Don McMinn

Self-centeredness is a powerful force. If left unchecked, it will sully every aspect of our lives. For instance, even when we want to give something to someone else, our preoccupation with self can pollute our act—we’ll give what we value and would enjoy receiving instead of what he or she would like.

• For my honeymoon I planned a trip to Acapulco; I had been there before and loved it, so I assumed Mary would, also. She didn’t.
• I recently gave a friend a copy of a novel that I enjoyed reading. My friend doesn’t like fiction.
• I took a friend out to dinner for his birthday to my favorite Mexican food restaurant. His favorite food is Italian.
• I spoke words of instruction to my hurting friend. What he really needed was comfort.

So the next time you want to give, find out what the intended receiver wants. If you’re not sure what he prefers, ask him. He will tell you.

To get the full impact of this essay, please respond to two topics.

• Think of a time when someone gave you a gift that he or she valued but you did not.
• Think of a time when you gave someone a gift that you valued but the recipient probably did not.

The antidote for self-centeredness is to focus on others. Think about others and put them first – especially when giving gifts.

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I once had an employee who had the audacity to declare, “I know I have a short fuse and a bad temper, but that’s just who I am. People who work with me just need to deal with it.” I informed him that his inordinate temper would not be tolerated because it is an area that he has control over and needs to change.

I have a friend who is always late. She’ll probably be late to her own funeral. When I questioned her about her tardiness, she replied, “Yeah, I’ve always struggled with being on time. My mother was that way; I must have gotten it from her.” Her attitude is unacceptable. It’s rude to be tardy and everyone can learn to be punctual.

Don’t ever make excuses for character flaws and bad behavior because they are not part of your inalterable essence—you can, and should, change.

The serenity prayer says it quite eloquently:

Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

• You can’t change your height but you can change your weight.
• You can’t change your basic personality (and you don’t need to) but you can choose to be punctual, positive, kind, discreet, fair, etc.
• You can’t change who your parents are but you can choose your friends.
• You can’t change the weather but you do have sovereign control over your attitude.

Take responsibility for your attitude and behavior. Don’t minimize, ignore, or make excuses for personal deficiencies. If you talk too much, talk less. If you talk too loudly, speak more softly. If you are pessimistic, choose to be optimistic.

Marshall Goldsmith, an executive coach, said, “Over time, it is easy for each of us to cross the line and begin to make a virtue of our flaws—simply because the flaws constitute what we think of as ‘me.’ This misguided loyalty to our true natures—this excessive need to be me—is one of the toughest obstacles to making positive long-term change in our behavior.”

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If something must be done sooner or later, sooner is better.
Procrastination is a vice; promptness is a virtue.

I prefer people who have a bias toward action. Give them a job and it will be done. They stay busy. At work, if they finish their assigned work and have time left over, they look for something else to do.

I also admire people who get work done sooner rather than later. It’s not just that they work fast (this, too, is a virtue); they start early and finish ahead of schedule.

There are advantages of doing work sooner rather than later:

• Unpleasant tasks will not inordinately affect us. We often postpone the unavoidable when we perceive it to be unpleasant. But when we aggressively pursue all tasks, the unpleasant ones won’t haunt us.
• Quality will improve. Quality often suffers when we do something at the last minute. Quality improves when we give ourselves sufficient time to complete a task.
• We can recover from mistakes and setbacks more quickly. The noted philosopher Mike Tyson once mused, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” It’s true: projects seldom follow an ideal, predictable path. By starting early, necessary changes are more easily negotiated.
• Some tasks will take longer to complete than we think. Starting early will provide needed margin to finish on time.
• Completing responsibilities early will provide us with peace of mind; we can cease pining and relax.

Consider these scenarios:

• You know your IRS tax return is due on or before April 15; why not complete it in February?
• Why not write that thank-you note soon after you receive the gift, instead of waiting several weeks?
• This week, you need to have a tough conversation with one of your team members. Do it on Monday instead of later in the week.
• Plan your vacation a year in advance.

In my organization, we plan at least 12 months in advance. We visualize what life could look like 365 days from now and make a commitment toward it. We’re also flexible, realizing that plans may change, but it sure helps to prepare ahead of time.

Sometimes, there may be an advantage in delaying action. The extra time may allow you to get more and better information. Circumstances may change which will affect your task. But as a rule, be aggressive in getting work done.

Do things sooner rather than later.

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Men imagine that their minds have the command of language, but it often happens that language bears rule over their minds. Francis Bacon

• According to the Global Language Monitor, as of January 2014, there are about 1,025,109 words in the English language.
• According to the Collins Corpus, an analytical database of English, around 90% of English speech and writing is made up of approximately 3,500 words. [Shakespeare used 30,000 words in his plays, which is more than the Wall Street Journal used in a 10-year period.]
• Most people’s routine vocabulary is only a few hundred words.

So we have over a million words to choose from, but the average person only uses a few hundred. We need to correct that deficit. Here’s why.

A good vocabulary helps you communicate.

A person who has a limited vocabulary will have difficulty influencing others with his or her ideas. It’s difficult to sell people on your worldview if you can’t compellingly articulate it.

A good vocabulary helps you think better.

Our vocabulary not only helps us express our thoughts, it creates our thoughts.

When you think, you only have at your disposal, the words you know. If you’re unfamiliar with a particular term, you’re probably unaware of the concepts and meaning it represents.

For instance, do you know the definition of these two words—correlation, causation—and how they relate to each other? If you don’t, you probably don’t understand the concepts they represent. [I talk about these two words in the post – Don’t be superstitious]

Language both expresses our thoughts and creates our thoughts.

Have a plan for expanding your vocabulary

At a minimum, whenever you read a word and you’re unsure of its meaning, look it up. Recently, I read these three words, didn’t understand their meaning, and immediately looked them up: misanthrope, tonic, and simpatico.

• Try to visualize or personify the word: I have a neighbor who is a misanthrope.
• Try to use the word in conversation: I said to a friend, “Our relationship is a real tonic to me.”
• Identify synonyms for the word: simpatico—compatible

These Web sites will send you a word a day along with a definition and proper usage.

• wordsmith.org – opt for the daily newsletter and you’ll get a word a day delivered to your inbox
• wordnik.com – provides example sentences and audio pronunciation
• wordthink.com – avoids difficult words and focuses on words you might use in daily conversations
• merriam-webster.com – offers more challenging words

Be a lover of words.

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