Author: Don McMinn

In his must-read book, How to Know a Person, New York Times journalist David Brooks warns about having a static mindset toward people. He writes, “Some people formed a certain conception of you, one that may even have been largely accurate at some point in time. But then you grew up. You changed profoundly. And those people never updated their models to see you now for who you really are.”

I recently conversed with a colleague I had not talked to in 30 years. Years ago, because of my own insecurities and professional competitiveness, I had pre-judged him—thinking him to be aloof and condescending—and that initial impression had endured through the decades. In our recent conversation, I found him to be approachable, generous, and engaging. I misjudged him in those early years but I also sensed that time has mellowed both of us. I look forward to pursuing our friendship.  

I wonder what he has thought of me through the years.

People change, so we should adopt a flexible mindset that allows us to recalibrate our opinions about them. I am not the same person I was several years ago and neither are you. Hopefully we have all changed for the better. 

Updating our perceptions is a grace we extend to other people, and we hope they do the same for us.  

So when you reengage with someone from the past, assume that time and life has worn down the rough edges of their persona and they have grown and matured.

In 1997, managers at Samsung didn’t question a $13 billion investment that would take the company into the automobile industry because the idea’s champion, Samsung Chairman and CEO Kun-Hee Lee, was a forceful personality and a car buff. When Samsung Motors folded only a year into production, Lee wondered why no one had expressed reservations. (Teams That Click, HBSP, pg. 74)

Robust dialogue could have prevented Samsung’s debacle.

Simply stated, robust dialogue occurs in a group when everyone is encouraged, allowed, and even required to give their unfiltered input on issues. The value of robust dialogue is: Every idea or plan will be improved upon when submitted to the unfiltered wisdom and input of others.

Robust dialogue is not just the right thing to do; it is the best thing to do. It’s not just politically correct, it is practically helpful.

The prelude to robust dialogue may sound like this:

• • • The boss says, “I’ve got an idea and I would really value everyone’s input. I want you to be totally honest.”
    • A team member says, “My division is thinking about offering a new service, but before we get very far down the road, I want to get your opinion on the project.”
    • A team member says, “I think we’re going in the wrong direction on this project.”

Bossidy and Charan teach that robust dialogue is based on openness, candor, and informality.

• • • Openness—people are not trapped by preconceptions; they’re open-minded.
    • Candor—people speak candidly and express their real opinions. Truth is valued more than harmony.
    • Informality—informal dialogue invites questions, mental experimentation, and creative and critical thinking. Formality suppresses dialogue and leaves little room for debate.
      (Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done, pg. 102)

Robust dialogue will help maintain a transparent and healthy workplace. It’s amazing how often there’s an elephant in the room, but no one is willing to acknowledge it. Clarke and Crossland warn, “Every time your team avoids the critical ‘real issues,’ you lose. Every time the discussion outside the meeting room—physical or virtual—is dramatically different from the discussion inside the room, you lose.” (The Leader’s Voice, pg. 118)

Often, we avoid challenging dialogue because we value unanimity and harmony. But when we ignore the tough issues, we inadvertently dilute any sense of consensus; true alliance is achieved only when all the major issues have been identified and wrestled with. Consensus is good, unless it is achieved too easily, in which case it becomes suspect.

Robust dialogue is not only helpful in the workplace, it will also improve dialogue among family members and friends. See a previous post – Don’t go to Abilene — for an example of how robust dialogue might help family communications.

If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time. Zig Ziglar

Mary and I love to travel. Twenty five years ago we set a goal of visiting 60 countries before we die.  In April , 2024 we toured Chili, Argentina, and Uruguay. When we set foot in Montevideo, Uruguay we reached our goal. That afternoon we upgraded our aspirations to 80 by 80. We’re in our early 70’s so I think that’s doable. I’ve challenged my 9-year-old grandson to adopt 30 by 30 as a life-goal. He’s already been to seven countries.

For the past 47 years (that’s how long we’ve been married), during the week between Christmas and New Years Day, Mary and I talk about goals – evaluating those we have been working on and setting new ones. Years ago we set a goal of becoming debt-free and accomplished that in 2010. Early in our marriage we dreamed of our daughters getting a good education (they graduated from Juilliard and Columbia).

Some of our goals are more simple: this year (2024) we want to host a monthly dinner with friends. We want to reimagine our backyard. I’m teaching Ben music.

Goal setting is so beneficial. Goals clarify intent and focus resources. Without them, we may drift through life, accomplishing little.

Here are some guidelines for goal setting:

• • • Set goals in all major areas of life: financial, relational, physical, professional, spiritual, social, and intellectual.
    • Write them down. It’s not sufficient to simply talk about them. Steven Covey teaches that, “Writing bridges the conscious and subconscious mind. Writing is a psycho-neuromuscular activity that literally imprints the brain.”
    • Regularly, measure and review your progress. If you don’t, goals will lose their purchase and denigrate into wishful thinking.
    • Most of your goals should be practical and achievable, but some should be stretch-goals. A Chinese proverb says, “He who aims for the stars shoots higher than he who aims for the trees.”
    • Don’t bludgeon yourself if you don’t accomplish all your goals. Partially completed goals can be very fulfilling because sometimes the journey is just as rewarding as arriving at the final destination.

What will happen if you don’t set and pursue goals? Most likely you’ll underutilize your gifts and resources and not reach your potential. Hockey legend Wayne Gretzky said, “You’ll miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.”

“Que sera, sera. Whatever will be will be” is a cute song to sing but a lousy philosophy on which to build your life. Decide now that you’re going to set and accomplish meaningful goals.

For further reading…

An article in the March 24, 1972 issue of Life magazine featured John Goddard who, at age 15, wrote down 127 goals which he wanted to accomplish in his lifetime.

Included in his goals were: climb Mounts Kilimanjaro, Ararat, Fuji, McKinley (and thirteen others); visit every country in the world; learn to fly an airplane; retrace the travels of March Polo and Alexander the Great; visit the North and South Poles, Great Wall of China, Taj Mahal (and other exotic areas); become an Eagle Scout; dive in a submarine; play flute and violin; publish an article in National Geographic magazine; learn French, Spanish and Arabic; milk a poisonous snake; read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica; and other goals, similar in variety and scope.

By age 47, Goddard had accomplished 103 of these goals and was in the process of completing several others. Goddard was neither wealthy nor gifted when he began his amazing saga of adventure and accomplishment. He was just a young boy who believed all things were possible and that he could accomplish his goals.

About 40 years ago I overheard a friend talking about mutual funds. I had never heard the term so I asked him to explain.  A few days later he spent 15 minutes explaining to me that mutual funds are an investment tool, a strategy for developing longterm wealth through the stock market. I immediately opened an account with Fidelity and have contributed to it for the last 40 years. I started investing in mutual funds when the U.S. stock market was at 1,156 (NYSE Composite); on June 12, 2024 it was at 18,005.

There are several ways to invest in the stock market.

1. 1. 1. You can choose and buy individual stocks. The New York Stock Exchange currently represents around 2,800 companies. You can try to guess which stocks are going to go up and buy those, and sell stocks when you think they’re going down. In this scenario you’re trusting yourself to make wise decisions.
      2. You can buy mutual funds. A mutual fund is an account managed by professional investors who choose a group of stocks to buy using funds from many investors. In this scenario you’re trusting financial advisors to make wise decisions
      3. You can invest in index funds which passively invest in a benchmark index. For instance you can purchase an index fund that invests exclusively in the S&P 500 (which tracks the stock performance of 500 of the largest companies  in the United States), or the Russell 3000 (which tracks the entire U.S. stock market), or other types of index funds. In this scenario you’re simply investing in large parts of the market, perhaps the entire market. No one is guessing which stocks will go up and which will go down. You’re just riding the entire market.

Many research projects confirm that you should buy index funds. There are many reasons why index funds are so effective.

1. 1. 1. Though in the short-term the U.S. stock market goes up and down, the longterm trajectory is always up. In the past 50 years (1974-2023) the market has increased an average of 11.1% annually. (Adjusted for inflation, the return is 7.26%)
      2. It’s very difficult for an individual to successfully pick and choose stocks that will outperform the total market. And professional investment firms aren’t much better. 
      3. Most broad index funds have a low expense ratio (as low as 0.015%).
      4. Index firms increase diversification. Instead of just investing in one segment of the market (travel industry, health care, technology, auto industry), you invest in all areas of the economy.

Every month put money in a broad index fund and forget about it. Don’t sell when you think the market is going down. Just stick with it for decades until you retire and then sell shares as needed.

You may ask: I’m currently not invested in the stock market. When is the best time to start? The answer is the same as if someone ask “When is the best time to plant a tree?” Answer: “Forty years ago. Or, today.” 

Here are some index funds to consider.

Best total stock market index funds

• • • Fidelity Zero Total Market Index Fund (FZROX).
    • Fidelity Total Market Index Fund (FSKAX).
    • Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund Admiral Shares (VTSAX).
    • Schwab Total Stock Market Index Fund (SWTSX).
    • Schwab 1000 Index Fund (SNXFX).
    • T. Rowe Price Total Equity Market Index Fund (POMIX).

[Disclaimer: I am not a financial advisor. Before making any decisions regarding your personal finances you should consult with an attorney, Certified Financial Planner, or qualified accountant.]