Don McMinn

Years ago a friend of mine, a physician, was struggling with a cocktail of emotional and mental issues. He confided in me and asked for my help. During our conversation, I asked him if he had any hobbies; he didn’t. I asked him what he did on his day off; he didn’t take a day off. He didn’t have any intellectual pursuits (other than his profession) or intimate friends. His entire life centered around one thing: his practice. He lived a unidimensional life and it was beginning to take its toll. 

Biologist Thomas Huxley offered good advice when he said, “Try to learn everything about something and something about everything.”

Try to learn everything about something.

Become an expert in one area of life. Drill deep and be thorough in your knowledge and understanding. This is usually our profession. While we’ll never know everything about a particular subject, we can become extremely proficient. 

Try to learn something about everything.

Here’s why a multidimensional life should be pursued:

• • You’ll enjoy the wonderful diversity of life and our world. There are so many interesting things in life to explore. Don’t get pigeon-holed into just one area.
  • You’ll be a more interesting person. It’s often tedious being around one-dimensional people. Their conversation is limited and their perspective is narrow. 
  • You won’t be flummoxed if your one area of expertise vanishes. Many current jobs will not exist several years from now; AI will make them obsolete.    
  • You won’t be bored when you retire. Some of my friends go bat-crazy about six months after they retire because their self-identity, self-worth, and life-focus have been solely defined by their profession. Other friends, upon retirement, sense a new lease on life because they now have more time to pursue their “everythings.” 

My daughter and son-in-law are quintessential examples of what I’m advocating. Jonathan has gone deep into his profession: if you ever need an emergency-room physician, hope it’s Jonathan. But he’s also an instrument-rated pilot, an expert sailor, volunteers for the F.B.I., is finishing his MBA, built a lake house…he knows something about many things. My daughter, Lauren, has a degree in violin performance, a master’s degree from Columbia in strategic planning, graduated from culinary school, is a master gardener, and started a business in environmental sustainability. 

Way to go, kids.

Be a jack-of-all-trades and a master of one. It’s a good recipe for a well-balanced and engaging life.

“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.” Stephen Covey

This statement, made by author Stephen Covey, exposes a hypocrisy most of us struggle with. Both terms—intentions and behavior—are legitimate ways to evaluate human conduct; the rub is that we conveniently select intentions when considering ourselves and behavior when evaluating other people.  

I think we should consider both consistently and apply them uniformly. 

Intentions are important because why we do something reveals motive. Behavior is important because what we do impacts ourselves and others.   

While intentions are important, they don’t atone for all behavior. Here in Dallas, we recently had an incident in which a policewoman, thinking she was entering her own apartment, entered someone else’s apartment, thought the tenet was an intruder, and shot him dead. At the trial, her lawyer said, “She didn’t intend to kill an innocent person”; but someone died.  

Relative to your own behavior, don’t use intentions as an excuse for unproductive actions: “I didn’t mean to back into your car in the parking lot.” Or, “I didn’t intend to hurt you with my remarks.” Instead, own up to your behavior: pay to have the car repaired, and ask forgiveness if you spoke inappropriate words.  

Relative to other people’s behavior, cut them some slack for good intentions. “I understand that you didn’t purposefully back into my car.” Or, “I know you care for me though your words didn’t properly reflect that.”

Let’s maintain an attitude of presumed benevolence toward others. Let’s believe that the actions and behaviors of other people are inspired by good rather than negative intentions. Choose to imagine a noble intent.

Travel is one of life’s greatest opportunities. I enjoy helping other people experience the thrill of the journey. That’s why I sponsor international Travel With Friends excursions.

In May, we’ll travel to Peru. [There are only two spaces left.]

In October, we’ll travel to Italy, Croatia, Turkey and the Greek Isles.

Here are some pictures from previous trips. 

Email me with questions – [email protected]

I recently had a tiff with my adult daughter. I had asked her opinion about a particular statement and when she responded, I pushed back on her thinking. She replied, “Dad, why do you ask my opinion and then argue with it?”

This same type of conversational misunderstanding also happened at work. Having analyzed this problem, I realize that in these situations I have been miscommunicating my intent. I need to be more clear about the type of conversation I’m wanting to have. When initiating certain conversations—particularly when I’m asking for input—I now consider three options.  

Scenario 1—What is your opinion?

When I ask for someone’s opinion, I shouldn’t disagree with or challenge their thoughts. I just need to listen carefully. If I ask someone, “What did you think about the political debate that was aired last night?” that’s not an invitation to discuss politics. I shouldn’t counter what is said, I simply need to listen. 

This is passive conversation; while differing opinions may be expressed, there should be no pushback or resistance. The conversation is informative but not challenging.   

Scenario 2—Let’s have robust discussion about a particular topic.

In this scenario, I’ll seek your opinion but I’ll feel free to challenge your thoughts and you can challenge mine. I’m wanting to dig deep into a subject, not to prove who’s right and who’s wrong, but to better understand a situation. Let’s challenge each other and we’ll both end in a better place. The goal is not to win an argument but to learn. I will probably begin the conversation with a slight inclination but not a firm position. At the end of our discussion I may think differently. But I need to wrestle with our thoughts to get there. I will challenge your thinking; please challenge mine. The goal is not to win an argument but to learn. If I challenge a statement you make, I’m probing for deeper understanding. I’m not attacking you, I’m investigating our thoughts. 

Some people are not comfortable with this type of conversation.

My mistake has often been in initiating this type of conversation without clarifying the rules of engagement. In the future, if everyone knows what I mean by robust discussion I might begin by saying, “Let’s have robust discussion about a particular topic.” If someone is unfamiliar with the term, I could say: “I’d like to talk about a particular topic with you. I have some solid ideas and opinions about it, but want to explore other sides to the issue.  I value your thoughts and input. I need a sounding board. Please speak openly and so will I.” 

Scenario 3—Let’s debate.

In this setting, we’ll take opposite sides of an issue and each of us will try to prevail. We both think we’re right so we’ll try to prove each other wrong. Neither of us will probably change our mind as a result of the conversation, though we might walk away with some doubts about our position. 

There’s a proper time and place for each type of conversation. 

Scenario 1 conversations are casual, courteous, and help develop relationships.

Scenario 2 conversations are intentional and focused, and promote clarity and learning. 

Scenario 3 conversations are typically inappropriate for informal conversations. When debate is desired, it should be formally set up and regulated.  

In my weekly blog posts, I’m obviously expressing my personal opinion. But I truly value and enjoy having robust discussion about the issues I proffer. So please hit the comment button and tell me what you think.