Author: Don McMinn

Ecclesiastes chapter three is a good commentary on time. The first sentence is: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Then it lists 14 situations in which we often must choose between two legitimate but opposite actions. For example, there’s a time to plant and a time to uproot, mourn and dance, pursue peace or make war. There is a proper time for each action.  

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the following phrase (which is one of the 14 mentioned) and trying to incorporate it into my life: There’s a time to be silent and a time to speak.

It’s an important life lesson and necessary people skill. When obeyed it brings peace; when ignored it creates problems.

There are at least two ways to disregard this advice.

Sometimes we speak when we should remain silent.

Do you filter your thoughts before they become speech? Some people don’t. They assume that just having a thought is reason enough to verbalize it. When left unchecked, they feel free to say everything they think. This is not good. 

Before you speak, ask yourself:

• Is this the right time to speak?
• Is this the right place to speak?
• Have I considered my audience?
• Is what I’m about to say true? Necessary? Beneficial?
• Will my words contribute to the conversation?
• Will my words be redundant?
• Are my words necessary?
• When I speak, am I succinct or verbose?

Incorporating these eight filters would greatly reduce and refine our speech. 

Sometimes we don’t speak when we should.

Remaining mute when we should speak is also problematic. Often, it takes both discretion and courage to speak up.

• When you see injustice or unfairness, speak.
• When an important decision is being made, contribute your thoughts.
• Don’t be mute when your silence could be construed as agreement and you don’t concur with what is being said. 
• If someone is dominating the conversation, start talking and pursue equal time. (I dislike unbalanced conversations.)
• When someone is being dogmatic about his opinions (politics, religion, current events), express your own. 
• When someone says something that is verifiably wrong, correct him or her.

If it’s not obvious whether you should speak or be silent, it’s probably best to remain mute.

To speak or not to speak… When you’re unsure, it’s better to err on the side of silence. It’s hard to retract words spoken, and you can always speak later.  

Personal assessment — Do you struggle more with speaking too much or not speaking enough?

When I was young I was out of balance in that I was too quiet. In the past ten years I’ve tried to speak out more often. But lately, I’ve had to remind myself to hold my tongue and be silent. 

This is a never-ending challenge that we will calibrate and fine-tune for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes, a single incident is wrongly used to support a large claim. Or a small number is used to substantiate a major conclusion. The media and politicians are particularly guilty of this. 

For instance:

• There are 600,000 pastors and priests in America. Don’t discount all clergy because a few are dishonorable. 
• There are 800,000 law enforcement officers in America. A few may be “bad cops” but that should not influence your opinion of all officers or inordinately affect public policy.
• During the 2021 racial protests, some radicalized criminals (don’t call them protestors) vandalized property and injured others. Don’t confuse those individuals with those who engaged in peaceful protests and marches.
• The AstraZeneca Covid-19 vaccine was sidelined because it caused blood clots in a few people. But as of May 2021, 25 million people have received that vaccine and only 18 of those have died of blood clots. The vaccine has been proven to be 79% effective at preventing symptomatic COVID and was 100% effective in stopping severe disease and hospitalization. (The rate for getting blood clots from taking birth control pills is much higher: about 0.3% to 1%)

Let’s do some math.

• .01% of a million is 100
• .001% of a million is 10
• .0001% of a million is 1

So if .001% of police officers in America are corrupt, there are 79 corrupt officers and 799,921 honorable ones. Given those odds, I’m going to respect, trust, and support police officers (but let’s continue to prosecute those who abuse their power and position).  

As I’ve said before, be cautious and dubious about media sources that use a single incident to suggest a systemic problem or trend. Don’t trust conclusions based on small sample sizes.

“Although people want a doctor to fix their broken bones, when it comes to problems in their heads, they often want sympathy rather than solutions.” Adam Grant

Hurt and pain come in many forms. Physical pain is the most obvious. Mental and emotional pain is harder to diagnose but can be just as debilitating. Feelings such as sorrow, embarrassment, frustration, shame, aloneness, sadness, anxiety, depression (the list is lengthy) are painful.

When someone is hurting — for any reason or in any way (physical, emotional, mental) — our first response should be to empathize. Identify with their pain and speak comforting words. [Here’s a post I wrote on Don’t Say This to Someone Who Is Hurting.]

But sometimes empathy is not enough. It’s certainly necessary but it may not be sufficient. Sometimes our compassion should cause us to go beyond empathy. We see this demonstrated throughout the life of Jesus.

One of the mainstays in Jesus’ life was his profound compassion. The travails and anguish of others touched him deeply. For instance, In Mark 6:34 we read, “When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.” In Matthew 14:14 his compassion prompted him to heal. In Matthew 15:32 compassion led Jesus to feed the multitudes.

Notice the connection between compassion and other actions.  His empathy led to instruction, or kind deeds, or the meeting of practical needs.

There are times when hurting people just need empathy. But sometimes, in addition to empathy, they need something else. Often a person who is hurting would benefit from being taught, coached, instructed, or even admonished.

Sometimes the hurt someone feels is the product of his own doing. Perhaps he’s unaware that he is the cause of his pain, or though he’s been told, he refuses to change. Consider these scenarios.

• A friend continually mourns and complains because his acquaintances avoid him (which they do). But the reason is, he’s difficult to be around. He doesn’t need more empathy as much as he needs honest feedback. His pain will not go away until he changes.
• A family member continually complains and expresses frustration about her dead-end job. But she dropped out of high school, hasn’t developed any new job skills, and spends most of her free time watching TV. Does she need more empathy?
• A colleague often expresses sadness because he feels alone and disconnected from others. But he takes no initiative to reach out to other people; he lives like a hermit.

In these cases, I’m not suggesting that the feelings expressed aren’t real. (Feelings are usually real, though they’re not always true or reliable.) The problem is, the feelings will persist until the cause of the pain is addressed and remedied.

Sometimes, people don’t need just a shoulder to cry on, they also need an honest assessment of why they’re locked into a never-ending predicament. Honesty can be a gift, just like empathy. And often they need us to become involved in providing a solution.

Twenty-one million people have seen the following video. I understand the video is a spoof on a common communication challenge; it’s an exaggeration trying to offer some comic relief. The first time I saw it I laughed. But the more I think about it, I’m frustrated at the lady with the nail in her head. Her thinking and behavior are illogical and she places her partner in a no-win, difficult position.

My recommendation is: when responding to someone who is hurting, always start with genuine empathy. But when necessary, take the next step and help them understand the situation and how it could be ameliorated and offer to be a part of the solution. If we never take these extra steps we’re not being as helpful as we could and should be. 

If you folded a piece of paper in half 100 times, how tall would it be?                      [The surprising answer is at the bottom of this post.]

When Albert Einstein was asked what he thought was the human race’s greatest invention, he allegedly replied, “Compound interest.” It was a humorous response and we’re not sure what he meant by it, but it does contain a kernel of truth.

There is a big difference between simple and compound interest. Simple interest lets you earn money on your principal. Compound interest lets you earn money on your principal and your interest. For instance, at a simple interest rate of 10%, it takes 10 years to double your money. A compound interest rate of 10% will double your money in just 7.2 years.

The same advantage that compound interest has on money also applies to the power of compounding in learning. The cumulative effect of learning is astonishing.

John Kotter, in his book Leading Change, puts it this way:

“Between age thirty and fifty, Fran ‘grows’ at the rate of six percent—that is, every year she expands her career-relevant skills and knowledge by six percent. Her twin sister, Janice, has exactly the same intelligence, skills, and information at age thirty, but during the next twenty years she grows at only two percent per year. Perhaps Janice becomes smug and complacent after early successes. Or maybe Fran has some experience that sets a fire underneath her. The question here is, how much difference will this relatively small learning differential make by age fifty?

“Given the facts about Fran and Janice, it’s clear that the former will be able to do more at age fifty than the later. But most of us underestimate how much more capable Fran will become. The confusion surrounds the effect of compounding. 

“For Fran and Janice, the difference between a six percent and a two percent growth rate over twenty years is huge. If they each have 100 units of career-related capability at age 30, 20 years later, Janice will have 122 units, while Fran will have 321. Peers at age 30, the two will be in totally different leagues at age 50.” (page 181)

I think the most important life-skill to develop is lifelong learning. It’s more important and doable than you think.  This post underscores the marvelous compounding effect of lifelong learning. Engage in it and you’ll soon feel wind filling your sails.

[Here’s a free copy of a book I wrote on Lifelong Learning.]

When is the best time to plant a tree? — Twenty years ago. When is the second best time to plant a tree? — Today. 

When is the best time to commit to lifelong learning? — When you’re a child. When is the second best time to commit to lifelong learning? — Today. 

Here’s a good place to start: read books. If you read one good book a month and internalize what you learn so that it “sticks,” ten years from now you will have learned from 120 books. Your knowledge of the world will expand. You’ll be emotionally, socially and intellectually energized. And, you’ll be more competitive. [If your colleagues at work don’t read any books in the next ten years (and most people don’t read consistently), you will gain a distinct advantage.]

Now, go read a good book. (I recommend a book I read last week – Think Again by Adam Grant.)

Question – If you folded a piece of paper in half 100 times, how tall would it be?

Answer – Its thickness would equal 93 billion light-years. That’s the power of compounding.