Don McMinn

Recently, Mary and I visited in the home of a neighbor who lives two blocks away. It was the first time we had spent time with her. It was just a friendly get-to-know-you visit.

In our 40-minute conversation, she talked about 90% of the time and mostly about herself. Occasionally, I interrupted her to say something about us, but the conversation quickly resumed its singular focus. 

A few weeks later, I mentioned to our next-door neighbor that Mary and I had met and visited with the lady. Unprompted by me, he said, “She talks a lot. Really, too much.”  

Evidently, this lady (and it could just as well have been a man) has a persistent, probably lifelong, irritating habit of talking too much. Has anyone ever talked to her about this? She is now widowed but was married for 40 years. Did her husband ever push back on this? Perhaps he did but she didn’t listen, or she just didn’t think it was an important enough issue to change, or change proved to be too difficult.

Now, let me use this single incident to introduce a larger issue that affects all of us. (I’m not just picking on those who talk excessively). 

To one degree or another, we all lack self-awareness. One of the hardest things in life is to see ourselves as others see us. We’re unaware of our idiosyncrasies. People aren’t put off by our good ones (though they may be amused), but they’re repelled by our bad ones. 

Perhaps people are hesitant to be honest with us, or they’ve confronted us so many times, with no effect, that they’ve given up. It takes a brave and true friend to speak truth to us.

Here’s an exercise I recommend we all do. Approach two or three people who know you well and say, “Please do me a favor. After taking some time to think about it, share with me several areas of my life that need to change. I promise not to be defensive; I’ll just listen. I may ask a few questions because I want to fully understand what you’re saying, but I promise not to argue.”

Another practical application of this lesson is for us to develop the boldness and courage to confront people about their unproductive personal behaviors, particularly if they seem to be unaware of them.  

I’ve always enjoyed Thomas Huxley’s comment, “Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.” Here’s a post I wrote on this subject.

Recently, I have tweaked the thought to read, “Try to learn something about everything and everything about at least two areas.”  Here’s why.

There’s plenty of time to master more than one area. 

Years ago, Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers: The Story of Success suggested that it takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to become an expert in any field. About three hours a day for 3,333 days—a little over nine years. Scientists have debunked the 10,000-hour rule (suggesting that in many instances it doesn’t take that long to master a field) but for now, let’s assume that the rule is correct: it takes nine years to master a skill. 

Life expectancy in the U.S. is currently around 79 years. So, starting at age 20, according to the 10k-hour rule, someone could master 6.5 areas (59 years divided by 9 years) in a lifetime. That’s overly ambitious, but you get my point—in an average lifetime we have plenty of time to master more than one area.

Mastering more than one area is beneficial.

Mastering multiple areas creates the possibility of synergy

A good (though imprecise) explanation of synergy is: when two or more elements work together and complement each other such that their combined force is more powerful than the sum of their individual forces. The whole is equal to more than the sum of its parts, such that 2+2 = 5.

When you master multiple disciplines, synergy can occur. 

My son-in-law is a board certified emergency room physician. He’s really good at what he does. He’s currently finishing an MBA so he’s “mastering” business and leadership. Recently he was chosen to be chief medical director of a startup company out of Oxford. He was hired because he’s a master of two fields.

Imagine how beneficial it would be to:

• • Earn an MBA degree and master the Chinese language.
  • Be a good engineer and a great writer.
  • Be a good teacher and a master mechanic.  

Mastering multiple areas will give you greater job security.

The job market is very volatile and will continue to be. Positions are being replaced by AI; companies are downsizing. If you’re only competent in one area you’re more vulnerable than if you have multiple skills. 

Likewise, it’s wise to have two sources of income. Work a full-time job but also have a part-time job. For instance, my friend John is a master organist and he also builds, repairs, and tunes organs. My friend Linda teaches public school and is a wedding photographer.

Master several areas. I can’t think of any downside to doing so. 

“A weak argument generally dilutes a strong one.” Neil Rackham

What’s wrong with these arguments?

Husband — I think the time is right for us to buy a new car. The model we want is on sale this month, we have the money set aside to pay cash, we’ll save money on car repairs, and a new car will make our garage look better.

Employee — We shouldn’t include this product in our catalog. It doesn’t meet our standard of quality, our profit margin would be small, and Christmas is on a Monday this year.

Bob — I don’t like Picasso’s art. It’s very abstract and I prefer realistic art. That’s why most people don’t enjoy his art. 

In each instance, the speaker is building a solid argument but then sabotages it by unnecessarily adding an incredulous point. Each speaker should have left off the final phrase. If I heard these statements I would be compelled to comment on the confusing and faulty last statements. These obviously uninformed final phrases would even cause me to question the integrity of the entire argument as well as the thinking ability of the speaker. 

I hear this mistake made often. Someone begins to construct a reasonable proposition but then, in an attempt to further strengthen his case, adds on weak, even indefensible points that dilute the argument and may cause people to totally dismiss the proposition.

When making a case, or just expressing an opinion, limit your supporting evidence to solid, rational statements. Don’t add feeble, irrelevant, or questionable statements because instead of strengthening your position, they weaken it.

What do you think?

 

Direction is more important than speed.

When you’re heading in the right direction, every step you take is progress. If you’re going in the wrong direction, every step is counterproductive. So whether you’re going slow or fast, direction trumps speed. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Make sure that first step is in the right direction.

When making important decisions that have long-term implications (career move, major financial decision, long-term relationship), slow down and carefully evaluate your options before starting.  

Movement is better than inactivity.

If you’re inordinately passive and/or you’re stuck, just start moving. Often, movement is better than inactivity, even if you’re not sure you’re going in the right direction. Several false starts will be better than doing nothing.  And when you start moving but soon realize you’re heading in the wrong direction, you can change course. It’s difficult to steer a stationary bike. 

Do you sense the tension between these two statements? One says “Don’t move until you know you’re going in the right direction.” The other says, “Stop being passive, just do something.”

Of course, correct direction and speed is optimum.

There is a scene in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland where Alice is talking to the Cheshire Cat, who is perched up in a tree. Alice is a bit confused about her direction, so she asks the cat:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a great deal on where you want to go,” replies the Cheshire Cat.

“I don’t much care where,” says Alice.

To which the feline replies, “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

Some people face the same predicament as Alice. They don’t really know which way they want to go in life, so they just wander aimlessly and soon become stagnant and stale, or, they don’t move at all.

Maintain a healthy balance between right direction and movement.

Last week, my friend Ward encouraged me to read Tolstoy’s short story titled How Much Land Does a Man Need? It takes about 10 minutes to read. As expected, it is simple and profound. Here’s a link to a free copy.