop it and move on. 

Don’t be cavalier about mistakes but don’t overreact—unless someone died.

Every day we feel a plethora of emotions. Some are painful (hurt, fear, insecurity), others are pleasant (happy, fulfilled, secure). One of my favorite emotions is the sense of awe and wonder—a mixture of amazement, reverence, incredulity, surprise, admiration, serendipity, providence, and often beauty. I seldom feel it, which makes it even more special when I do.

Moments of awe arrest your attention, slow your pace, cause you to whisper, and sometimes make you gently weep. Time changes to slow motion mode.

Here are some examples of times when I’ve been overcome by awe and wonder. 

When my family and I were on a December transatlantic crossing of the Queen Mary 2, the ship sailed into a snowstorm. It was nearly a white out. I thought it was lovely and refreshing but the moment didn’t produce feelings of awe until I noticed the waitstaff had stopped what they were doing to watch the snow fall. Most of them were raised in Malaysia and had never seen snow. Soon, they were on the deck throwing snowballs at each other. Watching their reaction to seeing snow for the first time filled my heart with awe.

On one of our Travel with Friends trips, we were driving down the eastern coast of Ireland when two complete seven-colors rainbows appeared, almost overlapping, with all four points disappearing into the sea. Rainbows usually vanish rapidly but these remained for a long time.

Several years ago Mary and I were visiting the Sagrada Familia Cathedral in Barcelona. Designed by Gaudi, it will finally be finished in 2025 – 150 years after construction began. The entire western wall of the cathedral is stained glass. Every afternoon at a certain moment in time direct sunlight shines through the colorful glass and floods the space with a kaleidoscope of color; even visitors become illuminated with colors. We were there to sense the moment.

Notice that these three examples occurred while traveling. Moments of awe and wonder occur in day-to-day living but the frequency seems to accelerate when we’re in foreign places. Perhaps we’re just more observant while traveling, or we’re jostled out of our ruts.

When was the last time you felt awe and wonder?

 See below for a travel opportunity-of-a-lifetime.

Off to Alaska!

I’ve scheduled two information meetings regarding the July 30-August 11 2025 trip to Alaska. [Here’s the brochure.]

1. 1. Wednesday, October 30, 6:00-6:30 in the choir room at Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, TX.

   2. Thursday, October 31, 6:00-6:45 Zoom meeting. If you want to participate just send me your email address.