Author: Don McMinn

Hope is a vital resource for living in a challenging world. Without hope we can become discouraged and  end up in a quagmire of despair, depression, and passivity. So pursue, embrace, and benefit from hope. 

But understand the limits of hope. Hope is necessary but at times insufficient. The need for hope implies that something is off kilter, uncertain, and potentially harmful and that our future may be compromised. In which case a plan of action is needed. 

I should also mention that while hope needs a plan, a plan is also necessary but insufficient. It’s simply a strategy describing a better future. But you can have both hope and a plan without anything improving because a third element is needed: action. Peter Drucker once said, “Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work.” [Here’s a post I wrote titled Have a Bias Toward Action.]

Two years into marriage, Mary and I had just bought our first house and had our first child when I lost my job. On day one of unemployment I was sitting on the back porch thinking of our uncertain future, praying and searching for hope. Before the day ended I devised a business plan for starting a power-washing business. Within a week I had purchased a truck, installed a power-washer in the bed, and was making sales calls. That small business kept us financially afloat for about a year until I could secure a permanent job in my field. Hope + a plan + action led us to a good place.

Without action, hope and plans are just wishful thinking.

I recently read a clever and insightful statement that is impacting my life. 

“You can worry if you want to. It will give you something to do. But there’s no benefit to it.”

I’ll add two variations:

• • • “You can be angry if you want to. It will give you something to do. But there’s no benefit to it.”
    • “You can judge others if you want to. It will give you something to do. But there’s no benefit to it.”

Not only is there no benefit in worrying, getting angry, and judging others, if left unchecked they can become toxic, metastasize, and corrupt our mind and emotions. 

The Bible clearly teaches: 

• • • Don’t worry about anything (Philippians 4:6).
    • Get rid of all anger (Ephesians 4:31).
    • Do not judge others (Matthew 7:1).

How do we guard against these poisonous thoughts? Try to recognize when they first appear in your mind, then immediately drop them and redirect your thoughts to a healthy subject. I recently wrote a post titled “Sometimes we just need to drop it.”

As soon as you sense worry, anger, or judgment creeping into your soul, drop it. Find something else to do that will be beneficial. Declutter your mind and you’ll live a happier and more productive life.

An important part of all close, intimate relationships is the mutual sharing of terms of endearment.

Terms of endearment are spoken words, often accompanied by body language, that communicate love, affection, appreciation, commitment, and value. These expressions don’t take a long time to convey, yet they are very impactful. Without them, a relationship can become stale, disconnected, or insecure.

I often approach my 10-year old grandson and say “Benjamin, you’re such a wonderful boy and I love you so much. I think about you throughout the day.” And then I kiss him on the forehead.

I’ll say to my wife, “Mary, I love so much, and I’m glad we have each other. You’re a wonderful wife, mother, and grandmother.” Followed by a warm embrace.

I’m quite sure my father loved me, but he never told me. And he never said things like, “Don, I’m proud of you. I love you very much”.  Also lacking were physical expressions – hugs, a pat on the back, a kiss on the forehead.

Examine your close relationships. Are moments of tender expression missing? Are you generous with sharing terms of endearment or are they few and far between? It’s never too late to change. It may feel awkward at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

If you’re in a leadership position, don’t neglect speaking words of affirmation and support to team members. Phrases like, “I really appreciate your hard work. You are so good at what you do. Your people skills are superb. I totally trust your judgment.” can be life-giving to people in your organization.

 Almost all human relationships can benefit from terms of endearment. They are also an important part of our relationship with God. He says to us, “I will never leave you or forsake you. I love you with an everlasting love. My future plans for you are all good.” We should reciprocate by expressing to Him our adoration and praise. You can create your own phrases or recite phrases from poets and lyricists. Hymns such as My Jesus I Love Thee, Fairest Lord Jesus, and Jesus, the Very Thought of Thee are replete with meaningful phrases. 

Let’s get good at this. I can’t think of any downside.

 

For the last 14 months of its life, the check engine light in my old Subaru Forester (230,000 miles) was constantly on. I would fix one issue that triggered the alarm and then another would flare up. I became so weary of the issue that I didn’t even want to have it checked out. I just ignored the light and would have disconnected it had I known how to. 

Years ago (before Mary and I vowed to live debt-free) when our credit card bill would get out of hand, I avoided checking the balance because I knew it was high and out of control.

In both cases, I was exhibiting the ostrich effect (OE).

According to a persistent myth, ostriches bury their heads in the sand when they’re scared or feel threatened. They think they are safe if they can’t see the danger. (They don’t really do that.) 

The ostrich effect is a cognitive bias that causes people to avoid information that they perceive as potentially unpleasant. From a psychological standpoint, OE is the result of the conflict between what our rational mind knows to be important and what our emotional mind anticipates will be painful. Instead of helping, it drains us of time, energy, and resources and offers nothing of value in return. 

Here are some examples of the ostrich effect

• • • You avoid getting a professional medical diagnosis because you’re afraid of hearing bad news (although, ironically, health information is crucial for health maintenance).
    • You regularly check your retirement fund when the market is going up but not when it’s going down (although, to manage your money wisely, you need consistent data).
    • Parents may hesitate to have a child who is having trouble in school tested.
    • A business executive may postpone delving into what may be problems in the organization.

As is often the case with cognitive biases, the first step towards clarity is self-awareness. We must realize and admit that we’re falling prey to unhealthy thinking. I think the ostrich effect is one of the easiest biases to recognize: Just identify areas in your life in which you’re procrastinating or reluctant to get information because you think it might be bad news. 

The antidote to the ostrich effect is also simple and straightforward: Immediately pursue areas that you’re avoiding and pursue them aggressively. Put them at the top of your to-do-list; pledge that you’ll not eat again until you address the issues.  

The ostrich effect offers no value—there’s no upside—but overcoming it is very beneficial. As the Bible says, “The truth will set you free,” even if the truth is unpalatable.