Don McMinn

At the end of the 2022 Travel with Friends trip, we were scheduled to fly Iberia Airlines from Rome to Madrid, change planes and fly from Madrid to Dallas. Iberia’s plane leaving Rome was an hour and a half late so we missed our connection which was the only daily flight that would get us to Dallas. 

We were disappointed, frustrated, and tired. I thought of creating a don’tflyiberia.com website. But, Iberia’s staff was apologetic, empathetic, and worked hard to get all 25 of us good seats on the next day’s flight. 

They were obliged to provide housing for the layover. I was expecting a simple Motel 6-type hotel, but they put us in a lovely four-star hotel, gave us vouchers for a nice dinner and breakfast, and paid for our transfers from the airport to the hotel. Our thinking went from “ugh, we missed our flight” to “wow, we get to spend the night in Madrid.”

Because of Iberia’s good response to the bad situation, that they had created, I thought more highly of them after the incident than I had before. I thought of starting an iloveiberia.com  website.

This principle also works in human relationships. When you offend someone, sincerely apologize, make restitution, and try not to do it again, and the relationship may become stronger than it was before.

Life is complicated, and humans and organizations make mistakes. That’s inevitable and even acceptable. How we handle our mistakes makes all the difference.

When was the last time you made a mistake that adversely affected other people? How did you handle the situation? Did your response improve the relationship? 

In a banal setting and at an inconvenient time, would people pause to observe transcendent beauty?

This is the question The Washington Post sought to answer when it commissioned Joshua Bell, one of the foremost violin players of our generation, to play in a Washington subway station during morning rush hour.

Dressed in a nondescript manner—jeans, T-shirt, and baseball cap—Bell opened up his case, took out his violin – called the Gibson ex Huberman, handcrafted in 1713 by Antonio Stradivari—and began to play magnificent music. He started with “Chaconne” from Bach’s Partita No. 2 in D minor. Some have called it the greatest piece of music ever written; others consider it one of the greatest achievements in history. 

For 45 minutes one of the greatest living musicians, playing one of the greatest instruments ever made, played some of the greatest music ever written. 

Did anyone stop to listen? It was all videotaped.

Eleven hundred people walked by; seven stopped to listen; 27 threw money into the open case for a total of $32. The night before, Bell had sold out Boston’s Symphony Hall where the cheapest seat goes for $100. He regularly earns $1,000 per minute for concerts.

Know this: We are always surrounded by transcendent beauty. We just don’t notice it. We’re too busy and distracted.

On a regular basis, have a Leonardo da Vinci Moment. Da Vinci, the great Renaissance artist, encouraged people to pause during the day and absorb the moment through all five senses: What do you see, hear, smell, feel, and taste? Don’t think about the past or the future; enjoy the now. After you’ve taken deeply of the moment add to the experience by reciting several things for which you are grateful: the joy of being alive, friendships, beauty, a cup of coffee.

If we don’t slow down and “hear the music” our lives will become tedious, mundane, and monotonous. But if we take time for these moments (and they don’t take a lot of time), they will accumulate and deeply benefit our lives.

A must-read article by David Brooks – How Do You Serve A Friend in Despair?  Most of us know of a family member or friend who suffers from major depression. I do. And I’ve always struggled with how to help them. In this article, published February 12, 2023 in the New York Times, David Brooks presents the most succinct, insightful reflections I’ve ever seen on this topic. 

 

My eight-year-old grandson worries about being struck by lightning. I try to assuage his fear by sharing facts and expounding on probability theory:

• • • According to the CDC, roughly 40 million lightning bolts touch down in the country every year—with the odds of being struck less than 1 in a million.
    • Less than 250 people are injured by lightning every year, according to the National Weather Service. And only about 10% of those people actually die as a result.
    • Among those who are hit, about 90% survive the ordeal, the CDC says. In the U.S. there were only 444 deaths from lightning strikes from 2006 through 2021.

But facts don’t seem to assuage his fears. When someone is emotionally torqued, logic and reasoning usually don’t often bring relief, at least not initially. 

I’m confident that Benjamin will grow out of this fear. 

But as adults, it’s helpful if we can self-regulate our fears by considering probability.

For instance, some people are afraid of flying, though statistics confirm that a person’s chances of dying while in a car are much higher. A Harvard University study found that the odds of a plane crashing are 1 in 1.2 million. Even more reassuring, the chances of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 11 million. Compare that with a National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) report that 38,824 people died in motor vehicle accidents in 2020 (0.012%).

But what about causes of injury and death that are statistically probable? For instance 1 in 6 people die of heart disease (16.67%). Well, we still don’t need to worry because worrying doesn’t help. But we can take steps to lessen the probability of being impacted. That’s why I have a cardiac exam twice a year and take Corvedilol for cardio-myopia. I should adopt a more heart-healthy diet (notice I wrote I should, not I have; that’s a topic for another post).

So don’t worry about low-probability events or high-probability events. Philippians 4:6 teaches us, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything” So let’s do that.

Melissa Kirsch, writer at The New York Times wrote, “One of my favorite New Year’s traditions is writing resolutions for other people. Tonight, if you’re with a group of friends or loved ones, hand out slips of paper and instruct the assembled to write a resolution for the new year. Put the papers in a hat, pass the hat, everyone draws one. The resolutions can be whimsical or reflective. They can be things the author would like to resolve themselves or things they think would be good for others to try” (NYT, December 31, 2022).

Here are some resolutions Kirsch read from others:

• In your closet and your life, subtract whenever you add.
• Stop and recognize happy moments when you’re in the middle of them. Literally stop and say out loud, “This is a happy time.”
• You don’t have to identify with your feelings.
• Realize that everyone is going through something.
• Remind yourself that your track record for getting through bad days is 100 percent, and that’s pretty good.
• Put 10 pennies in your left pocket. Find something for which you are grateful and move one penny to your right pocket. You should find all pennies have moved to the right pocket at the end of the day.

I enjoy Kirsch’s idea about writing resolutions for other people. We all want to give advice to others, why not legitimize the urge and turn it into a game, and reciprocate by receiving life-enhancing suggestions from others?

Let’s do this together. I’ll recommend a resolution for you to adopt and you (by responding to this post) recommend something I and my readers could benefit from. 

My 2023 New Year’s resolution for you is: Proactively develop healthy, intimate relationships. 

I’ll start with this factoid: For over 80 years, researchers at Harvard have studied what makes for a good life. They have found one surefire, scientifically proven predictor of happiness: developing warmer relationships. That’s it: Proactively develop healthy and more intimate relationships.

One of the most intriguing verses in the Bible is Genesis 2:18: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him’” (NLT). In the process of creating the universe, God had said “it is good” six times, but here he says something is not good, and that should get our attention.

Adam had already been created and lived in a perfect environment free from sin, disease, and death. Adam also enjoyed an intimate relationship with God. And yet God said that something was missing; there was something not good about Adam’s condition. The problem is identified and solved when God creates another human, Eve, to be with Adam.

Evidently, we are created with a need to relate intimately with other humans. It is a God-given need. You and I will never be happy and fulfilled unless we have an intimate relationship, not just with God, but also with others.

The first step is to take the initiative. Don’t wait for someone else to approach you about developing a friendship; make the first move. Identify someone that you think you would enjoy getting to know and invite them to lunch, or agree to talk weekly. Developing good friendships is not complicated but it takes initiative.

Years ago I made a New Year’s resolution to make 52 new friends in the coming year. I worked hard at it and 12 months later I had 42 new friends. Perhaps a more reasonable goal would be to make one new friend a month during 2023.

That’s my goal for you. Click the “respond” link and suggest a resolution for me and your fellow readers to pursue.

Here’s an article that is good from beginning to end. Well written by Melanie McGrath, it explains the Japanese art of Sashiko and how it can enhance Western culture. Could the art of “sashimi” help mend our frayed world?