An important part of all close, intimate relationships is the mutual sharing of terms of endearment.
Terms of endearment are spoken words, often accompanied by body language, that communicate love, affection, appreciation, commitment, and value. These expressions don’t take a long time to convey, yet they are very impactful. Without them, a relationship can become stale, disconnected, or insecure.
I often approach my 10-year old grandson and say “Benjamin, you’re such a wonderful boy and I love you so much. I think about you throughout the day.” And then I kiss him on the forehead.
I’ll say to my wife, “Mary, I love so much, and I’m glad we have each other. You’re a wonderful wife, mother, and grandmother.” Followed by a warm embrace.
I’m quite sure my father loved me, but he never told me. And he never said things like, “Don, I’m proud of you. I love you very much”. Also lacking were physical expressions – hugs, a pat on the back, a kiss on the forehead.
Examine your close relationships. Are moments of tender expression missing? Are you generous with sharing terms of endearment or are they few and far between? It’s never too late to change. It may feel awkward at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
If you’re in a leadership position, don’t neglect speaking words of affirmation and support to team members. Phrases like, “I really appreciate your hard work. You are so good at what you do. Your people skills are superb. I totally trust your judgment.” can be life-giving to people in your organization.
Almost all human relationships can benefit from terms of endearment. They are also an important part of our relationship with God. He says to us, “I will never leave you or forsake you. I love you with an everlasting love. My future plans for you are all good.” We should reciprocate by expressing to Him our adoration and praise. You can create your own phrases or recite phrases from poets and lyricists. Hymns such as My Jesus I Love Thee, Fairest Lord Jesus, and Jesus, the Very Thought of Thee are replete with meaningful phrases.
Let’s get good at this. I can’t think of any downside.
good article my friend. sad for ur missing these kinds of words/ expressions but ptl for His restoring His plans for edification to spouse , kids & grandkids thru ur journey.
you & Mary much on our mind as we just left Paris on to italy. remembering fondly our Chunnel trip w “ captured” wives uncertain where they were headed after London. & especially ur redirecting Paris traffic ! blessings
David, it’s so good to hear from you. The themes of Intimate Life Ministries continue to minister to me and through me. My time spent with you was life-changing.
I have fond memories of the trip to Paris, Welcombe Inn, Stratford-upon-Avon and places all across America.
I hope you are well and enjoying life and grandchildren.
Our daughter, Sarah, finally got back on track in life, then had a child through in vitro fertilization, so we have 18 month old Claire and mama Sarah living in our home. Mary and I feel like Abraham and Sarah – having a child in our old age. We’re loving it.
Take care, please give our love to Teresa.
Don
You are so right and thank you for sharing Don. Even if we do these things, we can always be encouraged to do them more. I am so sorry that you did not have this from your father. You have turned this around and used this for good in others lives. Remembering you as our fearless choir director being a father like figure to us all, though I’m sure we were not always easy to rein in. You were so kind to everyone, even the adult choir! Ha!
Julee, thanks for taking the time to respond. I have wonderful memories of our times together.
I missed hearing terms of endearment from my father but got plenty from my mother, so I am grateful for her influence in my life.
Take care,
Don
Not generally a downside, however I have just today spoken with a friend who is a senior citizen and is quite lonely and so anxious to have a companion in her senior years. She became enamored with a gentleman with whom she was hoping there might be a permanent relationship. After lots of conversations and visits her “friend” began using sweet terms of endearment such as “sweetheart”, “honey”, “baby”, you’re so important to me, etc. etc. Because of these affectionate terms she began to feel confident this was an indication of someone who was caring and serious about a long-term commitment. However, as it has turned out that was just his “style” of talking and actually did not reflect his true heart or his intentions. My friend is somewhat naive and very trusting, but her heart is broken; she put way too much “stock” in this gentleman’s sweet “terms of endearment”.
Sandra, I’m so sad to hear of your friend’s disappointment. We all crave kind and tender words but sometimes we can be taken advantage of our have our hopes too high.
Take care,
Don
Another wise recommendation!
Thank you. I will pass this on to my children and their families.
Thanks, Gail, for your continued support and kind words. Don
Thank you for reminding me of this!
Janis, thanks for taking the time to write. Endearing words are life-giving. Take care. Don
I love this and credit our 54-year marriage for each of us practicing these terms of endearment regularly. However, one extremely important other “terms” missing from this is words. For instance, “I am sorry”, ” Please forgive me or I forgive you”, “perhaps, I was wrong”. Being able to admit when you have been wrong and saying, simply I am sorry, and I will try not to make that mistake again…..can go a long way. Being sincerely sorry or admission of wrongdoing or saying it is sometimes just not in some individual’s vocabulary.
Linda, I like the emphasis you place on apologizing and admitting when we’re wrong. That is a key to good relationships.
Take care.
Don