Author: Don McMinn

When I was a teenager I heard a sermon on the mystery box. The pastor recommended that throughout life everyone should keep an imaginary box into which you place those things that happen in life for which there seems to be no good explanation. In the course of life, events and issues happen that we don’t understand. We ask “why” but never get an answer (though some well-meaning friends will offer their opinions). We pray for answers and reasons, but God is silent. 

So when a painful, unexplainable event happens, open your mystery box, place the event inside, close the lid and then stop trying to figure it out. Someday, in heaven, open up the box and talk to God.

I remember the first thing I put in my box. When growing up, my hero was the minister of music at my church. He was a wonderful man and effective minister. When he was 42 years old (I was 18) he had a stroke and became incapacitated. He recently died when in his 90’s so he lived 50 years in a compromised capacity. I have wrestled with God about his illness and subsequent limited lifestyle. I finally opened up my mystery box, placed the anger, confusion, and unsolved mystery inside, and shut the lid.

I’m now 71 years old and have five things in my box. 

This is a wonderful, effective way to deal with imponderables. By placing them in the box, we’re not denying or minimizing our pain and confusion. We’re simply acknowledging that there’s no clear answer available in this life, but there will be in the next. When we get to heaven, we can discuss these issues with God (though I think they will become clear the moment we arrive). 

One of my favorite Bible passages is Isiah 55:8-9: 

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

This is not new or shocking news. Do we actually think that God thinks like we do or is restricted by our limitations? If he did and was, He wouldn’t be God.

By the way, we often fumble the ball when responding to other people’s imponderables. We do them and God a disservice when we try to explain something for which there is no explanation. I even resist saying things like, “God will cause this to work out for your good” or, “this will make you stronger.” Either don’t say anything or suggest that they start their own mystery box. [Here’s a post I wrote titled Don’t say this to someone who is hurting.]

Let’s just trust God and his ways in our lives and the lives of other people.

Anchoring (also called focalism) is a cognitive bias in which we become inordinately influenced by initial information (considered to be the “anchor”). Once we accept the anchor, all future judgments, decisions, negotiations, arguments, estimates, etc. are made in relation to the anchor. And we become reluctant to embrace information and facts that challenge the initial information. 

In short, we tend to rely too heavily on the first piece of information we’re given. It unduly influences our thinking.

For instance, anchoring is used by businesses and organizations to manipulate the perceived value of a product or service. The retail price of an item is listed (anchored) at $450, but it’s now on sale for $215. Naively, we may think the product is really worth $450 (though it may be worth only $50) so we believe the lower price must be a good value. To make matters worse, we may not even be interested in the item, but the “good deal” seems too good to pass up so we buy something we don’t need at an inflated price.

We can also become anchored to a plan of action, our first impression about an individual, a political persuasion, or the first comment we hear about a current event. 

Do not underestimate how gullible we humans are to this effect. In a study by Dan Ariely, an audience is first asked to write the last two digits of their social security number and consider whether they would pay this number of dollars for items whose value they did not know, such as wine, chocolate, and computer equipment. They were then asked to bid for these items. The audience members with higher two-digit numbers submitted bids that were between 60 percent and 120 percent higher than those with lower social security numbers. The number had become an anchor. When asked if they believed the number was informative of the value of the item, quite a few said yes. Even though everyone’s social security number is a random series of digits, those numbers had an effect on their decision-making. [My social security number ends with 00, so I probably would not have even bid.]

It’s very hard to totally avoid anchoring bias. Like all cognitive biases, it happens subconsciously, and it’s hard to identify, much less challenge subconscious thoughts. Here are some suggestions.

1. 1. Be skeptical of first impressions. Challenge all thoughts and statements, but be particularly doubtful about first thoughts and statements. Develop counterarguments to primary thoughts.
   2. When making a decision, always consider alternative options.
   3. When making decisions as a group, designate someone to be the devil’s advocate—someone who will intentionally oppose and challenge the group’s ideas.

I just finished reading Ikigai – The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Garcia and Miralles. I highly recommend the book.

In Japanese culture, there is a concept called “ikigai,” which loosely translates as “a reason for living.” A French philosopher might call it a raison d’être. I would summarize by saying “everyone needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning.”   Every person, it is believed, has an ikigai that they must search for. The search is long and deeply personal, but once your ikigai is found it is what you devote your life to. It’s the place where passion, mission, vocation, and profession intersect.

The entire book is nicely summarized and explained by a well-thought-out Venn diagram (a graphic that uses overlapping circles to illustrate the logical relationships between two or more sets of items). Take a minute to study this diagram.

 

I think our personal Ikigai can change throughout life. For instance, when my daughter Sarah graduated from Juilliard her primary focus was on building her career. But five months ago she gave birth to Claire and now the child is Sarah’s reason for getting up in the morning (and several times during the night 🙂 and is the primary source of fulfillment.

What has been the prime motivator in your life? Has it changed recently?

Travel with Friends Information Meeting

Join me on March 11, 7:00p.m. CST for a 45-minute information meeting on Zoom about the 2024 Travel with Friends trip to the Baltic Sea and Northern Europe.

We’ll discuss the itinerary, accommodations, and ports of calls. The Q&A will answer all your questions. If you want to attend, let me know and I’ll send you an invitation. You can download Zoom for free. You can also participate via a conference call using your mobile phone.

Here’s the brochure that we’ll discuss. Baltic-Sea-Trip-2024-Brochure-110823-Fillable

If you want to attend, email me at [email protected] or call me at 214.783.4414

 

For the last 14 months of its life, the check engine light in my old Subaru Forester (230,000 miles) was constantly on. I would fix one issue that triggered the alarm and then another would flare up. I became so weary of the issue that I didn’t even want to have it checked out. I just ignored the light and would have disconnected it had I known how to. 

Years ago (before Mary and I vowed to live debt-free) when our credit card bill would get out of hand, I avoided checking the balance because I knew it was high and out of control.

In both cases, I was exhibiting the ostrich effect (OE).

According to a persistent myth, ostriches bury their heads in the sand when they’re scared or feel threatened. They think they are safe if they can’t see the danger. (They don’t really do that.) 

The ostrich effect is a cognitive bias that causes people to avoid information that they perceive as potentially unpleasant. From a psychological standpoint, OE is the result of the conflict between what our rational mind knows to be important and what our emotional mind anticipates will be painful. Instead of helping, it drains us of time, energy, and resources and offers nothing of value in return. 

Here are some examples of the ostrich effect

• • • You may hesitate to weigh yourself on a scale because you know you’re not sticking to your diet.
    • You may avoid getting a professional medical diagnosis because you’re afraid of hearing bad news).
    • You regularly check your retirement fund when the market is going up but not when it’s going down (although, to manage your money wisely, you need consistent data).
    • Parents may hesitate to have a child who is having trouble in school tested.
    • A business executive may postpone delving into what may be problems in the organization.

As is often the case with cognitive biases, the first step towards clarity is self-awareness. We must realize and admit that we’re falling prey to unhealthy thinking. I think the ostrich effect is one of the easiest biases to recognize: Just identify areas in your life in which you’re procrastinating or reluctant to get information because you think it might be bad news. 

The antidote to the ostrich effect is also simple and straightforward: Immediately pursue areas that you’re avoiding and pursue them aggressively. Put them at the top of your to-do-list; pledge that you’ll not eat again until you address the issues :).  

The ostrich effect offers no value—there’s no upside—but overcoming it is very beneficial. As the Bible says, “The truth will set you free,” even if the truth is unpalatable

Travel with Friends Information Meeting

Join me on March 11, 7:00p.m. CST for a 45-minute information meeting on Zoom about the 2024 Travel with Friends trip to the Baltic Sea and Northern Europe.

We’ll discuss the itinerary, accommodations, and ports of calls. The Q&A will answer all your questions. If you want to attend, let me know and I’ll send you an invitation. You can download Zoom for free. You can also participate via a conference call using your mobile phone.

Here’s the brochure that we’ll discuss. Baltic-Sea-Trip-2024-Brochure-110823-Fillable

If you want to attend, email me at [email protected] or call me at 214.783.4414