Don McMinn

This afternoon (April 17) Mary and I left on a transatlantic cruise onboard Celebrity Reflections.

It’s the same ship that we’ll be on this September when we host a Travel with Friends trip to Italy, Greek Isles, and Istanbul.

I’ll take plenty of pictures of the ship and our time in Rome (where we start the fall trip), and post them online mid May.

The  trip this fall (limited to 40 people) will be a trip-of-a-lifetime.

Here’s information about the trip Travel with Friends – 2022-Brochure.

Questions? Email me at [email protected]

Imagine that you’re in a dark auditorium and suddenly a spotlight is turned on. It is bright and clearly illumines the area it shines on. But it’s a limited area and someone is controlling where you are looking. In a subtle way, you’re being manipulated.

Here’s why.

A spotlight has a narrow focus.

Though a spotlight does illuminate reality, it only reveals a small part of reality—your attention is drawn to, but limited to, a narrow range. In a dark space, you’re essentially blinded to all the space other than what the spotlight’s beam shines on.

The direction of a spotlight is determined by someone else.

Someone (the spotlight operator or the director) has predetermined what the light will focus on; someone else has determined what you will see. In essence, you are being manipulated. When there is ample general lighting, you can choose what you want to focus on, but in a darkened room where there’s only one beam of light, your focus is determined by others.

Now let’s apply these thoughts to life outside the theatre. In life and leadership be aware of, and beware of, those times when you are asked to “follow the spotlight.”

Sometimes in life we’re manipulated into focusing on a particular issue to the exclusion of others.

• When you listen to a news broadcast, the topics have been decided in advance and are usually presented in a biased way.
• In a meeting that has an agenda, someone has predetermined what issues will be discussed and which issues will be unaddressed.
• In conversations, someone may consciously or unconsciously choose the topics that are discussed.
• Leaders, someone walks into your office to solicit your approval of a particular project or expense. Before responding, consider the other departments in your organization; they may have an equally compelling need but they haven’t approached you about it. Give everyone equal opportunity.

We should develop an awareness of when and how our attention is being hijacked and then strive to see the larger picture.

Leaders, understand the power of this principle and use it for the good of your organization; don’t abuse it or let others abuse it. Keep your eye on the entire organization which will enhance overall organizational health and maintain balance and fairness. Don’t fall prey to the spotlight syndrome or cause it.

 

My son-in-law Jonathan is an amazing, competent man. He’s a board-certified emergency room physician, served as a lieutenant in the Navy for 18 years with tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, is an instrument-rated pilot, and a master sailor. In his spare time he’s completing his MBA degree.

Recently, he helped a friend (I’ll call him Bill) reposition his 20-ft sailboat from St. Thomas to Ft. Lauderdale. Because the boat belonged to Bill, he assumed the role of Captain.

Bill is a novice sailor, but knows that Jonathan is an experienced one. A few hours into the trip Bill made a bad call (contrary to Jonathan’s warning) that caused the main sail to rip. A few days later Bill stubbornly overruled Jonathan’s suggestion about a pump malfunction so for the rest of the trip they had no fresh water for bathing and cooking. 

The entire trip was a debacle. It didn’t end as badly as the first and final voyage of the Titanic—they made it back alive—but it was rife with problems and avoidable challenges.

The greatest frustration was not the mishaps—bad things happen. Exasperation peaked because the problems need not have happened. It was immediately apparent that Jonathan was the best sailor on board. Why didn’t Bill recognize his own incompetence and Jonathan’s proficiency? Why didn’t he say, “Jonathan, you know a lot more about sailing than I do—you captain the boat; I’ll report to you.” Jonathan would have enjoyed serving as Skipper.

When I heard this story, I asked myself, “In what areas of life am I struggling to perform adequately, and there’s probably someone close by who would gladly help and do better?”

This is a potent lesson for leaders. The key to good leadership is surrounding yourself with people who are better than you at certain tasks and empowering and supporting them. Leaders, you can’t be good at everything so don’t even try. Selecting and leading a team of competent and focused people is the key to effectively leading an organization. 

Without support from others, it’s virtually impossible to advance in your life and career. And studies show that most people are willing to lend a hand—if you ask in the right way. 

We are reluctant to say them, but when spoken honestly and appropriately, three simple phrases will help maintain personal integrity and sustain peace in relationships.

“I don’t know.”

Often, when we’re asked a question but don’t know the answer, we make stuff up. Instead, we should just say, “I don’t know.”

In his must-read-book, In The Kingdom of Ice, Hampton Sides writes that in the late 1800s no one knew what the North Pole was like because no one had ever been there. The most famous cartographer of the day was a German professor named August Petermann. He was, supposedly, the world’s foremost authority on world geography. The world wanted to know what the Arctic was like, so Petermann wrote, “It is a well-known fact that there exists to the north of the Siberian coast, and, at a comparatively short distance from it, a sea open at all seasons.” He firmly believed that when a team of explorers finally reached the North Pole, they would find a tropical environment, complete with palm trees and perhaps a new race of humans.

Huh? Why didn’t he just say, “I don’t know”?

When was the last time you said, “I don’t know”? I admire people who use the phrase; I have little regard for people who should but don’t. There’s no shame in admitting that you simply don’t know.

“I made a mistake.”

When I hear someone say, “I made a mistake,” my admiration for that person escalates. My regard is diminished when there is stubborn refusal to admit the obvious. Politicians and leaders, in particular, are reluctant to admit mistakes, but it’s nearly impossible not to make mistakes when you’re leading aggressively and making a lot of decisions. To err is human.

Even when we do admit that a mistake was made, we have a hard time using the personal pronoun “I.” When Richard Nixon commented on Watergate, when Ronald Reagan talked about the Iran-Contra affair, and when Hillary Clinton spoke about Whitewater, they used the phrase, “Mistakes were made.” That doesn’t quite hit the nail on the head, does it?

Compare these responses to the most famous unsent message in history. General Eisenhower penned the following memo before the Normandy Invasion. Fortunately, it was never posted because the invasion was successful.

“Our landings…have failed..and I have withdrawn the troops. My decision to attack at this time and place was based upon the best information available. The troops, the air and the Navy did all that bravery and devotion could do. If any blame or fault attaches to the attempt it is mine alone.”

When was the last time you said, “I made a mistake”?

“I was wrong; please forgive me.”

Only an infallible person can avoid saying this phrase, and you and I don’t qualify. Speaking this phrase doesn’t make you a bad person, it simply means that you messed up and want to make it right.

I once counseled a couple struggling in their marriage. In one of the sessions I asked the husband, “How long has it been since you’ve spoken these words to your wife: ‘I was wrong; please forgive me.’” Awkward silence ensued. At least he was honest when he replied, “Never.” They had been married 22 years.

I appealed to his logic: “What is the probability that in 22 years of marriage, you have never hurt or offended your wife?” Again, he was honest in saying, “No chance.” Their homework assignment was rather obvious: identify ways in which you have hurt your spouse, admit it, and ask forgiveness.

When was the last time you said, “I was wrong; please forgive me.”

We are reluctant to speak these three phrases, but we should, probably often. When we do, we’ll credibility with our family and friends and relationships will be strengthened.

When was the last time you spoke each of these phrases? In the coming weeks, find an appropriate time to speak each one.