Author: Don McMinn

At the end of the day, we typically begin casual conversations by asking “What did you do today?” Another good question is, “What did you learn today?” 

Everyone has a quick answer to the first question, even if it’s just “not much.” But most of us would stumble over the second question because we seldom consider learning to be a daily function. We’d be confused by the question and hard-pressed to answer. 

But if asked regularly, the question can serve as a reminder  that throughout life and in all settings,  we can, and should, continually learn.

We have much to learn.

“We all differ in what we know, but in infinite ignorance, we are all equal.” Karl Popper

Few things will stifle learning more than intellectual arrogance accompanied by a false sense of knowing-it-all. Sadly, some people live as if they have maxed out their learning—there’s little more to learn, do, or become. Instead, we should view ourselves as unfinished—a work in progress. We all live in what Popper calls the realm of “infinite ignorance.” A healthy, proper approach to learning is predicated upon a deep humility based on the fact that we know and understand so little.

Imagine a grain of rice inside a five-gallon bucket. The grain of rice represents what you currently know; the space in the bucket represents what you could learn.

Develop an enquiring mind; be curious.

But admitting that we have a lot to learn is not enough, we must have a curious, inquiring mind. 

Albert Einstein once said, “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.” I think he was being excessively modest in the first phrase, but notice his emphasis on curiosity in the second. An engaged, curious mind is supple, eager, and insatiable.

Learn from other people.

Secondhand knowledge allows us to benefit from what others have learned. What may have taken someone years to learn (and often through formidable adversity), we can learn quickly and painlessly. One way to do this is to read other people’s thoughts—read 30 minutes a day and think about what you read. Another way to learn from others is through observation and intentional conversation. Lean by listening to and observing others. We can learn from anyone, regardless of their background, education, age, or occupation. 

Learn from your own experiences.

Firsthand knowledge comes from personal experiences. Every day, life offers us the opportunity for continuing education. But we’ll only learn if we’re attentive and wanting to learn. The next time you go shopping or eat at a restaurant, or mow your lawn, anticipate that you’re going to learn something and you will. 

Years ago I developed a simple equation to express how we can learn from experiences: the 10/60/30 concept. This notion suggests that in all of life’s experiences you should devote a certain percentage of your time to three elements: anticipate (perhaps 10%), experience (perhaps 60%), and reflect (perhaps 30%). The percentages can be adjusted for different activities.

For instance:

• • When reading a book—spend a few minutes anticipating what you hope to learn from the book, read the book, and then reflect on what you have learned. This ration might be 5/60/35.
  • Prior to a business appointment—think about what you hope to accomplish in the meeting, have the meeting, and then reflect on what transpired and the next steps of action. These percentages might be 15/65/20.
  • Prior to a vacation—research where you’re going, bon voyage, and at the end of each day codify your thoughts in a journal.  These percentages might be 10/70/20.

Tonight, during dinner, ask everyone to share what they learned today. It will prompt interesting conversation.

Let me ask you, “What did you learn today?” Try to have an answer to that question every day.

There are four major chemicals in your brain that influence how happy you are. Our bodies produce these chemicals naturally, but sometimes the body doesn’t produce enough. This deficiency can make us sad, anxious, negative, hopeless, and depressed.

Fortunately, there are things we can do to increase these chemicals. 

Use the acrostic DOSE to remember these four hormones. 

Dopamine motivates us to take action toward goals, desires, and needs, and gives a surge of reinforcing pleasure when achieving them. Procrastination, self-doubt, and lack of enthusiasm are linked with low levels of dopamine. 

Oxytocin both motivates us to establish intimate relationships and helps us sustain them. It is the “cuddle hormone” responsible for humans being social creatures.

Serotonin flows when you feel significant or important. Loneliness and depression appear when serotonin is absent. It helps regulate mood and social behavior, appetite and digestion, sleep, memory, and sexual desire and function. 

Endorphins are released in response to pain and stress and help to alleviate anxiety and depression. The surging “second wind” and euphoric “runner’s high” during and after a vigorous run are a result of endorphins.

If your body is not producing enough of these four chemicals, don’t be passive about it. Take the initiative in three areas.

1. 1. Prescription drugs can help. For instance, most antidepressants are designed to increase oxytocin and serotonin levels.
   2. Natural products can help. For instance, L-tyrosine, Rhodiola, Mucuna, and L-theanine (available as over-the-counter supplements) can boost dopamine levels. 
   3. Engaging in some simple, daily functions can increase levels of the four chemicals. 

I’ll focus on the third area. I’ll identify the key need that is associated with each chemical, give some practical steps we can take to increase them, and make suggestions on how we can help others.

Dopamine

• • • Need – that our lives have meaning; we are not sleep-walking through life; we are making progress toward meaningful goals.
    • Solutions – Set goals and diligently pursue them. When you achieve a goal, celebrate-literally—pop open a bottle of champagne or treat yourself to a personal splurge. Break down big goals into smaller ones and celebrate when you achieve each step. Dopamine is also produced as we anticipate meaningful activities, so always have something you’re looking forward to.
    • We can help others by encouraging them to set goals and celebrating their achievements. 

Oxytocin

• • • Need – emotional and physical intimacy and trust in relationships.
    • Solution – Develop close, intimate relationships. In a survey that has been taken annually for many years, Americans are asked, “How many close friends do you have?” As recently as ten years ago the average answer was, five. In a recent survey the average answer was, none. No wonder depression and anxiety are rampant in our society.
    • Here’s a short-term solution: oxytocin is nicknamed the “cuddle hormone”; a simple way to keep oxytocin flowing is to give someone a hug. Psychologists suggest that eight hugs a day will make a big difference. 
    • We can help others by committing to be a close friend.

Serotonin 

• • • Need – This need is summed up in Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl taught that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful.
    • Solution – discover what “makes your boat float.” What energizes your core? Also, good diet and exposure to sunlight will help. As much as 95 percent of the serotonin in your body is produced in your gut so proper diet is important.
    • Help others by coaching them toward meaningful activity.

Endorphins

• • • Stress and pain are the two most common factors leading to the release of endorphins. Endorphins interact with the opiate receptors in the brain to reduce our perception of pain and act similarly to drugs such as morphine and codeine.
    • Solution – Don’t avoid stress and pain; in moderation, they are good for you so don’t pursue a stress-free, pain-free life. Exercise is the main way to produce endorphins.
    • Help others maintain a proper balance of stress in their lives: not too much or too little. I recently led a group of friends on a vigorous tour through Europe. Our pace was unrelenting; we walked at least three miles a day, so at the end of each day we were exhausted but somewhat euphoric. Laughter also helps release endorphins.

This post is a brief attempt by a non-scientist to help us understand how certain brain chemicals affect how happy we are. The bottom line for me is: 

1. 1. If you’re consistently unhappy:

• • • Exercise, eat a balanced diet, spend time outside. 
    • Develop deep friendships.
    • Engage in meaningful work.
    • Set goals and measure your progress.
    • Take natural supplements

1. 2. If you’re still unhappy, talk to your physician about taking medication.

I get impatient with people who complain of being unhappy but they don’t take the initiative to do what they can do to improve. Get out of the passenger seat and into the drivers’s seat; there are steps you can take to feel happier.

 

The human face has around 30 muscles on each side, depending on how they are counted. It takes 47 muscles to frown and only 13 to smile. The main muscle used in smiling is the zygomaticus major, also known as the smiling muscle.

The simplest, quickest, and easiest way to enhance your well-being in life is to exercise that muscle often. Train yourself to wear a perpetual smile. 

Dale Carnegie’s terrific book, How to Win Friends and Influence People is a must-read. Though written almost 100 years ago (1926), it is so rooted in basic human psychology, it still speaks to our modern age.

He taught seminars based on his book to large audiences in New York City.

Carnegie devoted an entire chapter— A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression— to the topic of smiling. When he taught this chapter at his seminars, he gave his students a simple assignment: Smile at someone every hour of the day for the next week and then come back to class and talk about the results. The positive results of this simple exercise were profound. His students learned that a smile is one of the most potent people skills and that it can dramatically improve human relationships.

Carnegie concluded his chapter on the power of a smile with these words:

The Value of a Smile

• • • It costs nothing, but creates much.
    • It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.
    • It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
    • None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.
    • It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends.
    • It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.
    • Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.

It’s helpful to consider the difference between our resting face and our engaged face.

Resting face – the way your face looks when you are at ease, with facial muscles relaxed. 

Engaged face – the way your face looks when you are consciously manipulating your face to appear more engaged, approachable, and friendly. I’ve also heard this called a “yes face.”

To display an engaged face, raise the eyebrows, open up the eyes, smile, and raise the forehead. To exhibit a resting face, do nothing. 

Let’s accept the same assignment Dale Carnegie challenged his students with: Put on you engaged face and smile at someone every hour of the day for the next week and then come back to class and talk about the results. Or, in our case, respond to this blog post.

Most of us are overly concerned about what people notice about us and what they think of us. For instance, we may spend an inordinate amount of time choosing what we wear, convinced that most people will notice. We’re worried that we didn’t talk enough or talked too much at a business luncheon.

To some degree, this is to be expected. Because each of us is the center of our own universe, we focus on ourselves and think other people do too. Because we are so focused on our own behavior, it’s hard for us to assess how much or how little our behavior is noticed by others. Tom Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell University, has studied this issue for years, and his research helps us think clearly about this.

In a 2000 study, Gilovich conducted an experiment in which he asked students to enter a classroom, filled with their peers, while wearing a Barry Manilow T-shirt. At the time, this was not a cool thing to do; the students were embarrassed to be seen wearing that T-shirt. After the encounter, the students participating in the experiment estimated that 50% of their peers noticed the Manilow shirt and probably talked about it to others. But when questioned, less than 20% of their peers had noticed.

Gilovich demonstrated the same exaggerated misperceptions in other studies, such as group discussions about social issues. In one study, Gilovich reported that students also overestimated how well their own gaffes and clever arguments were noticed by others in discussion groups. 

The bottom line is: We’re not as interesting as we think and other people don’t notice us nearly as much as we think they do.

This fact will either disappoint you or give you peace.

If you delight in being the center of attention, if you have narcissistic tendencies, if your sense of value and self-worth come from the attention and admiration of others…you’ll be disappointed to learn that most people don’t even notice you or care what you are doing.

But this insight should actually give us peace. We don’t need to live our lives feeling like we’re constantly walking down a model’s catwalk. We can cease worrying about what people think of us because they seldom do.

Years ago I had a mustache for about 10 years. The day I shaved it off I anticipated a lot of comments. My wife and children didn’t even notice. I should have learned this lesson that day.