Don McMinn

Most of us are overly concerned about what people notice about us and what they think of us. For instance, we may spend an inordinate amount of time choosing what we’ll wear, convinced that most people will notice. We’re worried that we didn’t talk enough or talked too much at a business luncheon.

To some degree, this is to be expected. Because each of us is the center of our own universe, we focus on ourselves and think other people do too. Because we are so focused on our own behavior, it’s hard for us to assess how much or how little our behavior is noticed by others. Tom Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell University, has studied this issue for years, and his research helps us think clearly about this.

In a 2000 study, Gilovich conducted an experiment in which he asked students to enter a classroom, filled with their peers, while wearing a Barry Manilow T-shirt. At the time, this was not a cool thing to do; the students were embarrassed to be seen wearing the T-shirt. After the encounter, the students estimated that 50% of their peers noticed the Manilow shirt and probably talked about it to others. But when questioned, less than 20% of their peers had noticed.

Gilovich demonstrated the same exaggerated misperceptions in other studies, such as group discussions about social issues. In one study, Gilovich reported that students also badly overestimated how well their own gaffes and clever arguments were noticed by others in discussion groups. 

The bottom line is: We’re not as interesting as we think and other people don’t notice us nearly as much as we think they do.

This fact will either disappoint you or give you peace.

If you delight in being the center of attention, if you have narcissistic tendencies, if your sense of value and self-worth come from the attention and admiration of others…you’ll be disappointed to learn that most people don’t even notice you or care what you are doing.

But this insight should actually give us peace. We don’t need to live our lives feeling like we’re constantly walking down a model’s catwalk. We can cease worrying about what people think of us because they seldom do.

Years ago I had a mustache for about 10 years. The day I shaved it off I anticipated a lot of comments. My wife and children didn’t even notice. I should have learned this lesson that day. 

I have a friend who appreciates fine cars and has the money to buy whichever car he wants. I’m happy for him. Recently, he was choosing between a Lamborghini and a Ferrari. He chose the Ferrari because it had a larger cup holder. Details are important.

Sometimes I listen to the CarPro guy on the radio. Every week he drives a different new car and then gives a review. Recently he drove an all-electric Honda SUV. In his review he basically said, “The vehicle is amazing. What irritated me was, it didn’t come with a 110-volt charging cord, just a 220-volt cord. I don’t have a 220 outlet in my garage so I had to find the nearest Honda dealership and buy one. Why didn’t they include a 110 cord?” He kept talking about the one irritating aspect of his experience with the Honda. Details are important. 

Everything that is made is a compilation of small details and they’re all important. Remember the Space Shuttle O-ring disaster? Details.

Some small details have an oversized influence on the final product. I’ve been on a quest to make the best carbonara  in the world. One important detail is to serve the dish in heated bowls, otherwise the egg and cheese begin to congeal. Details.

I’m not sure how someone develops an eye for details. Is it an innate gift or can it be developed through training? (I lean toward the latter.) 

Attention to details takes time but it’s time well spent. It produces a better product or service and helps eliminate costly mistakes. 

Charles Eames, famous American designer and architect, once said, “The details are not the details. They make the design.”

Mary and I arrived in Israel last night. For the next 11 days we’ll serve on the leadership team for Chuck Swindoll’s Insight for Living trip. What a joy and privilege. We love to travel.

In September, I’m hosting a 16-day odyssey to the British Isles. Aboard the 5-star Regal Princess ship, we’ll circumnavigate the United Kingdom, visiting England, Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland, Scotland and also Paris. It’s limited to 40 guests; only four cabins remain.

Here’s the brochure. If interested please email me soon ([email protected]).

I’ll close with four reasons I’m a huge advocate of cruising.

Cruising is a win-win scenario

I like situations in which everyone wins. The opposite is a zero-sum situation in which someone must lose for someone else to win (ex. football, chess). Cruising is a win-win scenario between the company and the customer. When I’m on a cruise ship I often think, “How in the world are they providing this level of luxury service for the price I paid? Free meals and drinks, nightly entertainment, luxury environment, transportation to incredible places.” But the cruise company is making money or they wouldn’t be in business, and I’m a more than satisfied customer. We’re both delighted.

Cruising is the best value in traveling

Recently, I was on a 14-day cruise that ended in Rome. We stayed an extra two days in Rome. As soon we stepped off the boat we were no longer in the all-inclusive bubble that cruises offer. Our taxi from the port to the center of Rome was $140, lunch was $60, dinner was $100, our hotel costs $300 per night. The two days on land costs 1/3 of what our entire 14 day cruise cost.

Cruising is convenient

The ship transfers you from one port of call to the next—during the night—which saves time and money We went to sleep in Palma Mallorca, Spain and woke up in Toulon, France. The next morning we were in Florence, Italy. It would have taken days to travel from one country to another via ground transportation, but when cruising, the ship travels while you sleep. On the fall trip to the British Isles we’ll visit London, Portland, St. Peter Port, Cork, Belfast, Glasgow, Invergordon, Newcastle-upon-Tyne and Paris without ever having to fly or drive from one destination to another.

Another convenience is not having to move between different hotels, constantly packing and repacking. On the fall trip you’ll unpack your suitcase the first day on the ship and not bother with it again for twelve days. 

Cruising is a microcosm of how life should work

Cruise ships are the best run organizations on the planet. 

1. 1. 1. Everything is on time—if the ship is scheduled to dock at 7:10 a.m., at 7:10 a.m. you’ll feel a gentle bump when the ship contacts the pier. If dinner starts at 6:30, the doors open at 6:28 and you’re seated by 6:30.
      2. All employees are efficient and effective, work with a good attitude, and enjoy what they do. 
      3. Every aspect of the ship is well organized: meals, shops, shore excursions, communication…it runs like a Swiss watch.
      4. The ship is immaculate. Each cabin is cleaned two times a day and common areas are constantly cleaned. 
      5. Safety is prioritized. Processes are in place that keep you safe and secure. 

I hope you’ll join me in September. (BTW, currently, there are no Covid restrictions for travel.)

Don

 

 

 

At the end of the 2022 Travel with Friends trip, we were scheduled to fly Iberia Airlines from Rome to Madrid, change planes and fly from Madrid to Dallas. Iberia’s plane leaving Rome was an hour and a half late so we missed our connection which was the only daily flight that would get us to Dallas. 

We were disappointed, frustrated, and tired. I thought of creating a don’tflyiberia.com website. But, Iberia’s staff was apologetic, empathetic, and worked hard to get all 25 of us good seats on the next day’s flight. 

They were obliged to provide housing for the layover. I was expecting a simple Motel 6-type hotel, but they put us in a lovely four-star hotel, gave us vouchers for a nice dinner and breakfast, and paid for our transfers from the airport to the hotel. Our thinking went from “ugh, we missed our flight” to “wow, we get to spend the night in Madrid.”

Because of Iberia’s good response to the bad situation, that they had created, I thought more highly of them after the incident than I had before. I thought of starting an iloveiberia.com  website.

This principle also works in human relationships. When you offend someone, sincerely apologize, make restitution, and try not to do it again, and the relationship may become stronger than it was before.

Life is complicated, and humans and organizations make mistakes. That’s inevitable and even acceptable. How we handle our mistakes makes all the difference.

When was the last time you made a mistake that adversely affected other people? How did you handle the situation? Did your response improve the relationship?