Don McMinn

When I’m with my grandson, Benjamin, I always try to say “yes” to his requests. “Papa, will you take me fishing? Will you play with me? Can we go swimming?” Unless it’s impossible or imprudent to do so, I usually say yes.

I do the same at work; when a colleague or direct report makes an appeal, I try to respond in a positive way. 

This approach has helped my marriage. For years, both Mary and I suffered from a “no-mentality.” She would ask me to do something and I would demur. I wouldn’t necessarily say “no” (I’m more cunning than that) but I would hesitate, postpone, ignore, or offer an alternative. In essence, I declined. Mary often did the same to me. Now we try to say “yes” to each other, or at least craft a positive response such as, “What an interesting idea; let’s talk about that tonight.” But if it’s a simple request (Would you clean your study?) I should simply comply.   

In your interpersonal relationships, which word do you tend to say the most: yes or no? What is your default response? I’m not recommending that you be a “yes-person”—someone who agrees with everything that is said and endorses or supports without criticism, every opinion or proposal. I am encouraging you to have a positive, permissive outlook on life, particularly when responding to people’s requests. The alternative is to be oppositional and quick to resist or dissent.

Sir Richard Branson once said: “I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.” And I’m sure those around him have also enjoyed that persuasion. 

Here’s a good article from Fortune magazine titled “Five Reasons Why Saying “Yes” Is The Best Decision For Your Career.”

There are many things in life that we cannot control: other people, the weather, random events…but there are many things we can control and we should focus on those. 

Here are six things we can easily do—every day— that require little time and effort but are beneficial.

Maintain good posture.

Whether you’re sitting or standing, have good posture. You’ll look and feel better.

Here’s a good article on good posture: 

Drink a large glass of water as soon as you get up in the morning.

A survey of 3,003 Americans found that 75% had a net fluid loss, resulting in chronic dehydration. Are you among that 75%? 

Dehydration has dire effects but is easily avoided.

Drink a glass of water when you first get up in the morning. It will begin the hydration process and help keep the issue on your mind throughout the day.

Here’s an article on how much water you should drink per day.

Here’s an article on dehydration.

Strengthen and favor your core muscles.

Your core muscles are so named because of their location and importance. Our center of mass is usually located just below the navel and halfway between the abdomen and lower back, which is midway between the mass of the upper and lower body. When walking, working, bending, or leaning over, I think of my center-point and keep my body balanced over it. Most evenings I do a series of exercises that stretch and strengthen my core muscles.

Here’s an article and video on good exercises to strengthen your core muscles.

Develop a pleasant “resting face.”

Your “resting face” is the way your face looks when you are at ease, with facial muscles relaxed. 

Your “engaged face” is the way your face looks when you are consciously manipulating your face to appear more engaged, approachable, and friendly. I’ve also heard this called a “yes face.”

Most people have an unfriendly looking resting face. At best it’s hard to read, at worst we look sad, unapproachable, unengaged, and even upset.

To display an engaged face, simply raise the eyebrows and forehead, open up the eyes, and smile.

Here’s a post I wrote on this subject. 

Memorize one significant thought a week and meditate on it.

Here’s a mental discipline I enjoy, benefit from, and constantly do: I identify a significant thought, memorize it, meditate on it, apply it to my life, and when possible, discuss it with other people.

This process is a key to personal growth and change.

Here are some thoughts I’ve recently meditated on: 

• • “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” —Einstein
  • It’s amazing how much an organization can accomplish if no one cares who gets the credit for progress.
  • “Envy is the most stupid of vices, for there is no single advantage to be gained from it.” Balzac

Here’s a post I wrote on this subject.

Express gratitude daily. 

There are many advantages to expressing gratitude, not just thinking thoughts of gratitude or feeling grateful, but actually expressing it.

1. 1. 1. It helps develop a positive attitude. 
      2. It’s an antidote for being negative and pessimistic.
      3. It reinforces our remembrance of positive experiences.  
      4. When we express gratitude to people for specific things they have done, they are encouraged and their behavior is affirmed. 

Here’s a post I wrote on this subject. 

In the past few years, I’ve developed a new catchphrase: “There are some things you cannot do; but what you can do, do.”

These are six things everyone can do.

“One day at a time sweet Jesus, that’s all I’m asking of You. Just give me the strength to do everyday what I have to do.” lyrics by Meriam Bellina

Currently, I have friends and family members who’s lives are in turmoil. Every day brings a new wave of stress and distress. There’s seldom a break in the fray and the future looks dim. Depression is often a bedfellow. Paranoia and paralysis h are closing in.

How do we respond to friends and family members when they’re going through hell on earth?

First, we empathize with them. As deeply and sincerely as possible, try to feel as they are feeling, and offer words of comfort.

Secondly, we pray with them when we’re together and for them when we’re away.

Thirdly—and this must be said at the right time and in the right way—I give this advice: “Do what’s in front of you and then do the next thing.”

Elizabeth Elliott, Christian author and speaker, said it this way, “Sometimes life is so hard you can only do the next thing. Whatever that is, just do the next thing. God will meet you there.”

The next thing might be something simple and ordinary: unload the dishwasher, get out of bed, read a book, take a walk. Or, the next thing may be more strategic: apply for a job, go to church, tackle a problem head on, initiate a difficult but necessary conversation.

Just keep moving in the right direction; even baby steps are helpful. You can’t steer a bicycle unless it’s moving, so keep moving.

Often, you will be the one who is stuck, so say to yourself, “I’m going to do what’s in front of me and then do the next thing.” It’s a simple, almost simplistic strategy, but sometimes it’s just enough to get us unstuck and moving in the right direction.  

One of my favorite leadership mantras is: All of us are smarter than one of us. There’s wisdom in a multitude of counselors. Any idea, plan, or decision will be improved upon when we get multiple opinions. It’s good advice for leaders and it also applies to our personal lives. 

As a leader I always try to follow this advice, but in my personal life I have failed miserably. I’ve made major career moves without seeking advice. On my own, I decided which colleges to attend and what to study. When Mary and I were considering marriage we didn’t ask for input. Recently, when I purchased a car, I didn’t seek counsel.

I’m not proud of my Lone Ranger approach to life and I’m trying to figure out why that has been my default setting. I suspect at least two reasons: in the early stages of my life I was emotionally alone, and, I am self-reliant and over-confident. 

How about you—do you struggle with this issue?

The Quakers have  a wonderful solution to this problem: the Clearness Committee. It is a well-structured approach to allowing others to have input into major decisions. This article by Parker Palmer—The Clearness Committee – A Communal Approach to Discernment—is worth the five minutes it takes to read.

Proverbs 11:14 teaches: “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.” (NLT) Personalize this verse by substituting “a person” for “nation.” When making decisions, ask for help and advice. There’s no downside to doing so.