Don McMinn

Be careful how you interpret the world, it is like that. Eric Heller

Perception is reality.

I have always resisted this thought, though I believe it is true, though it is not.

Reality is immutable so our perception of it should be immaterial. (Thinking that an apple is an orange doesn’t change the molecular structure of the apple.) And yet, each of us comprehends and interprets reality through our personal, unique lenses. We often mistake our perception for reality.

Sometimes, we may see a small and accurate facet of reality but it is incomplete, which leads to correct but limited perceptions. [The Blind Men and the Elephant parable illustrates this conundrum.]

How can we negotiate this tenacious fallacy?

1. As you relate to other people, constantly remind yourself of how pervasive the perception vs reality challenge is, and try to manage it.

Anticipate how things may be perceived by others and try to present them clearly so that reality has a chance to prevail. Try to understand how people are perceiving things so that you can correct misconceptions.

2. Don’t let your perceptions define your reality.

Douglas Adams reminds us that “Everything you see or hear or experience is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you.” Continually scrutinize your thoughts and convictions in order to verify their veracity. Pursue truth; avoid and forsake a mere perception of the truth. As Daniel Moynihan famously said, “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”

3. Leaders, this topic underscores how challenging it is to communicate well.

When communicating to your stake holders, always assume that you are not as good at communicating as you think you are.

Tom Peters writes, “The biggest problem with leadership communication is the illusion that it has occurred. A 2002 survey of 1,104 business professionals showed that while 86% of their leaders feel that they are great communicators, only 17% believe their leaders are, indeed, effective communicators.”

Good communication will help align perception with truth.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” – Albert Einstein

[reminder]What are your thoughts about this essay?[/reminder]

[callout]12 best books I read last year – book 3 of 12

In The Kingdom of Ice – The Grand and Terrible Polar Voyage of the USS Jeannette – Hampton Sides

In 1879 a ship set sail from San Francisco. Her crew hoped to be the first humans to reach the North Pole. This story is a testimony to the incredible perseverance embedded in the human psyche. Click here for more information from Amazon.[/callout]

One of the most encouraging things about life is that at any time we can decide to change and chart a new course. Life is like a book with many chapters; as the author, you can start a new chapter at anytime.

It doesn’t matter how old you are or how deeply embedded you are in your current modus operandi. You can always choose a new direction. Where you’ve been need not determine where you go.

Sometimes in life we slowly and unwittingly drift into an undesirable place, or sometimes life changes around us and we don’t adjust to it. We find ourselves severely out of sync. Often our poor choices place us in jeopardy.

Regardless of why we’re displaced or out of kilter, we can remedy the situation. Making major changes is hard, but doable. It takes courage and grit.

• Terminate an abusive relationship.
• Start a new career.
• Stop a bad habit or start a good one.
• Decide to be more positive, or punctual, or kind.
• Pray more.

You’ll probably need help; it’s difficult to negotiate major changes on your own. But you must initiate the new direction and be the driving force behind it. No one else is responsible for your turnaround, but many will assist.

When you’re ready to move to a better place and future, think carefully about, and take, that first step. Think about where you want to go and then take a baby-step forward, then another, and another. The journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step, so the first step is very important – both for direction and momentum.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time to plant a tree is today. A year from now you’ll wish you had started today. Start today.

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In renowned psychologist Alison Gopnik’s must-read book, The Gardener and the Carpenter, she makes a seemingly too obvious statement: “Children are messy.”

It’s not a new or radical thought, but sometimes we don’t need to be taught something new as much as simply reminded of something important but perhaps out of mind.

My two-year-old grandson, Benjamin, recently had a meltdown in a nice restaurant. Yep, children are messy. He drew a nice picture of a house, dog, and moon—on the wall of our hallway. Yep, children are messy. I could go on ad infinitum, but you get my drift.

When these mishaps occur, reminding myself that “children are messy” seems to help me deal with them. Perhaps just anticipating that unfortunate things will happen ameliorates the discomfort.

Now, let’s switch applications. Here’s a reminder to leaders: leadership is messy.

• No matter how conscientious you are about hiring good people, you’ll make mistakes.
• Well-thought-out strategies that you consider bulletproof will sometimes fail.
• Earn a black belt in internal communications, but you’ll still have embarrassing moments of confusion and misalignment in your organization.
• Even though you carefully negotiate dismissing an under-performing staff member, you still might get sued.

Work hard at leading well, but don’t be surprised or overly discouraged when things fall apart or get messy. Don’t be cavalier about breakdowns, but don’t let them disrupt your confidence or determination.

The constant challenges that leaders face may cause you to rethink being one. You may be happier and more fulfilled in a non-leadership role—functioning as an achiever rather than a leader. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Raising children and leading an organization have one thing in common: both are messy.

Here’s a video of a smart leader responding to a difficult situation.

[youtube id=”5L8Em5vU0FU”]

[reminder]What are your thoughts about this essay?[/reminder]

[callout]12 best books I read last year – book 3 of 12

The Road to Character  – David Brooks

A great treatise on character illustrated by a brief biography of major characters (Eisenhower, Augustine, Dorothy Day, George Eliot, and others). Click here for more information from Amazon.[/callout]

In a 50/50 relationship—where each person has equal authority—a “no” is more powerful than a “yes.” For instance, in a marriage in which the 50/50 rule is in place, if one spouse says, “Let’s go out to eat on Friday,” and the other says, “No; I don’t want to,” the latter rules. “No” trumps “yes.”

This seems unfair to me.

This quirkish adulteration of fairness is particularly potent and unsavory when one person in the 50/50 relationship tends to be negative and pessimistic, or controlling, or indecisive, or inordinately passive.

How can we avoid this situation?

• One obvious way is to avoid 50/50 relationships. Just one degree—a 51/49 relationship—can make a difference. (Just hope you possess that extra one percent.)
• Spread the power among three or more people, perhaps a 33/33/34 scenario, so that one person cannot control.
• Establish a measure of independence in decision making; don’t frame an issue in terms that require consensus: “I’m going out to eat on Friday. Would you like to join me?”
• Carefully craft the initial statement such that you can say “no.” You: “What would you like to do on Friday for dinner?” Other person’s reply: “Stay at home.” You: “No, I don’t want to do that.” In which case your “no” might prevail over the other person’s preference.

I’m not advocating that we become manipulative and self-serving. I am suggesting that we avoid being manipulated and controlled and that we establish balance of power in mutual relationships.

[reminder]What are your thoughts about this essay?[/reminder]