Author: Don McMinn

One of my favorite leadership mantras is: All of us are smarter than one of us. There’s wisdom in a multitude of counselors. Any idea, plan, or decision will be improved upon when we get multiple opinions. It’s good advice for leaders and it also applies to our personal lives. 

As a leader I always try to follow this advice, but in my personal life I have failed miserably. I’ve made major career moves without seeking advice. On my own, I decided which colleges to attend and what to study. When Mary and I were considering marriage we didn’t ask for input. Recently, when I purchased a car, I didn’t seek counsel.

I’m not proud of my Lone Ranger approach to life and I’m trying to figure out why that has been my default setting. I suspect at least two reasons: in the early stages of my life I was emotionally alone, and, I am self-reliant and over-confident. 

How about you—do you struggle with this issue?

The Quakers have  a wonderful solution to this problem: the Clearness Committee. It is a well-structured approach to allowing others to have input into major decisions. This article by Parker Palmer—The Clearness Committee – A Communal Approach to Discernment—is worth the five minutes it takes to read.

Proverbs 11:14 teaches: “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.” (NLT) Personalize this verse by substituting “a person” for “nation.” When making decisions, ask for help and advice. There’s no downside to doing so. 

One day, the famous Bible scholar Matthew Henry (1662-1714) was attacked by a thief who stole his wallet. That evening he wrote these words in his diary.

“Lord you have taught us to be thankful in all things. Today I was robbed. I am grateful for that experience for four reasons. First, I am thankful because it was the first time I have been robbed. Second, though he took my wallet, he did not take my life. Third, though he took all my money, it wasn’t very much money. Fourth, I thank you because it was I who was robbed and not I who robbed.”

How did Mr. Henry adopt and practice this life-enhancing attitude? I suspect that for most of his life, Mr. Henry took seriously and lived 1 Thessalonians 5:18: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Thankfulness is an antidote for unhealthy and troubling thoughts and emotions. When you’re struggling with feelings like frustration, envy, hurt, or aloneness, take a moment to recount your blessings, and gratitude will help take the sting out of the painful emotions. Consistently and continually, live a life of gratitude and eventually your thinking and feeling will be recalibrated. Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out. 

Thankfulness is an attitude but it takes on special meaning when it is expressed. Keep a gratitude journal in which you write about things for which you are grateful. Send a gratitude letter or email to someone and express thankfulness for their influence on your life or a kind deed they did. Make a gratitude visit for the sole purpose of expressing thankfulness to someone. 

Be thankful.

I often struggle with pre-judging people and then not taking the time to correct my thinking by getting to know them. Last Sunday I had the presence of mind to correct this bad habit, at least for one time. 

While at church, I saw a man sitting in the foyer who looked different from me and I pre-judged him—an unkind and unfounded impression formed in my mind. I quickly recognized my presumptuous thinking and wanted to correct it so I stopped, introduced myself, and engaged with him for about five minutes. I left the conversation thinking, “he and I could become good friends.” I had totally misjudged him.

As humans, our instinct is to quickly form an opinion of others based on the information at hand. Science says we can’t do much about those initial reactions, but we can discipline ourselves to challenge the impulsive assumptions. Abraham Lincoln knew these initial instincts were just hypotheses (I don’t like that person), and that they must be investigated and tested (I must get to know him better). Psychologist Paul Bloom says these snap hypotheses are often justified and even correct, but as rational beings we should constrain our impulses and investigate further.

Several old adages express the same thought: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” “Don’t judge someone’s outside by your inside.” The Bible plainly teaches “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).

There is an organization in Denmark called The Human Library where you can go to a library and instead of borrowing a book, you borrow a person. That person sits with you and tells you about their life. It’s an opportunity to understand another person’s perspective and life experience. What a great idea: a judgment buster.

Think of someone you might have misjudged and take the initiative and time to get to know him better.