Author: Don McMinn

Years ago, I attended a meeting in which my boss asked several of us our opinion about an impending decision he needed to make. Robust dialogue ensued. But we later discovered that he had already made the decision before asking for our input. We felt used and manipulated.

The French have a term for that—fait accompli—a thing that has already happened or been decided before those affected hear about it, leaving them with no option but to accept it; a thing accomplished and presumably irreversible. 

Fait accompli is deceptive and discourteous; it’s a form of lying.

Let’s consider it from two perspectives.

Don’t do it to others. 

• • • Don’t ask your family where they want to go on vacation if you’ve already solidified a trip.
    • As a leader, If you’ve already made a decision, just announce it.  Don’t waste people’s time by asking them to think or talk about it. If you’re 90% sure that you’re going to make a particular decision but want to get some last-minute input, be upfront about your leanings, but don’t ask for input if your mind is made up.  

Beware of when you’re being manipulated by it.

• • • If you suspect that you’re being manipulated in this way, call it out: “Is this decision already made?” 
    • If you know for sure that a decision has already been made, don’t waste your brain cells thinking about it.

The term “fait accompli” can also refer to what has been done and cannot be changed. Synonyms would include: done deal, completed act, “it is what it is.” If this is the case, just accept reality and move on.

For instance:

John –  “I can’t believe our boss is requiring us to work the next two weekends.”

Jane – “Well, there’s no point in continuing to talk about it, it’s fait accompli. Let’s just make the best of it.”

Learn to spot fait accompli and carefully respond to it.

When writing posts, I seldom start with a picture and then write about it. I usually write a post and then look for an appropriate cartoon or picture.

But when I read the caption of this picture, I felt compelled to write because it expresses a standard that we should all aspire too. 

We’ve all heard the phrase “justice is blind” which means that justice should be impartial and objective. It’s based on a Greek statue of Lady Justice wearing a blindfold so as not to treat friends differently from strangers, or rich people better than poor ones, etc.

Let’s expand and enhance the concept by saying “love is blind.”

We know this truth is inalienable, but let’s remind ourselves: We should love all people regardless of the color of their skin, their family of origin, level of education, financial status, political persuasion, gender, age, religious persuasion, etc.  Love should be blind and deaf.  

Most of us are unaware of our biases and prejudices. They are so engrained they lie hidden. But we should strive to identify and uproot them.

Here are some fancy words that describe various forms of prejudice.

• • • Racism – prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized

• • • Sexism – prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex

• • • Ageism – prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age

• • • Homophobia – dislike of or prejudice against gay people

• • • Classism – prejudice against or in favor of people belonging to a particular social class

• • • Xenophobia – dislike or prejudice against people from other countries

• • • Nationalism – identification with one’s own nation and support for its interests, especially to the exclusion or detriment of the interests of other nations

• • • Religious discrimination – treating a person differently because of the particular beliefs they hold about religion

Back to the picture at the top of this post. Isn’t it refreshing to see two young boys who are blind to the difference in the color of their skin. We should emulate their mentality. 

I’ll end with a funny story about religious prejudice.

I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too! What denomination?”

He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

In his helpful book, The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg introduces the concept of keystone habits.

“Some habits have the power to start a chain reaction as they move through an organization. Some habits, in other words, matter more than others. Keystone habits say that success doesn’t depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on identifying a few key priorities and fashioning them into powerful levers.” (Random House, 2012, pgs. 100-101)

A keystone is the wedge-shaped stone piece at the apex of a masonry vault or arch which is the final piece placed during construction. It locks all the stones into position, allowing the arch to bear weight. Although a masonry arch or vault cannot be self-supporting until the keystone is placed, the keystone experiences the least stress of any of the stones due to its position at the apex.

According to Duhigg, strategic keystone habits can serve the same important function in our personal lives and in organizations – they hold together other critical elements. They may be simple but they are important and influential. One or a few keystone habits can make the difference between success and failure in our lives and organizations. 

For example, I lead a non-profit organization that depends on volunteers to fulfill its mission. We adopted a keystone habit – Participate or Communicate – that helps hold the organization together and keeps us focused on our mission. We simply ask each volunteer to show up for his weekly assignment (participate) or let us know ahead of time that he won’t (communicate). Knowing that people don’t do what you expect but what you inspect, we follow-up on those who don’t P or C. It’s a simple system that works wonders.

Keystone habits will also enhance our personal lives. One of my personal keystone habits is memorization. Every week I compile a set of information that I memorize. It keeps my mind sharp and allows me to meditate on significant thoughts.

In 18th century French architecture, the reception area and meeting rooms in hotels, mansions, commercial, and governmental buildings were on the second floor, accessible by a grand staircase. Important conversations, negotiations, and treaties were held on the second floor. After leaving a meeting, one would walk down the stairs to exit the building.

Denis Diderot, a French philosopher from the 18th century, coined a phrase—L’esprit de l’escalier—that describes a feeling we’ve all had. Esprit means mind, thoughts, spirit. Escalier means stairs. The phrase describes the feeling of having left a conversation or negotiation and suddenly realizing that you did not respond or negotiate well. You wish you could return to the conversation or meeting but you cannot; you’re at the bottom of the stairs and you can’t turn back. It is a blend of regret, doubt, second thoughts, and wanting to relive the moment.

• • • You’ve accepted a new job, but later realize that you could have negotiated a better package.
    • You had a confrontation with an intimidating person during which you couldn’t think of the right thing to say, but now you know what you should have said. 
    • You have now thought of the perfect comeback for an argument you had, but it’s too late.
    • An important issue was discussed at work. The next day you realize that you were not prepared for the discussion and so neglected to offer your thoughts. 

I’ve had the feeling often. Years ago I walked into a jewelry store to sell my Rolex. The owner asked me, “How much do you want for the watch?” I gave him a price. He smiled and said, “Okay.” I had that sinking feeling that I had asked too little.

Lessons to learn:

1. 1. Don’t make hasty decisions, particularly when you’re flustered, caught off guard, or unsure of the best choice. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I need more time to think about this.” Mature thoughts are usually better than impetuous ones.
   2. When negotiating, don’t speak first. Instead, insist that the other party start.
   3. Negotiate every agreement.  
   4. Before a conversation or negotiation is finalized, imagine walking down an imaginary staircase realizing you no longer have the opportunity to speak. Would you be satisfied?

Remembering the “spirit of the staircase” will help us be more careful and will lead to better decisions.