I often struggle with pre-judging people and then not taking the time to correct my thinking by getting to know them. Last Sunday I had the presence of mind to correct this bad habit, at least for one time.
While at church, I saw a man sitting in the foyer who looked different from me and I pre-judged him—an unkind and unfounded impression formed in my mind. I quickly recognized my presumptuous thinking and wanted to correct it so I stopped, introduced myself, and engaged with him for about five minutes. I left the conversation thinking, “he and I could become good friends.” I had totally misjudged him.
As humans, our instinct is to quickly form an opinion of others based on the information at hand. Science says we can’t do much about those initial reactions, but we can discipline ourselves to challenge the impulsive assumptions. Abraham Lincoln knew these initial instincts were just hypotheses (I don’t like that person), and that they must be investigated and tested (I must get to know him better). Psychologist Paul Bloom says these snap hypotheses are often justified and even correct, but as rational beings we should constrain our impulses and investigate further.
Several old adages express the same thought: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” “Don’t judge someone’s outside by your inside.” The Bible plainly teaches “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).
There is an organization in Denmark called The Human Library where you can go to a library and instead of borrowing a book, you borrow a person. That person sits with you and tells you about their life. It’s an opportunity to understand another person’s perspective and life experience. What a great idea: a judgment buster.
Think of someone you might have misjudged and take the initiative and time to get to know him better.
Love this Don. I remember years ago when I came to church alone and sat in about the third row from the front. Before the service started you came off the platform and “got acquainted” with me. I’ve always appreciated that.
Bobbye
Bobbye, thanks for the fond memory. I’m so glad we met and have become friends. Take care, Don.
Forty years ago a guy a work drove me absolutely crazy. I prayed about it and got to know him better. I have know idea (except my prayer) where that idea came from. The results were phenomenal! Subsequently, I have used this method through the years. I highly recommend it.
Melody, thanks for sharing your experience. Through the years I’ve learned that if I’ll take the time to greet someone for the first time, they’ll open up and engage with me. Most people want to be known by others. Take care, Don.
Yes, I agree. “Most people want to be known by others.”
Thanks, Melody, for taking the time to respond. Don
Always enjoying reading these –
as I read the comment regarding Denmark having an organization called the Human Library – I thought about a community service I did in college with the BSU – we went to a local nursing home and visited with some of the residents.
I still remember discussing with one man his WWII experiences and another woman about her son. In my profession, I’ve had the privelege of hearing many accounts of peoples experiences and lives that are sometimes quite surprising from the individual I imagined them to be! Thank you!!
Stacey, thanks for sharing this story. I imagine those college experiences has made you a good listener. Are you a counselor? Take care, Don.