Author: Don McMinn

Expressions of arrogance and pride are distasteful, almost comical.
Expressions of humility and modesty are attractive and honorable.

I am deeply moved by people who are both great and humble.

• • I have a friend who is President of a private bank. When he introduces himself in public he says, “My name is _______ and I work at _____ bank.” (He never mentions that he is president of the bank.)
  • I have a friend who was president of a major university. When he speaks of that time in his life he says, “For several years I served on the leadership team at ___________.” (He never says that he was president.)
  • I have a friend I knew for four years before I discovered he has a Ph.D. in geology from a major research university.
  • When asked about his profession, my son-in-law says he works in the healthcare industry, not that he’s CMO of a leading hospital in America.

These men and women are exceptional in their character, credentials, and experiences. They have accomplished a lot in life. But it takes time to discover their depth, because they are  humble. They have a lot more behind the counter than they put out on the shelf.

How about you? Are you eager to tell people what and who you know? When meeting people for the first time, do you quickly try to impress them with your credentials and experiences, or is your discloser slower and more subtle? Do you overstate or understate your strengths and assets? Do you hide your weaknesses and failures, or do you acknowledge them as a natural part of your life’s narrative?

I love the following story because it is utterly fascinating and, the protagonist exemplifies what I’m advocating in this essay.

The 17th century French mathematician Pierre de Fermat proffered a theorem that became the Holy Grail of math problems for the next 350 years: prove there are no whole-number solutions for this equation: xn + yn = zn for n greater than 2. Some mathematicians spent their entire lives trying to solve the problem; many thought it was impossible.

On June 23, 1993, Andrew Wiles—a quiet, unassuming professor of mathematics at Princeton University—stood before his peers at a conference in Cambridge and for several hours scribbled math equations on the chalkboard. Finally, he said, “I think I’ll stop here,” and put down the chalk. He had solved Fermat’s Enigma. With little fanfare, he had deciphered one of the most complicated problems in mathematics and then simply said, “I think I’ll stop here.”

He was understated and humble. Let’s follow his example.

I recently took my nine-year-old grandson to his first chess tournament. On our way to the event, I coached Ben about what to expect. I told him he would play matches with kids who were much better than him and kids he would defeat. He would learn most from the former group. I shared the overused but beneficial phrase, “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.”

The phrase should probably read: If you’re always the smartest person in the room, you’re probably in the wrong room, because sometimes you are the smartest person in the room and there’s nothing wrong with that. But when you’re consistently the best person in a particular area, you’re probably not challenging yourself enough or learning from others.

So if you’re always the best tennis player in your league, move to a better group. If you’re always the best architect in your firm, go to more conferences. If you’re always the best leader in your organization, hire a coach who can take you to a higher level. Because the best way to improve at something is to be around people who are better than you.

It’s beneficial to intentionally place yourself in environments in which you’re a novice; you feel uncomfortable, awkward, even inadequate. I felt that way when I studied for advanced certifications in wine education. When I started, I knew nothing about wine, but purposely studied with Master Sommeliers and Masters of Wine. I never reached their level of expertise, but I grew rapidly.

When was the last time you were on the left side of the bell curve?

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The famous biographer James Boswell (known best for his acclaimed biography of Samuel Johnson) spoke often of a special childhood memory—a day spent fishing with his dad. Even as an adult, Boswell would reminisce about the time, citing the many things his father taught him during the hours together. 

Many years later, after both James and his dad had passed away, the older man’s journals were found. Someone looked up what he had written in his diary on the day that had meant so much to his son.

The father had written, “Gone fishing today with my son; a day wasted.”

What can we learn from this anecdote? 

• • • Don’t underestimate the potential impact of time spent with other people. Even though you may not be a famous person (James’ father was not), a small kindness or time spent with others can deeply affect their lives. 
    • You may never know the impact you have on other people—they may not tell you and you would not suspect it—but acts of kindness are always appropriate and usually bear fruit. 
    • Though several people are experiencing the same thing, each will see and interpret it differently. For instance, though multiple people may enter the same room at the same time, their experiences may differ drastically. When an interior designer and a security expert enter the same room, they likely will have vastly different thoughts. Let’s not be quick to judge the elder Boswell, because we don’t know the back-story of that day. I can only imagine that he would have been pleased to know how much his son enjoyed their day together.  

My biggest take away from this anecdote is that I’m going to slow down my pace and spend more quality time with family and friends.

I’ve learned a new phrase that comes in handy when I’m inordinately or unnecessarily worried about a mistake I made. I learned it from my friend Jason.

One day we were talking about a mistake that happened in one of our worship services (we started a song in two different keys). I was obsessing about it when Jason said, “Don, don’t worry about it; no one died.”

If an air-traffic controller, surgeon, or pilot makes a mistake, someone can die. But most of us work in jobs where mistakes are not fatal or permanent. Embarrassing perhaps, but not life-altering.

I’m not, of course, suggesting that we be flippant about making mistakes; we should always be careful and do our best. But sometimes we need to give ourselves and others grace. Sometimes it’s okay just to admit that a mistake was made, analyze why it happened so it won’t be repeated, and then drop the issue and carry on.

When you flub up, are you too hard on yourself? Or too easy? Are you too hard on other people when they make a mistake, or do you extend grace?

Inevitably, errors happen, so put them in proper perspective.

Two video series I highly recommend

Most nights, Mary and I end the day watching video shows together. It’s relaxing and enjoyable. We recently finished two shows on Netflix that we totally enjoyed: S.W.A.T (about the Los Angeles police team), and All the Light We Cannot See (the book by Anthony Door won the Pulitzer Prize and is now a four-part video series.) The story takes place in WW2. The protagonist is a 12 year old girl who is blind. Watch and enjoy.