Author: Don McMinn

Four years ago I started shopping for a dog. I wasn’t looking for a guard dog or a hunting dog. I just wanted a friend and companion. I considered all breeds, settled on a blonde golden retriever, and bought Buddy. 

Buddy is solid white—when running in the snow he disappears. He is a gentle giant—82 pounds of muscle—but so tender that my grandson often sticks his hand in Buddy’s mouth with no consequences. He’s my faithful friend. I usually spend the last 30 minutes of every evening with Buddy and Johnny, just sitting on the couch. He’s everything I want in a dog.

But he has one very frustrating, annoying idiosyncrasy. Sometimes, while walking around the house he gets “stuck” and becomes immobile; he freezes in place and cannot be moved. It takes time and gentle persuasion to get him past the hurdle. Here’s a picture of this happening on the stairs.  

But, he’s my beloved dog, so I accept his peculiarities. 

We face the same challenge in human relationships. We all have ticks—points of weirdness. When relating to other peoples’ idiosyncrasies, instead of being bothered by them and trying to correct them, perhaps we should just take a deep breath, accept them, and carry on. And hope others will give grace when we’re acting out our eccentricities. 

I’m an amateur artist, specializing in pedagogical art—art that teaches a lesson. I recently finished the painting shown below. When I show it to others, people immediately focus on the small black dot in the middle of the white canvas. Some ask if it is a mistake. The painting is an illustration of what I’m talking about in this post. In our relationships we often focus too much on the one or two aspects of a person’s personality that bother us, ignoring the vast amount of goodness they exhibit.  

Consider your closest relationships and identify what each person’s “black dot” is. Perhaps you should overlook it (and hope they overlook yours).

British Isles Cruise – September 14-29

If you’re interested in going on the fall Travel with Friends trip, let me know ASAP. There’s only one cabin left.  Here’s the brochure.

Years ago, Mary and I attended a concert at the Nasher Sculpture Center in Dallas. The audience was limited to 80 people who stood in a circle around an eclectic group of musicians (baritone soloist, flute, cello, percussion, clarinet, piano, violin, cello). They performed Eight Songs for a Mad King—a monodrama by composer Peter Maxwell Davies. The composition is based on the final years of King George III.

George III was King of Great Britain and Ireland from 1760 until his death in 1820. Throughout his reign, he had frequent episodes of mental illness. In his final decade, he became violently insane. He was diagnosed with chronic mania and dementia. He was blind and possibly deaf. The medical “treatments” he received would be considered torture today.

The music is based on conversations he allegedly had with his parrot during his years of insanity. It’s hard to listen to. The music is dissonant and unpredictable, the soloist wails and shrieks. The sounds often mimic those made by humans under extreme physical and mental duress.

At the reception following the performance, I visited with a woman who had also been in the audience. She asked me, “What did you think of the performance?” I said I didn’t enjoy it. Musically, it didn’t have form or beauty. It was chaotic, the sounds were disturbing, and the baritone soloist screamed, squealed, and howled. I wouldn’t even call it music. 

She paused for a moment, then said, “Sir, do you realize that the composition reflected the troubled thoughts of someone who is severely mentally ill? The sounds you heard are likely a good representation of the thoughts that George III had.”

Her statement gave me pause. I had totally misunderstood the purpose of the composition. 

I learned a significant lesson that day: I must learn to “think as other people may be thinking.” I must seek to understand how their mind works and then give margin and not judge.  

In the years since I first heard Eight Songs for a Mad King, it has served as a reminder that I must be empathetic and patient with people who suffer from mental illness. What thoughts does someone with schizophrenia have? How does major bipolar disorder or even minor depressive disorder affect one’s thinking? 

Here’s a YouTube video of a performance of the piece. Please listen to the entire composition. It will be hard to do. Most of you will stop after a few minutes. But remember that it represents a mind that struggles. 

On a regular basis, you and I come in contact with people who have similar struggles. We must seek to understand and respond with kindness.

 

Several months ago, I explained to my eight-year-old grandson, Benjamin, the benefits of doing things sooner rather than later. It’s a simple thought: “Most tasks must be done sooner or later; it’s best to do them sooner.” He listened carefully and the concept found purchase in his mind.

He immediately applied the principle by doing his homework. Prior to our talk, we had to hound him to get his homework done. Now he takes the initiative. Instead of playing Minecraft on my phone during the hour drive to the lake house, he works on his homework. This is a miracle second only to the resurrection of Lazarus. And, if the persuasion holds and becomes a permanent habit, this lesson will change his life for the better.

The principle can be said another way: Don’t procrastinate. 

We are most tempted to procrastinate when faced with difficult, tedious, or unpleasant tasks. But instead of delaying the inevitable, be aggressive and get it done. Mark Twain said, “If your job is to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning.”

Examples abound: filing your annual tax return, minor repairs to your home or car, writing a thank-you note, turning in a report at work, cleaning your bathroom, having a difficult conversation, planning an event that will happen a year from now.

If you’re able to make this principle part of your modus operandi, it actually becomes fun. Getting tasks done quickly can become a game you play. Reward yourself for got-it-done-sooner accomplishments. I just finished this post so I’m going to reward myself by taking Buddy for a walk.

There are three dimensions of time—past, present, and future—but we can only live in the present. We have lived in the past and we hope to live in the future, but life is only experienced in the now. 

Though our thoughts about the past can be troubling (hurts, misunderstandings) or healthy (pleasant memories), and our thoughts about the future can be troubling (fears, worries) or healthy (goals, plans, aspirations), when we’re thinking about the past or the future, we’re not focusing on the present.

An important life skill to develop is mindfulness. Simply put, it is the challenging art of controlling our thoughts such that we’re not thinking of the past or future but instead, we’re focused on the present. It’s more difficult than we think.

I’m not suggesting that we should never think about past or future events. I enjoy reminiscing about time spent with family, traveling, achieving goals, and funny anecdotes. And I enjoy thinking about hopes and plans for the future. But if that’s all I think about, I’m missing out on life.

Interestingly, and sadly, often our minds focus so much on unpleasantries in the past and worries about the future that even though our bodies are currently in a neutral or pleasant place, we’re not able to experience it. 

That’s why we need to master mindfulness—the ability to corral and slow down our racing mind and maintain an awareness of present thoughts, bodily sensations, and environment.

Perhaps this is what the Psalmist David was thinking when he said, “This is the day the Lord has made, let’s rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24). He didn’t say this is the year, or month, or week the Lord has made. He said this is the day…perhaps the moment…the now that God has made. Let’s be happy and rejoice in it. 

To develop mindfulness, use the “5-4-3-2-1 method,” which involves using all five senses to focus your mind on the now. Several times during the day, pause and savor:

• • • five things you see
    • four things you hear
    • three sounds you can touch
    • two aromas you smell 
    • one thing you taste 

The story is told of a monk who was walking by himself in the forest. He stumbled over the side of a cliff and halfway down stopped his fall by grabbing a wild strawberry vine. But he soon realized he could neither crawl back up the hill or lower himself to safety. He was stuck. Even in this predicament, he reached out and picked a wild strawberry, ate it, and said, “Lord, thank you. That’s the sweetest strawberry I’ve ever had.” 

Gloria Gaither, noted Christian lyricist, wrote these words, “We have this moment to hold in our hands and to watch as it slips through our fingers like sand. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come, but we have this moment today.”

Take time to observe and delight in, the now of your existence.

Here’s a good article on how not to worry.