Last Friday Mary and I hosted a dinner for 42 people who are going on our trip to Alaska. Wonderful things happened during the three hours we were together. New friendships were formed, old friendships were strengthened, and a spirit of camaraderie developed. We’ll host another dinner with the same people before the trip.
During these meals we experience what the Spanish call sobremesa.
Sobremesa is a Spanish word that describes the time spent around the table after lunch or dinner, talking to the people you shared the meal with; time to digest and savor both food and friendship.
There is something profoundly satisfying about sharing a meal with other people. Eating together is one of the oldest and most fundamental unifying human experiences. It can simultaneously fulfill physical, emotional, and relational needs.
It will help establish and deepen friendships
If I share my food with you it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it. (That’s a joke.) Seriously, I can’t think of a better way to solidify friendships than sharing a meal together. It slows down our pace, narrows our space, focuses our attention, and creates a relaxing ambience—all of which are beneficial for deepening friendships.
It’s good for business
Since humans first walked the earth, we’ve known that sharing a meal can be good for business. For instance, a recent study revealed that it doesn’t take much to get a doctor to prescribe a brandname medication—just a free meal. The study found that U.S. doctors who received a single free meal from a drug company were more likely to prescribe the drug than doctors who received no such meals. [Even Cheap Meals Influence Doctors’ Drug Prescriptions, Study Suggests, Peter Loftus, WSJ, June 20, 2016].
I’ve never understood why some organizations are stingy with the amount of funds allocated for business meals. I once worked with a group of six senior executives at a $75 million dollar a year business. They were frustrated that the CEO, in order to save money, eliminated their budget for business meals, which saved the company a whopping $24k a year. I suspect that poor decision cost the company a lot of revenue.
It engenders good will
Treat someone to a $15 lunch and they’ll be your friend forever. Well, that’s an exaggeration; but it’s true that even a small amount of money and time will generate a lot of relational capital.
A weekly family meal can become a wonderful family tradition
I enjoy watching the sitcom, Bluebloods (on CBS). It follows the lives of three generations of New York City police officers. In most episodes, there’s a scene showing their weekly, Sunday afternoon family meal in which they gather around the dinner table to talk, argue, laugh, and pass the potatoes.
Every family would benefit from this tradition. My family has started eating a meal together every Friday night at the Lakehouse, followed by games. Last week the game was, Get in groups of three people, grab one of the dogs, and teach it to dance. In a moment, choose a song you want to dance to and let it rip. We laughed so hard our sides ached.
I double-dog-dare you: initiate and host meals and enjoy the sobremesa.
Don—Thanks for your post! Since you mentioned sobremesa, here’s another somewhat related Spanish word, la de la vergüenza , that I learned over a decade ago.
AI-generated answer. Please verify critical facts.
Last Bite Embarrassment
The concept of the “last bite of food” or “the host’s piece” is often associated with cultural etiquette around shared meals. In Spain, the last piece of food on a shared plate is referred to as “la de la vergüenza,” which translates to “the one of shame”. This term describes the last piece of food that nobody wants to take because it is considered inconsiderate or greedy to do so without asking others first.
In some cultures, leaving the last piece of food is seen as a polite gesture, ensuring the host feels they have provided enough for everyone. This practice is not unique to Spain, as similar customs exist in other parts of the world, such as in some East Asian and Indian traditions.
The phrase “the host’s piece” is not directly mentioned in the context, but it could be interpreted as a reference to the last piece of food that is left for the host or as a symbol of hospitality.
Roger, this is so interesting. Last Sunday, in Chip’s message, he mentioned this cultural protocol in Hong Kong – leaving some food on your plate is an indication that you enjoyed the meal and have had enough. I look forward to sharing many meals together on our trip to Alaska. Thanks for our friendship.
A good word!
Thanks, Julee.
🙂 Wonderful advice.
Thanks, Anne.
Love this post. It is so true. We should met for dinner sometime. Miss you guys, haven’t seen you guys in forever.
It has been a long time. Thanks for your friendship. I hope you are well. Don
Brother Don, I appreciate and enjoy each of these posts that you write. Endless time and care. Thank you for them. This one, in particular, resonates with me.
I’ve been in full-time ministry since 1998 … and the single most meaningful and beneficial thing that I have done – and continue to do – is taking my staff and volunteers out for a meal. It opens up communication and builds strong bonds.
Some churches have been stingy in my budget for meals; some have been quite generous. The smart churches are the latter. When I was not provided with the budget, I simply ended up using my own personal funds … because I found it to be that important.
A GREAT READ that I can’t recommend enough is “A Meal with Jesus” by Mark Chester. https://www.amazon.com/Meal-Jesus-Discovering-Community-Mission/dp/1433521369
Blessings to all who read this! And so thankful for Bro. Don!
In HIS Service,
Christopher Vlk
Christopher, thanks for the kind and informative email. I just ordered Chester’s book.
I’m glad you have prioritized taking people out to eat; I wish I had discovered it sooner. I also enjoy picking up the tab.
What church are you currently serving? Don
There’s never a bad time to gather with family….food sweetens the experience! Our family loves to play games together. We’re heading to Bend, OR with the whole crew to celebrate our 50th anniversary! Love your post!
Enjoy the cruise 🚢!
Jan, congratulations on celebrating your 50th anniversary. What a great milestone. I’m glad your family enjoys meals and games together. Don
R. C. Sproul recognized the intimate setting of a meal and gracefully related it to the deeper fellowship with Christ at communion. Even though we may not practice transsubstantiation or consubstantiation, communion should develope a deeper communion with Christ than merely a representation.
Dan, what a great thought…linking communion with sharing a meal. Thanks. Don