A clear “no” can be more graceful than a vague or noncommittal “yes.”
Think carefully before making commitments. Don’t be impulsive. Your time, energy, and resources are being requisitioned, so respond slowly. When pressured to make a quick decision, make no your default answer. Only say yes after you’ve had the opportunity to fully analyze the situation and come to a wise decision.
If your answer is not a definite yes, then it should be no.
We all keep either a physical or mental to-do list (at least, I hope you do). That’s how work gets identified, organized, and prioritized. We also need to maintain a fictitious “not-to-do-list” which will help us avoid the trivial many. For every one item placed on your to-do list, there will be many opportunities which you should decline.
In Greg McKeown’s terrific book, Essentialism: The Essential Pursuit of Less, he wrote, “Nonessentialists say ‘yes’ automatically, without thinking, often in pursuit of the rush one gets from having pleased someone. But then comes the pang of regret. Eventually they will wake up to the unpleasant reality that something more important must now be sacrificed to accommodate this new commitment. Of course, the point is not to say no to all requests. The point is to say no to the nonessentials so we can say yes to the things that really matter.”
Lessons that should be learned EARLY in life, but rarely are.
Thanks, Gail.
Thoroughly agree. Remember if you are the person who is making the request don’t make the other person feel guilty. You may not know the commitments they are juggling. My key phrase is to say “I would rather have an honest ‘no’ than a reticent ‘yes’.
If someone is asking you for a commitment, you can always say that you will get back to them. Your decision may not just impact you but your colleagues or family members and it’s worth checking that you are making an arrangement that doesn’t clashes with other people in your life.
As always…thanks for sharing great thoughts. I like the idea of saying “I’ll be back in touch.”
Don
Don, we had a rule with our young daughters: If they required an immediate answer to their requests for activities with their peers, our answer would always be “No!”
However, if they could wait a reasonable time for us to discuss it first privately, they might get a more favorable response.
Before one Spring Break, our younger daughter asked to go with her HS friends to South Padre Island for a week. All her friends’ parents had “already given their permission.” Knowing what goes on with such new-found freedom and independence, we appropriately considered her request and concluded she could join them, with one caveat: we would also attend and serve as chaperones.
Hmm, what do you know? All the other parents had not given permission, and the hoped-for Spring Break beach trip never happened.
Now, as a licensed professional counselor to young girls in the school system, she admits we did the right thing back then.
Roger, that’s a great story. You and Gail were/are great parents. See you soon. Don
Very timely thoughts that I’m going to forward to a friend who very recently confessed that he has a “yes/ no” challenge! Thanks! Dick
Thanks, Dick.