Author: Don McMinn

Years ago, I realized that if left undirected, many conversations among groups of people are awkward, trivial, and unbalanced. This first became clear to me when I met with a group of older men who had been meeting together once a week for years. I assumed that because they had met so often that they knew each other well. But I soon realized that they had never talked about serious issues of life; they just repeated the same conversations about the weather, sports, and news. Two of the men were unaware they were both veterans of WW2.

I continued to meet with this group each week for several months. Once I became a trusted member, I started “orchestrating” the conversations by asking questions and encouraging everyone to respond. I started with simple, non-invasive questions like, “Where were you born and what was the first ten years of your life like?” Eventually we shared on a deeper level, “What’s been the biggest challenge of your life? What are your dreams for the next 10 years?” As the conversations deepened, so did the relationships. 

Currently, when I’m with a group of people (my family, friends, colleagues), I often initiate topics to discuss, and ask everyone to share their thoughts. Once you create a safe environment where people are free to share their thoughts, and then suggest a meaningful topic, good conversation ensues. 

Where do the questions come from? I make most of them up on the spot, based on the group. But there are hundreds of good ice-breaker questions. I recently Googled conversation starters and found these.

1. What has been the best decade in your life?
2. If you could dedicate your life to solving one problem, what would it be?
3. What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
4. How many uses are there for a brick?
5. Who is the most famous person you have met?

Mary reminds me to not dominate conversations with my questions; sometimes people just want to chit-chat. But adding some direction and purpose to conversations helps deepen relationships and and leads to interesting conversations. 

The next time you’re with a group of people, try it.

Psychologist Arthur Aron has written 36 questions arranged in three sets. The questions become progressively more engaging and require a deeper level of sharing.

SET I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

SET II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

SET III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

I saw this poster in the psychiatric ward of a hospital. It was for the benefit of patients who are suffering from depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other psychological disorders. My heart goes out to those who suffer from these debilitating ailments. I have struggled with depression so I empathize with these types of challenges.

I like this poster because it implies an encouraging message: “You may feel trapped in a mire of mental dissonance. Our physicians will do all they can do to help you. But here are 10 things you can start doing immediately that will help. You can do these, so do them.”

My main point is: Don’t use circumstances that are ostensibly out of your control as an excuse for inactivity. Take responsibility for discovering and doing things you can do that will be beneficial, regardless of how small or insignificant they may seem. I’m advocating initiative, engagement, and action; not acquiescence, passivity, or capitulation.

In life, don’t focus on things you cannot control; concentrate on things you can do and do them.

The image of the poster is small so the words may be hard to read. Here’s what it says.

Manage your time — Flexible little routines lower stress by increasing daily predictability. Remember that your schedule doesn’t need to be rigid. Create short lists for today and not beyond the weekend. Say out loud what you are grateful for each day.

Prepare for the day — Take 10 minutes each evening to prepare for the next day. Write down meal plans and pack lunches ahead of time. Pick out clothing, set out shoes and put items you need in one place. Call or arrange meetings of your everyday activities.

Enjoy little things — Slow down and enjoy the moment you’re in. Focus on the details of your everyday activities.

Move often —  Regular exercise reduces stress and improves health. Small spurts of activity work well even if you can’t schedule a workout. A 10-minute walk can be just as effective as a 45-minute workout to relieve anxiety.

Laugh often — Laughter releases endorphins that improve mood and immune health; lowers levels of stress hormones, cortisol, and epinephrin; and improves management of physical pain.

Enjoy nature and creativity — Spending time outdoors is a natural antidepressant. Natural scents and sights have a calming effect. Take time to enjoy art, music, and dance.

Breathe deeply — Take 5 minutes to breathe slowly and deeply when you feel anxious. Slow breaths reduce stress hormones in the body and lower heart rate and blood pressure. 

Meditate daily — Meditation is about finding inner peace. Find simple ways to calm your mind, like taking a bath or listening to soft music.

Keep a joy journal — Journaling promotes reflection and organization of thoughts. Entries can be long or short. Journal positive situations, achievements, and the little things of life. Record what you are grateful for.

Sleep well.

I love to travel with friends.

Thirteen years ago I started hosting an annual international trip for friends. I truly wanted to use my travel-knowledge to help others experience the wonders of travel. If you’ve not traveled much, it can be intimidating, mysterious, and confusing. My trips make travel accessible, safe, reasonable, and fun.

It’s also beneficial to travel with others-as opposed to traveling solo-because experiences are magnified when we have them with others. When you have an “ah-ha” moment–like seeing the beaches of Normandy– have it with others and it will be more deeply etched into your mind. Also, deep friendships are formed when you’re traveling with a group. Some of my best friends are those I have traveled with often. I hope you’ll join Mary and me for a life-enhancing 15-days.

On our 2026 trip, we’ll explore Iberia. The culture of the Iberian Peninsula is diverse and rich, shaped by a history of interaction between many civilizations, including the indigenous Iberians, Celts, Romans, Visigoths, and Moors. We’ll visit five countries: Netherlands, France, Portugal, Spain, and Gibraltar (a British Overseas Territory).

Click below for a brochure about the trip.

Iberian-Peninsula-2026-Final Brochure

Two Travel with Friends Information Meeting

Join me for a Zoom meeting on Thursday, January 22 from 7:00-8:00pm. If you want to join this Zoom meeting, email me at djmcminn@msn.com and I’ll send you a link. You can download Zoom for free. You can also participate via a conference call using your mobile phone.

We’ll discuss the itinerary, accommodations, and ports of call. The Q&A will answer all your questions.

If you have any questions, email me at djmcminn@msn.com or call me at 214.783.4414

“A man can wear out a particular part of his mind by continually using it and tiring it, just in the same way as he can wear out the elbows of his coat…to be really happy and really safe, one ought to have at least two or three hobbies, and they must all be real.” Winston Churchill, Pall Mall, 1925

I just read Daniel Smith’s book How to Think Like Churchill. I recommend it. Smith has written 26 short chapters about Churchill’s life in a blend of biography and life lessons. We’re all familiar with Churchill’s incredible life and legacy, but before reading the book, I was unaware that he was a huge advocate of hobbies and had many himself. Smith devotes an entire chapter to discussing this topic. I read that Churchill:

• • • Was a keen fan of music, particularly military marches and classics from the music hall.
    • Enjoyed cinema, particularly the works of the Marx Brothers and Walt Disney.
    • Was a connoisseur of fine wine, food, and cigars.
    • Was a keen hunter, riding with hounds even in his seventies, as well as enjoying big game hunting.
    • As a boy he had an interest in stamp collecting and card games. 
    • Enjoyed landscaping and especially, somewhat unexpectedly, bricklaying, to the extent that he became a member of the Guild of Bricklayers.
    • The pastime he enjoyed most was painting. He took up painting in his forties and in his lifetime produced 500 works. He insisted that all his unwieldy artist’s paraphernalia—including stools, easels, canvases and paint boxes—be taken on his exotic travels. In 1948 he published a volume entitled Painting as a Pastime. He was quite good at it; Pablo Picasso said, “If Churchill were a painter by profession, he’d have no trouble making a living.”

A hobby should not be just an extension of your profession. If you’re a CPA working for an accounting firm, reading the latest journal articles about the tax code does not qualify as a hobby. A real hobby might be pursuing scuba diving or ballroom dancing. Escape from your bubble and become a novice in a different area.

A good hobby should initially put you in unfamiliar territory. You’ll start as a neophyte, feel uncomfortable, and fail often. But ultimately you’ll get better and the journey will be invigorating.

I have several major hobbies. I create pedagogical art (art that teaches a lesson) and I am a wine expert (I have three advanced certifications in wine studies and maintain a small vineyard). I enjoy these hobbies so much I often get into the “flow” when engaging in them; I lose track of time and enter a different mental state.

It’s beneficial for couples to share a hobby. My wife and I love to travel. We want to visit 80 countries before we die; we’ve been to 65. We enjoy visiting museums; we’ve been to most of the great art museums in the world. We enjoy cooking together; sometimes we’ll spend three hours preparing and savoring a meal.
Hobbies are extremely beneficial. They:

1. 1. 1. Help reduce or eradicate boredom. 
      2. Give you something to do when you have extra time. 
      3. Give you an activity you can look forward to and get excited about.
      4. Help you develop new skills.
      5. Enhance your life. 
      6. Relieve stress.
      7. Promote better health and may lower the risk of high blood pressure. 
      8. May reduce the risk of depression and dementia.
      9. Some hobbies are good for you physically; they keep you active.
      10. Improve creativity.
      11. Get you out of your mental and physical ruts.
      12. Can strengthen relationships.
      13. Provide a good transition to retirement.

It’s never too late to start a hobby. The old saying—When is the best time to plant a tree? The best time is twenty years ago; the next best time is today.—applies to starting hobbies.