Don McMinn

In the epic biblical story of David and Goliath, David was confident that he could kill the giant because, “Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them” (1 Samuel 17:36).

Young David was prepared for a large task because he had been successful in smaller ones (though one might argue that slaying a lion and a bear are not small tasks).

Often in life, we can learn important skills in small settings and then transfer them to larger ones. Learning is maximized when we realize that the small setting can be a training exercise. 

I once read that a well-known management consultant (I can’t remember the name) advised recent MBA graduates to work for one year at a big-box store (Home Depot, Staples) because they would be exposed to every aspect of a business (income, expenses, personnel, inventory, ordering and receiving products, marketing, customer relations, etc.). It would be a fast track to learn how to lead a large organization.  

Leaders, if you learn how to properly manage a small team of people—perhaps four or five—you can use the same skills to supervise a large group. If you learn how to cast vision in a small organization, you can use the same principles in a large one. If you train yourself to be emotionally intelligent at home, the same skills will work in the marketplace. Learn leadership lessons in a small setting because they will transfer into a larger one, and the inevitable failures that occur while learning will be less consequential in a small setting.  

Most skills, traits, and concepts are transferable; once you master them in a small environment they will scale up. But if you don’t know how to utilize them in a small setting, you won’t use them in a large one.

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What information consumes is attention. A wealth of information means a poverty of attention. Herbert A. Simon, cognitive scientist

We are inundated with bits of information—emails, text messages, phone calls, snippets of news—and they all distract us from focused thought and work. We pride ourselves on being able to negotiate multiple, disparate tasks simultaneously. Multitasking has become a badge of honor in a chaotic world.

But multitasking is a myth. Physiologically, it’s not possible.  

In their must-read-book Altered Traits, Goleman and Davidson write:

“Many denizens of the digital world pride themselves on being able to multitask, carrying on their essential work even as they graze among all the other incoming bits of information. But compelling research from Stanford University has shown that this very idea is a myth—the brain does not ‘multitask’ but rather switches rapidly from one task to others.

“Attention tasks don’t really go on in parallel; instead they demand rapid switching from one thing to the other. And following every such switch, when our attention returns to the original task, its strength has been appreciably diminished. It can take several minutes to ramp up once again to full concentration. 

“The harm spills over into the rest of life. For one, the inability to filter out the noise (all those distractions) from the signal (what you want to focus on) creates a confusion about what’s important, and so a drop in our ability to retain what matters. Heavy multitaskers are more easily distracted in general. And when multitaskers do try to focus on that one thing they have to get done, their brains activate many more areas than just those relevant to the task at hand” [Altered Traits, Goleman and Davidson, page 137].

Here’s a simple application of this insight: People cannot read and listen at the same time.

In the past, while teaching a seminar, I would distribute a handout to the students and then begin to talk while they read the handout. I realize now that they weren’t listening to me because no one can read and listen at the same time. 

Here’s a simple way to develop extended focus. 

Most smartphones have a timer. Set it for a certain amount of time and focus exclusively on one thing, ignoring all distractions. Also use the timer to measure spans of time during which you allow your mind to respond to “distractions”—disparate things that need to be addressed.

Proponents of meditation value the trait of mindfulness because it strengthens the brain’s ability to focus on one thing and ignore distractions [see Altered Traits, page 131]. 

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Give me enough ribbons to place on the tunics of all my soldiers and I can conquer the world. Napoleon 

As a leader, through the years I have been unaware of the power and importance of expressing sincere and well-deserved appreciation to team members and individuals. I vow to correct this neglect and make “placing ribbons on the tunics of my team members” a high priority.

Consider this:

“Carolyn Wiley of Roosevelt University reviewed four similar studies of employee motivation conducted in 1946, 1980, 1986, and 1992. In each of the studies, employees were asked to rate the factors that motivated them. Popular answers included ‘interesting work,’ ‘job security,’ ‘good wages,’ and ‘feeling of being in on things.’ Across the studies, which spanned 46 years, only one factor was cited every time as among the top two motivators: ‘full appreciation of work done.’ 

“The importance of recognition to employees is inarguable. But here’s the problem: While recognition is a universal expectation, it’s not a universal practice. 

“Wiley sums up the research: ‘More than 80 percent of supervisors claim they frequently express appreciation to their subordinates, while less than 20 percent of the employees report that their supervisors express appreciation more than occasionally.’ Call it the recognition gap.” [From The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath, page 145]

Expressing appreciation can be simple and quick, and it costs nothing. In your staff meeting, brag on a team member. Write a personal note of appreciation. Give a team member an afternoon off as a reward for good work. Public praise is more powerful than affirming someone privately, though both are beneficial.

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There are many opinions on what these three terms mean and how they relate to each other. Here are my thoughts. 

All three terms describe a process whereby a person can relate to the emotional state of another person. In this order—sympathy, empathy, compassion—they describe an ever-deepening level of concern and involvement.

Sympathy

Sympathy is a mental understanding of the plight of another person. I sympathize with the plight of starving children in Africa and with the person who has a flat tire alongside the road. I understand that it is a plight. I can sympathize without getting emotionally engaged or taking any action. I’m simply embracing facts. 

Empathy

Empathy takes me deeper. Not only do I understand another person’s pain, I also feel what she is feeling. My emotions are stirred, not by what is happening in my life, but by what is happening in someone else’s life. I feel what a person is feeling.

I remember the first time I deeply empathized with someone. One day, when I was a young pastor, I visited a woman who had recently attempted suicide. As she described the painful circumstances of her life and the despair she was feeling, she began to weep. Suddenly, I began to weep. I asked myself, “Why am I weeping? My life is going quite well.” I then realized that I was weeping because I was feeling someone else’s pain, not my own.  

Compassion

Compassion takes me deeper still. Building on sympathy and empathy, it compels me to become physically involved in relieving another person’s pain; it calls me to action. 

The story of the Good Samaritan illustrates the difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion.

Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise” (Luke 10:30-37, ESV).

The priest and Levite noticed the distressed man and may have even empathized with him, but they did nothing to relieve his distress. The Samaritan had compassion on the man and it moved him to act.

In reflecting on the parable of the Good Samaritan, Martin Luther King Jr. said, “I imagine that the first question the priest and Levite asked was: ‘If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?’ But by the very nature of his concern, the good Samaritan reversed the question: ‘If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?’”

I’m not suggesting that empathy and sympathy are unimportant or lacking; they are thoughtful and kind impressions. Nor am I suggesting that we must always demonstrate compassion; logistically it’s impossible to respond to every need.  

The great value of these three functions is that they divert our focus from ourselves to others. Instead of being ego-centric we focus on others and become altruistic and magnanimous. And that’s a good thing.

Sympathy says “I’m sorry your hurting.” Empathy says “I hurt with you.” Compassion says “I’ll stick around until the hurt is gone.”

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